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sahmof3...... it gripped me what you said in the "dd and dh" topic.... it takes guts to say what you said... My thoughts went off on a tangent, so I've created a new topic. I was getting to that state with 2 kids... dreamed of someone taking them for a couple of hours, so I could recharge... And I am familiar with depression, had it well before kids, so dreaded getting there with kids. Then I am a bookish person, so I thought there must be something that I don't know, that would help me... some secret that a happy mother of a dozen children knows. Something that helps being relaxed in the midst of kids' storms... So I started researching. I am going to sound as a broken record about these couple of books, but they did help me. The first I read was "Sibling Rivalry" - the fights were becomig the hot-button issue... I have learned to give them the power to solve their own conflicts. I am more relaxed about their fights. That book referred to another one, "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen..." That was another stone toward getting out of the rut of small problems and acting out of the big picture. Don't get me wrong, I would not refuse a couple of hours of "me" time, but I don't allow anymore getting my nerves shot. I think I've got closer to the secret that eluded me before, the secret of calm moms. .... My next goal is to get "Systemic Parenting" book, and it is not a hands-on book at all - I feel the more I hold in mind and act "out of a big picture", the easier it is for me. Just decided to share since what you wrote sounded so raw.