How Long Should I Wait I Need Advice

6 Replies
mdupre - September 25

My husband and I have been married now for almost 9 months. However, we have been dating for 6 years, and lived together for two years. I am 23 and he is soon to be 24. I am having a very hard time wanting to wait to have kids... I would love to be pregnant tomorrow if I could be. However, it seems that everyone we know still thinks we should wait at least two years before trying... they say we need to spend time being married and pursuing our dreams. For me my big dreams involve my kids. I am an artist so my work is at home...and doesnt involve big 9-5 demands. I feel lately as if I am going crazy because I want kids so badly... my husband is trying to help me wait a bit longer... but always says that if i decided i wanted kids it would be pretty easy to convince him. Am I rushing this?

 

docbytch - September 25

I don't think you guys are rushing it at all as long as both of you are on the same page. Don't worry about what people tell you...it's your marriage. Sounds to me like your husband is leaning in the same direction already!

 

cdpace88 - September 25

nobody can tell you when you should have kids...if you and your husband feel ready then there is no reason why you should wait! go for it!

 

PreciousBaby19 - September 27

Hi mdupre. Im in almost the same situation as you. I have known my husband for 7 years, and lived together for 2 years and have been married for 5 months. Shorter than you but still not that long in general. Everyone around us is telling us to wait 5 years until he finishes college. And will not keep their nose out of our business. They constantly our of no where say i dont want to see kids, or better not have to hear crying for a while. Etc. things like that. We have stable amounts of money coming in but now my DH is being swayed by the will of the others who keep putting their nose into our life. Just think this. We haven't made a full decision, but since I'm having fertility problems I want to try for kids sooner than rather go to the possibility of not getting pregnant later. Hes trying to make us wait for the next 2 months because of the tests that are being done on me, but i constantly think about being pregnant, and pregnant women on the streets. We got married on the same page, but outside influence is making our marriage that much harder. You just have to say to yourself.Its a 2 person marriage. And you have to talk to your husband. If you in your heart can't wait. Then you need to talk to him about how you feel. Because its your marriage.

 

sarah21 - October 1

I would say that you are probably ready. I knew my husband for 3 years before we got married, and we were married for 2 years and got pregnant (the same month as our anniversary) on accident. We were trying to wait until he got out of college. He spent 6 years in the Army and gets Army education benefits and is beginning his Junior year at the University I work at. So for the first year and a half of the baby's life, it looks like I will have to work when I really wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. But I had really been aching for a baby. I know how badly you want one. But it does add stress if your circ_mstances aren't what you want them to be. However, it will be hard for you to find a time when everything just clicks into place. It sounds like you have a great plan, though, so I say go for it.

 

sphinx - November 8

I was in a similar situation. We agreed to "not try" to have kids but at the same time "not to prevent it" So, we didn't mark down calenders or plan out anything or use any contraception. It took about 8 months for me to get pregnant that way. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage but I got pregnant again the very next month. The point is that we agreed to the same thing. If you try to rush him, he may resent it later. Just compromise on something.

 

leelee3000 - November 9

Mdupre, let me tell you my experience... My hubby and I have been married for 2 years this month. When we got married we said we would wait a year then try...so we started at the 1 yr. mark and now have been trying a little over a year... in the beginning everyone said wait enjoy being married and I agreed...we have had a lot of fun the past 2 years...so now that we have been ttc for a year now we have experienced drs and tests and such...my point here is I STILL have people saying oh you should just wait...don't rush into anything...we are both 29!!!! How much more waiting should we do!?! LOL anyways, my advice is DO NOT listen to others...the only thing that matters is what you and your husband want and that's it...also another piece of advice when you decide to try don't tell anyone...my other mistake..I was so excited I couldn't help it...half of them say are you pregnant yet? everytime I see them and the other half say...don't rush it...it will happen.. I did enjoy the year we were married and like you we lived together before marriage too. It's ultimately up to you and nobody else... hope this helps...:-)

 

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