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Help.. Bad Habit Started And How Do I Break It???

9 posts on this thread and the last post was on January 29th, 2009 9:41 AM
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lin7604 - January 20th, 2009 10:29 PM
[Original Post]

ok my ds is 26 months. he attends daycare and gets rubbed at nap time. Well a few months after he started he wanted to be rubbed at home for nap and bedtime too. So in the beginning around early dec, i started to thinking it's no harm. well i was wrong, he started to freak adn get very upset if i didn't! SO i thought i have to stop this. SO i did, went cold turkey just like everything else for hima dn all went well until 2 weeks ago. We went to mexico for 2 weeks and he wanted it there, i thought "NO" at first b/c it would be hard to break but then i thought " well he is in a strange place sleeping, etc" so i did. After the first few nights i told him no more as he was getting used to his new sleepin quarters, all went fine until a few days later he started to get him last 2 top molars in. ( they have been coming up and down for 2 months now) he was really being bothered by them , so i gave in. Now we have been home since sat and it is a HUGE battle getting him to sleep. He freaks and hyper ventalates when i tell himno, he gets himself so worked up. Last night i put him to bed at 8 and not " not bad" but then after 10 min it all started, he didn't finally fall asleep till 10:40 and that was with me rubbing him in the end, b/c he was so worked up. Tonight it was 45 min, i refused to rub him but i sat on his bed till he fell asleep. every time i tried to move to leav thinking he was sleeping, he would pop up and we would have to start all over.

what do you think i should do about this..... help....


kimberly - January 21st, 2009 3:49 PM

Seems you are doing the right thing already. The only way to break a habit is to not do the bad habit anymore. I would continue with what you have been doing but be consistant and don't give in. Its like the pacifier or anything else you just have to take it away. If you go back to it, it sends a confusing message to him. He then knows if he cries long enough mommy will give in. Be consistant!


lin7604 - January 21st, 2009 10:11 PM

OM tonight was terrible again. I just don't get why this behavior has gotten so bad since we have gotton home from holidays???? It was 1 hr of fighting, in the end again i told him i would sit at teh end of his bed but no rubbing. About 15 min later i thought he was sleeping, so i snuck out. 2 min later he openes the door asking for me to sit again, i told him softly to go back to bed and he started crying unbearably!!! SO i walked him back to his room and he asked me to hold his hand, i did and he was sleeping in 5 min! I am starting to think maybe it's a dark issue, a new fear forming??? what do you think? he does have a soft green light but maybe it's not enough b/c he was fine on the weekend napping, but bedtime he melts once i place him in bed..... I just hate for it to be something like that and not be supportive to him, he still is so young and can't always tell me what's wrong yet so i have to think something is up b/c he was never ever like this for anything.... gosh so confused on what to do....


kimberly - January 22nd, 2009 11:31 AM

This is just my opinion so don't get offended, Please. But, I kind of feel you may be encouraging the behavior by sitting by his bed and holding his hand until he falls asleep. Again that is really giving in too because now instead of rubbing he wants to be sat with or his hand held. Do you ever watch super nanny or nanny 911, they have some really great tips. I know it is just a tv show but I have tried this with my second son and it works. When he comes to the door, just turn him around and tuck him back in, no talking and leave the room, you have to keep repeating until it just works. If you stay consistant it won't last long, just a few nights and he will be on track. I co slept with my second son and it was a nightmare getting him in his own bed so I tried just not giving in, I hauled him right back to bed everytime he got up it only took 3 nights of me consistantly doing this and he has slept in his own bed since then. We have ocassional lapses but I just stay strong and I never give in. I do think you should try a better light just to see if it is the problem But really looking from the outside, it seems he is just spoiled and he knows it and how to use it.



lin7604 - January 22nd, 2009 2:40 PM

thanks for your honesty!!!! i too was thinking the same as you until the way he was last night it really seemed like he was afraid to be in his room alone, i have never ever seem him react the way that he has been ever. So i am going to put his night light in a different spot so it shines on the room more and see, but what if it is a actual dark fear now??? how do you get them to get over that???


kimberly - January 22nd, 2009 4:37 PM

Being afraid of the dark is common with his age and can continue to be a problem until he is much older. I use to give my oldest son a flashlight to sleep with, he also had a bright night light. I told him to turn the light on when he gets scared and he will be able to see his room is the same as it was before. It worked with him, but I tried the same trick with my other son and he didn't fall for it. He is 5 now and is still afraid of the dark and has bad dreams too. I do try to be more understanding of him protesting bedtime when I know he is having a rough time because of dreams or whatever. I guess you will just have to figure out which it is, if hes scared or just being spoiled. Either way I wouldn't encourage his behavior though, even if he is afraid eventually he will have to learn how to calm himself down. Definately hug him and explain theres nothing to be afraid of and get a better light for him, but I still wouldn't give in to the sitting by his bed or rubbing his back. I only say that because I am a mom who has made every mistake you could as far as bad habits being started. My dd is only 17 months but I have been doing things differently with her. Like, I didn't co sleep and I took the pacifier away 9 months, so I haven't had the same struggles I did with my boys. So I have become a firm believer in not starting any bad habits that may be taxing on me in the long run or hard for my dd to stop.


Krissy25 - January 22nd, 2009 10:08 PM

Just curious, is the day care still rubbing his back at nap time? It seems like it might help if they stopped too.


lin7604 - January 23rd, 2009 2:34 PM

yes they have to a point, they are not rubbing him but once in a while they told me they will put their hand on his back until he settles down and relaxes, then he's good on his own.

Last night it started again and i started asking him questions about what was making him upset and scared. At first it he was saying " car broke" pointing outside his window, so we opened up the blinds for him and showed him outside, etc. he did not want his blinds to stay open either, they had to be closed. Then he went on pointing to his wheels, saying wheels broke, so daddy " fixed" his wheels. still freaking when placed init. so i asked him if i put his night light in a new spot if that will help him see at night. i showed him where i was putting it and he started saying " no light", " no Light". so i asked him if he wanted mommy to take it out and he said yes. so i did. He still cried when put in his bed, so i asked him if i brought out his travel bed if that would help. he wanted it so i got it out and he climbed in. he tried one more time for water and i reminded him that he had a glass before bedtime and no more till wake up time. He then went to sleep.!!!!! so maybe it's the bed now??? maybe he is feeling closterphobic in the bed as it's a car bed and we only have the mattress in it and not the box spring. I will see how it goes the next few nights giving him the option on which bed he wants to sleep in and hopefully he gets used to it again and has no issues....... i would hate to have to sell at 350 dollar bed that was only used for 2 months! why the fear of it now??? maybe teh box spring added will be enought to not let him feel trapped inside it? as it will be reaised up....... aghhhhh so confusing figuring these things out when they can't tell you everything!



karyn - January 27th, 2009 1:37 PM

My daughter has the same issue and she is 27 mnths. Everything is 'blue'. I've just been trying to work with her more on colors. Now I'll say do you want a red apple or mommy's car is orange. She's starting to get it but it's taking longer than I expected.


lin7604 - January 29th, 2009 9:41 AM

the color thing isn't the issue he knows almost all his colors, so if it's a blue car he's dreaming about it's actually blue. I just don't know what to do about this issue, how to get him from waking at night? Nigt time has only become a 30 min battle the last 2 nights which is a great improvement, but he's still waking and now it's taking him 1 hr to fall back to sleep each time???