A Terribly Pointless Argument

34 Replies
Curious Cat - November 25

Teen aged mothers and wanna-be mothers will NEVER understand the point of view of an "older" ( anyone over 23) mother. Never. Us "older" ladies can remember back to when we were teens... we thought we had it all figured out then, as well. We thought we knew it all..... Of course NOW we laugh at how much we DIDN'T know, but can you imagine your 17 year old self being told this ( very real ) advice? You would have scoffed as much as these kids are. Unless these girls are willing to admit that the huge population of people who have been their age, had their same thoughts, just MIGHT have a clue as to what we are saying, then why are you wasting your effort? Make a difference in a real persons life.. find a real young lady that need this guidance.. these gals aren't willing to be receptive to anything.. they ( unfortunately for them) have already made up their minds as to what the world is really like, and what role they will play in it. The more we try to show them how things REALLY are, what they will REALLY miss out on, the more stubborn they get and the more likely they are to do just the opposite.

 

finally... - November 25

somebody said it, so why are there always dumb arguements-older is wiser, plain and simple.

 

Mama2wanna - November 25

Sing it sister!

 

Soleil - November 25

I understand older woman here are wiser, because they have lived more, there for experienced more. A 30 year old woman has been a 16 year old but a 16 year old has never been a 30 year old which is why they do not understand what older woman are trying to say. BUT I've seen a lot of negative comments on this forum comming from the older woman. What I mostly see is older woman bashing young mothers or wanna-be mothers, they are acting really immature. I do agree no one under 18 should have children, UNLESS they are finished with school or are stable enough, which in almost all cases they are NOT. But like some girls on this forum they will do what they want to do and there isnt anything we can say or much less do about it. Everyone has stated their opinion so I think we should just leave it at that. I guess I wouldnt be considered "older" by your standards since im under 23, but I do have a beautiful 10 mo. old who I LOOOVEEE soooooooo much. Im 20 years old and so far things have been great with everything in my life and I do not regret having her.

 

Curious Cat - November 25

Now dont get me wrong.. I'm not saying younger mothers can't love their children as much... I don't even necessarily think they can't provide for them as well... What I'm saying is, There is SO MUCH to experience in your life! There is so much to do and so much to see! Children are just a part of that.. and if you have children at a young age, you will miss out on SO MUCH! And maybe, some day, you will see what you missed out on, and regret not waiting.. or you will never know what you missed out on.... but you missed out just the same. Private time with just you and your spouse is SO WONDERFUL! Yes, it is wonderful to have a child as well, but you can NEVER go back.... Once you have babies... that's it. It will never be just the two of you again. You can never get that back.

 

finally.... - November 25

Exactly, I can tell you that I am only 24, and I am not the same person when I was 19, 20 or 21. As one gets older, I think things come into more of a focus-you know whats important, life, etc. I can feel myself maturing. So I do see what these "older ladies" are saying. I think that older is wiser and the youth get wiser as they grow-see what I am saying?

 

Mel - November 28

I think these teens think "older" means 40+, that is how they talk to us on this forum. We are not old ladies girls! We are far from senior citizens! We are of child-bearing age who actually might have something to offer a child. Something MORE than love. Everyone is capable of providing love for a baby, but ask yourself what else do you have to offer????

 

lisa - November 29

well done mel,exactly,these young girls trying to get pregant,or had babies in their teens are wasters,indeed what else have they got to offer?Certainly not self respect

 

Lacy - November 29

Well, I was just browsing this section, and came across this post. I think its kinda silly that the poster puts a magic age on capable mothers...(23 and above). Im 21 years old, married, and my husband and I have our own house, cars and very well established jobs. So, as it is wrong to a__sume that you women are OLD, it is also wrong for you too a__sume we are too young. I know many are, but some of us are just as capable of being good mommies as you are!

 

Curious Cat - November 29

Pleast take the time to read each post before responding. Women who have spent any time on this forum have seen, over and over, where YOUNG LADIES ( children) seem to think 3, 24, 25 and up is "old" and getting too old to have children, which is rediculious. A second reason I chose to narrow to 23 is that is the beginning age, in my opinion, where a girl can accurately claim to be a somewhat experienced woman.. she is out of her teens, has partied away her 21st year, had 22 to sober up, and at 23 is ready to begin a serious life... also, at 23 most women who have chosen to continue their education are finishing up. And to make one thing clear, I never said that there was a magic age for capable mothering.. where did you get that?

 

*X* to Curious Cat - November 30

I'd even add a couple years onto that for travel and personal growth - make it 25 or so.

 

Curious Cat - November 30

"X" I agree with that age, but I wanted to state my minimum in this post.. I had my first child at 25, almost 26. For me, that was a great age.. I had traveled, spent time abroad, played, been in a stable merriage for a few years, was in a place in my career that I could devote 100% to my child, and was all around ready.. financially, emotionally, physically, and in my relationship... Although had it taken me several more years to reach that point, I wouldn't have hurried the process.

 

Mommy - November 30

I'm just curious. Just because I don't feel the need to go out and party means I haven't lived? I would never have the money, or even desire to travel. In my family there are sooooo many alchoholics, it would be plain stupid to spend my entire 21 year partying. Also, I have already dealt with more than most people my age, or even older. I have had more than my share of experience with kids. I was even missing out in school at the age 11 to get my 5 year old sister to kindergarden and to take care of my 1 year old sister while my mom worked. I have had more responsibility at the age of 12 than most have to deal with at 18. Now I am married to a man I love, we have 2 children, aren't receiving any financial help, living on our own and doing great. As for the personal growth, I have been an "adult" since I was 11, by 13 I was babysitting full time for 2 kids, a 1 year old and a 3 year old, making a whopping 50 a week to buy my parents beer and cigarettes and to put gas in their car. I was actually the only one working at my house at the time so I feel like I have had enough growth and maturity to share. I don't think 25 is old, either. My own husband will be 23 next May. If I wanted to have a baby, (They weren't planned but I love them more than anyhing regardless.) I should not be judged. I would have just ended up taking care of my neices and nephews and little sisters anyway, so if I am going to HAVE to raise kids, they may as well be mine. P.S. You are probably thinking "No she don't have to care for these other kids" but I would much rather see them safe and provided for than without. But I guess that makes me an "immature teen mom" huh?

 

Curious Cat - November 30

Growing up and finding out who you really are has nothing to do with wether or not you drink. It has everything to do with time spent being YOU before you spend time being MOM.. in your case, it should have been even more important, since you have spent your entire childhood taking care of children. you RELLY have no idea what it is like just to be you, you have always been someones caretaker. Now you will have to wait until all the children are grown and out of the house to discover who YOU are. I have seen that happen, and it is a hard and sad process. I only hope that you teach your children better then you were taught.

 

Mommy - November 30

My parents taught me what NOT to do. I would never ever put anything like that on my kids' shoulders. I also believe that having kids will not effect me finding out who I am. I am a nurturer, I feel complete and happy in knowing that I can and will give my kids a life much better than my own. I actually feel like I should be a parent. Is it so wrong that I feel complete as a parent? Maybe, just maybe, I don't feel like doing the whole party scene. Maybe I should be shunned for not wanting to be part of the MTV crowd. It's having a child, not death. Your life is not automatically gone just because you are a parent. Life is actually just beginning for you when you have kids because you get to know how it feels to be completely selfless yet fufilled at the same time. I am the very best parent I can be, and that should be enough for anyone.

 

*X* to Mommy - November 30

If you don't have the money to travel, then you don't have the money to bring up children. I've been broke for as long as I can remember, and I've still managed to travel to a dozen different countries, living extended periods in four of them. You have no desire to travel? Well, that tells me that you have no desire to investigate what goes on outside your own little world, and that is just irresponsible. Just being a parent is not sufficient in life. If you're going to participate responsibly as a member of society - if you're going to cast a vote - you need to be educated about the world around you, whether it's a book education or a travel education or an experience education or all three. Street smarts doesn't really count for much when it comes to your civic responsibility. On top of all that, look at your name, FFS. Right there is evidence that you define yourself by your role as a mother. You are missing out on so much, but you don't even know it, because you ignore the bigger picture. There's nothing wrong with being a mommy, but it is silly to intentionally try to do so as a teenager. It's one thing to accidentally find yourself in that situation, but to intentionally arrange motherhood as a teenager is just ridiculous. Sadly, most of the teenagers on this forum will only recognize this when they realize in retrospect that there is more to life than motherhood.

 

To *X* from Mommy - November 30

I am bringing up my kids fine, thank you. I guess I'm stupid for not wanting to go to all these other places right? Well let me just say that it is ignorant to say that I have no desire to learn about anything "outside my little world." Who are you to tell me that being a parent is not sufficient in life? Really you are ent_tled to your own opinion, but that is just it, OPINION. I would rather not travel out of the states, but I have been to Colorado and Florida and that is fine for me. Excuse me for not wanting to get some foreign disease. You must have ingored my other posts. HELLO MY KIDS WERE NOT PLANNED. But just because you have killed your kid doesn't mean that everyone who finds themselves in a less than perfect situation resorts to selfishness. FYI, being a parent IS a way to be a responsible part of society because duh, you are raising the next generation. Once again you are being selfish in terms of just thinking about here and now. How much do you know about my education? Right now I'm actually preparing to start college. Besides, what you are saying is just what you think, not facts. Unless you are paying for my kids, and living my life, I suggest you b___t out. P.S. The money I could pay for a round trip to wherever would pay for a couple college courses right? But rather go FURTHER my education, I should travel. I guess it is important to have been to France when you are changing a diaper or giving a bath...

 

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