4 Young Moms Whos Kid Has Dads Last Name Not Your Last Name

19 Replies
PigletCamm - February 11

im 20 years old and have been with my fiance for 4 years. We decided to TTC over a year ago and now I am 31 weeks pregnant. My child will have the last name of my fiance since one day we would like to get married. Right now with a car payment and a a dirtbike payment we decided to wait untill one is paid off so we can have a nice Wedding. My question is how do other people in a simialar sitiation fell about the child having a diffrent last name. I feel as if I will be looked down on or that I am a single young mom (which well all know is taboo). Does your child having a diffrent last name really affect you any way?

 

docbytch - February 12

Hi there. Though I am 39 now, and newly pregnant with my possibly second child (miscarriage occurred last year) I was in the same spot as you, 21 years ago when I had my daughter. Yes there was the young mom stigma, but nonetheless I Gave my daughter her dad's name, even though we were not married. I wanted her feel "normal" because at that time, and even now, most children retain their father's last name. One would like to thing people would not be so judgmental in this day and age of something as trivial as the last name of a child! If I were in the same situation now, I would do the same as I did then. My only difference now is that I finally managed to marry the RIGHT guy at a later time.

 

Melissa30 - February 12

I have two kids with my ex-husband and they have his last name. My current DH and I are expecting our baby in April. I will have three kids with two different last names. As Shakespeare says, What's in a name. What matters is how you love your child and who cares what people think. I mean .. seriously!

 

MommyExpecting - February 14

my general advice would be give your son your last name and when you get married, change his birth certificate, it may seem like a ha__sle but it only takes a few minutes at the court house,I say this because i am so bitter and have been through so much . I have a 5 year old son (I was 18) He has his fathers last name. I am married and Pregannt now. the three of us will have the same last name. It makes me sad. I wish my older boy had our last name. so many things like school enrollment, vacation reservations, getting pa__sport. I had to go through so much trouble getting court records that i have custody and proof that he is mine with my birth record marriage lisence his birth records and so on and so on. The worst part is his bilogical father sees him less than once per month and doesnt do anything to deserve my son carrying his last name. It is different since you and your boyfriend have decided to get married and if you feel you will marry him then do what is in your heart. if your fiancee plans on being a father and a husband then do not think about how people will look at you.

 

MommyExpecting - February 14

I i said son, now that i reread my post, sprry about that i should say son or daughter, i am just so used to saying "my son" SORRY =)

 

Prego#4 - February 16

I have three children now my two older ones have their bio fathers last name. My husband now actually adopted them and we are in the process of changing their names. One is 18yo the other 15yo they have gone through their whole child hood with a different last name than mine and they turned out just fine! :) I really don't care what society thinks all I care about is that I did a d__n good job raising them!

 

Sonny0719 - February 24

Out of my 5 friends I am the only one who got married when I found out I was pregnant. Everyone I know that is pregnant did not care to get married. I live in NYC so its much more carefree here. Honestly, people do not care. Personaly, I just cared for personal reasons. I don't think its bad for others not to do the same as me. I just always wanted to raise my child in a marriage thats filled with alot of love. Good luck! Do what makes you happy, forget about what society thinks!

 

Moneerenee - March 7

Hi, I know what you're going through. Feeling a bit of unsure. Let me tell you my story I have two children and both has my last name and i love it. Because i wasn't married and wasn't sure if marriage was the future for us i decided to give my first child my last name. Good thing i did things didn't work out between me and him. He has not been in our life at all he is a true deadbeat dad. 1 Year later i met a very nice guy who has steped in and taken good care of me and my daughter. He loves her like his own. Watching how good he was with her made me want another child for him. I got pregnant by him and had another daughter because my first daughter has my last name and thinks my husband now is her real dad i decided to give my second daughter my last name. I didn't want them to be separated by their last names and i'm so happy that my first child had my last name and I had that option for both of my children to have the same last name. My husband was not happy at all about that decision but i have to look towards the future. All three of us have the same last name and i feel so good about that choice I made. Now since we have gotten married we're talking about changing the girls last name to his and it want be no problem at all. So things worked out for me. Follow your mind.

 

Frances - March 11

I have to agree with Moneerenee. I think I would give your baby your last name and then change it when you get married. There is the upside of your child having the same last name as you and maybe will inspire your fiance to pay one of those things off quicker! Also, it can be less like the wedding of a man and a woman and instead it can be the wedding of a family. Good luck to you and I hope your wedding turns out great!

 

Jasella87 - March 12

I'm not gonna say dont give your child his last name all i'm gonna say is make sure you are really going to marry this guy i gave my daughter her fathers last name and now we are no longer together i had my daughter when i was 17 and now i'm 20 and my daughter is almost 3 and i'm having so many problems with her father he doesn't pay child support he's trying to fight me for custody and i really wish i didn't give her his last name, But now i just found out i'm pregnant today and i'm going to give my child my fiance's last name because we are going to get married most likley before the baby is born, we are not going to have a nice wedding right now but when we save up more money we're going to get re-married so i know that i'm deffinatly going to be with him and i know he's not going to be like my daughter's father but if you feel like your really going to be with him for the rest of your life and you feel he's really going to be there for you then go for it give your baby his last name but if the feelings aren't there don't do it and remember it's your life don't worry about what people think of you.

 

orchidmom - March 13

It is difficult situation.. and I think what Jasella said is also has the point.

 

Lady Marmalade - March 14

in England its totally normal for kids to have their dads surname if the couple are still together, sometimes if they are not. I cant see peoples problem with it but I suppose there are some of the big nose PC brigade that would look down on it. Bollocks to them

 

wailing - March 16

I am hyphenating my last name w/ my boyfriends. Something that was just right for us. We may plan on getting married later but not as important to us as having a healthy happy baby:) Yes, there is a certain stigma to single moms and unwed mothers but at this day and age it's a little different. Just do what is best for u:)

 

MrsShelton217 - April 16

Something you can always do (if you are really serious about marrying this man) If the two of you go ahead and let a JP marry you. (very little cost) Then you could have either a big wedding reception later after the baby is born... or even another wedding after the baby is born. If there is any doubt that you will not be w/ this man forever, then I wouldn't get married right away.... BUT, you do have to remember, that the baby has just as much right to it's fathers name as it does to yours.... and the father has just as much right for the baby to have his name as you do for the baby to have yours.

 

ChynaDoll - April 26

I am 20 soon to be 21 and I been with my fiancee for 5 years we have a 2 year old daughter and she has the same last name as her father and I feel fine with it.

 

DownbutnotOUT - April 26

Hi I have 3 children and am technically not married to my sweet man but I refer to him as my husband. I have a different last name as my children because they have there daddies, though I do introduce myself to my sons cla__smates parents as Kendra (my husbands/childrens last name). I dont feel ashamed its just easier to introduce myself like that sometimes but when it comes to medical I have to make an appointment under kendra (my last name) and than say for my child (his name and daddies last name). It doesnt affect me in any way and it doesnt the children my son introduces me as "mommy".

 

sweetie - May 16

I have 2 kids that have their dads name we have been togather for 13 years, we are not married. i think sometimes you might feel a little left out, u know with them having same last names.but im glad i did as long as you intend to marry this person oneday...

 

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