Is There Ever A Right Time

21 Replies
Sharyn - May 1

I am a very 'young' 35yr old, (so my friends tell me!). My husband and I both really want to have children, but we are struggling with ‘the right time’. I feel like I could go another five years before I have a baby, because I only feel about 25 and we still have lots we want to do! But then the dreaded 'body clock' comes into the conversation which makes me feel pressured I suppose. When the time of the month comes around, I always say ‘maybe we will try next month’ and keep putting it off. But I would rather have a baby now than find out in a few years that we can’t fall pregnant. I think I’m scared of becoming a parent and such a big change in our lives. If I had a crystal ball and knew all would be fine if we waited another couple of years I probably would, but alternatively if it just happened unplanned we would be really happy. Should we wait any longer, or just stop worrying and go for it!?

 

A - May 1

Stop worrying and go for it! I got married at 22 and my husband and I thought we had all the time in the world to start our family. So we got our house, etc and started ttc at 27. It took us almost 10 years to conceive our son. I've learned that nothing goes the way you plan it. So don't plan! Just have fun and I hope you have a baby on your first try! Best wishes.

 

E - May 2

something else to ponder....did you know that the older a woman gets, the chances of birth defects and things of that sort goes way up? And I think everyone is a little scared of becoming a parent, I mean it's a big responsibility and a big change, but I think it's the best thing a person could ever experience! Maybe don't "try" but don't prevent it either, and see what happens? That way you don't have the pressure of all that planning and timing, and if it happens then it will be a very happy surprise! Good luck to whatever you decide, I'm sure you and your husband will be excellent parents!

 

Liz - May 2

You have to do it when the time is right for YOU.Some say there is never a good time : ) Alot of people have their first mid-late 30's. It's waaay more common than it use to be. Most people I know waited til their 30's to have a child/children. Great luck in whatever you decided.

 

Jessy - May 2

once you've pa__sed the age of 30 you become a "high-risk" pregnancy just as though you were overweight or smoking...and once you turn 40 it's doubled...all this only IF you've never had any before the age of 30...for some reason if you've had babies before the age of 30, "high risk" is'nt much of a deal anymore...so hey, stop thinking about it, AND GO FOR IT, and hope for the best!!! You will be soo glad you did...luckily the child grows slowly so you have some time to learn as you go...it's great being a parent..nothing can compare!

 

Audrea - May 2

When my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first several months ago he would tell everyone that he just didn't think it was the right time for us to be having a child just yet. We got the same response from everyone---If you wait until the "RIGHT" time to start a family, it will never happen. Or---It is never the "right" time to start a family. Or---If you keep waiting for the "right" time to afford having children then you will never be able to afford them--No one ever thinks they ever have enough money when it comes to starting a family..... so there you go...It will never be the right time and you will never be able to afford it your mind so stop trying to prepare for the perfect time because there just isn't that magical number. If you wait for that time then it is very possible it could have already pa__sed right before your eyes..................

 

Mimi - May 3

I was terrified at the thought of childbirth since I was 15 and I told myself and everyone else that I would not have my own children but would adopt. I'll be 38 at the end of the year, and now after much persuasion from friends and mulling over the issue myself, I am ready to have a child of my own. And I'm really really terrified now, not only of childbirth but also the statistics that speak of increased risks of childbirth after 35, for instance of down syndrome. So, let me tell you that if you're spending time now wondering whether to go for it, if you let another few years slip by, you'll be spending time worrying then.

 

Jessy - May 3

ok, apparently I've got OLD SCHOOL info on the age of "high risk"..it's not 30 anymore...NEW RESEARCH as they always say...says 35 now...but you're right there..so you better get started and work hard to stay healthy and strong to beat the odds, girl!

 

Melissa - May 4

Sharyn, you need to do what feels right for you. I like E's response because your risk does go up as you get older and that's important to remember but please don't listen to Jessy. She had her children rather early for today's society and likes to point out on these boards that it's difficult to have healthy children after 30 or 35. This is not the case and I can share stories of several friends who have had very successful pregnancies at this age with no trouble conceiving either. As for there being a right time, there isn't one. I look at it this way - your life will not end because you have a baby but it will change for the better. You'll still be able to do so many of the things you enjoy now, it will just take more planning. If you choose to wait a little longer, that's fine, too, but know that being scared is very normal. Good luck with your decision. Whatever you decide will be the right one for you!

 

Sharyn - May 8

I'm not sure how to reply to all of your comments on the forum page (this is a first for me!), but I wanted to say thank you all very much for your advice, opinions and support. Its great to hear I'm not alone out there feeling a bit apprehensive, and I'm feeling more confident already! We have decided to just see what happens, no pressure either way. But I'm certainly liking the idea much better now.

 

Sharyn - May 11

Most people feel 100% ready to have kids. I think you should feel 75% ready and the rest will fall in place. Sure it's as big change and your free life style will now revolve more around the baby, but it will be a beautiful new chapter for you and your husband. Different, but wonderful. I say if you want children, go for it!

 

kyl - June 24

I bought a 3 bd house then I upgraded it to a million dollar house. I bought a bmw and a mercedes. But I felt it's still not a good time to have a baby 'cause I wanted more. I believe it will never be a perfect time as you will always want more and more. Just go for it.

 

Treasure - June 24

Some people are never really ready to basically give up their life for a child. Sometimes you just have to jump into something and figure it out later. At your age there isn't alot of time for you to wait. If you wait you might regret it if you can't get pregnant later. We all hear these stories of women getting pregnant naturally in their late 30's and 40's but that is definately not the norm. You need to decide if you are willing to sacrifice being a mother. Good luck with your decision!

 

Jen - July 11

If you don't really want kids don't do it. You will love them but have regrets because there will be major changes in your life. Not everyone is meant to have kids some people enjoy life kid free. You just have to do some soul searching to find out which category you fall in. Check out the infertility board or the 35+ board and you will see how hard it is if you wait to long. Not impossible but hard and costly a lot of times. Just have to do what is best for you.

 

Atlantic 10 - August 3

Wow - I wish more of this came out into the mainstream. I'm 38, pregnant with my fiance and having a lot of anxiety for the first time in my life about whether I even want to be a parent after all. Used to say I always did - now seriously doubting...,Keep thinking it isn't the right time, despite my age, and yet it's refreshing to hear that many feel the same and that most find there is never the right time. For me, I keep thinking I want another year or two to play with my husband to be. We're so active, athletic, etc. I keep having these anxious feelings that we'll be housebound and depressed, with no life, just watching bad b-movie videos. I guess some of the conts of waiting too long is getting used to your own independent our coupled lifestyle. It's so hard and I hate these magazines that make it look all so fabulous.

 

Atlantic 10 - August 3

Just a quick addendum. I guess I have to say my age did have something to do with being pregnant right now. 38...I heard that if you want more than one child that it's easier to do if you have your first before 40. I also kept thinking I wasn't so interested in the path of fertility treatments, thus the pressure to get started... you have to really listen to what works best for you about timing. Be prepared, though, for some of this anxiety and uncertainty afterward....I wasn't really prepared for it and it's taken me by storm.

 

ASA - August 8

I don't think it's something that you can ever be ready for so go for it. You get finacially ok and you think emotionally buy NOTHING can prepare you for raising a child. I don't care how many books you read or how much you babysat, you will never believe the journey you will experience. It's really fun, frustrating, different, demanding and worth it. Good Luck.

 

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