Pregnancy Info HOME

I thought the idea of twins becomes less scarey with time, and you become more excited, lol. i ttc-ed for quite awhile to have 1 baby, and didn't take any risks for more then 1, this time, and somehow, against all odds, ended up with two. Isn't life funny? lol. I could have best handled two before dd, and would have been DONE. i just wanted two children, and the thought of more kids then are us, is frightening to me. i found out at only 5 wks and I am over 13 wks now, why can't i just be excited and thrilled, and not so scared and worried? i worry about the pregnancy, the health of myself, and especially the babies, so fearful something will go wrong, i have lost a child before, i couldn't bare it again, my marriage recently, hasn't been as strong as it was, which on it's own is very hard to swallow. we love eachother, and do not have plans of splitting, but her our one dd on her own, is more then a handful, and dh already shows the strain (he is way older then i am, though i'm not a spring chicken). he's not as energetic as he was, and works alot of crazy hours, so everything will fall on me, and am i strong enough? also, how do you give two and your existsing child enough love and attention, because me and dh are like sisters, i feel like this is going to turn her world upside down. we ttc-ed mostly for her benefit of having a sibling, plus i always have loved kids, we just really did not want her alone long haul and wanted to give her a friend for life, but won't she be left out now? i hate the thoght of that, it would kill me, if she felt out of the lopp because the twins were best of friends, you know? also it just complicates things, trying to get her to not be jealous while juggling twins, make sure she has all she needs as an individual, like i said just way easier if this was 1 and 2. there are times it seems precious and i buy matching outfits, and times i secretly wish God had given us just one more, because i feel most times, like it's all we can handle, as a couple, our marriage, our daughter, my own sanity, i suffer from anxiety as is, our finances are really quite bad at this point as well, which was unpredictable at the time we were baby making, just everything screams one child, but God said two. i don't understand how some people are jealous of twins, because they wanted them or want them, or are trying for them, to me, it doesn't compute, because i should feel double blessed, and i can't realy see it all that way. will that change? i'm very excited to be pregnant, and i would not have it any other way, i'm just so scared of the before and after struggles, woes, and medical stuff with twins. it's all still so overwhelming, even after 3 + months, i hate even admitting this, because so many would be thrilled, and i fee bad for that. i love both of my babies let me clarify that, and am thrilled every time i get to see and hear them, but as a whole, i've never been so scared in my entire life. has or does anybody else feel this way? anyone have any twin experience to share, that might help me on my way to bliss? anyone wanna keep in touch as we go along for support? do you believe what is meant to be happens, and despite all of the fear, God will make it all work out? i used to believe that but right now, my vision is a bit clouded. like i said before i have lost a child, and nothing in this world is harder. i'd rather die a horrible death, then go through such a tragedy again, and it all just seems so risky with two, eventhough the stats are pretty encouraging, when you have been there already, it's always a fear, two just multiplies it. thanks for allowing me to vent my feelings. i do care so much for these children, and am taking care of them the best i possibly can, i just can't help my inner coices, i just want them to start singing a different tune, i hope that it happens. all of this thinking is making me nuts, and dh is not really thrilled with two, so it doesn't make for a nice support system over here. he barely talks about it. i'm sure if he was being different about it, it would make things way way easier on me. thanks again, looking forward to hatting with you all.