Looking For An Outside Opinion

15 Replies
Saydie - March 6

I am almost 21 and just found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I (we have been going out for 6 years) are both still in university (he has 1 year left and I have 2). I guess I'm just wanting to know how fair it is to continue on with this pregnancy. Money isn't an issue and we both live together already, but my boyfriend thinks that this will completely ruin his life and wants me to have an abortion. I always used to think I would have one if I ever got pregnant before I finished school, but now that I am pregnant I don't know what to do. I am kinda curious if anyone knows of people who had a child in university and were still able to complete their degree (I understand it might take me longer but I am ok with that). I am not one of those people who would ever try to hold him back, in fact I would be upset if he didn't finish his degree. So is it selfish of me to even think about keeping the baby? (I hate that I need to ask 'strangers' about this, but I have read a lot from this forum and would appreciate some unbiased opinions.)

 

Loblolly - March 6

FYI - I am still in school and have several cla__smates that have children. One of my best friends got pregnant right when she started school with her second child. The professors were really nice about it and worked around her schedules etc. She had her baby in the middle of the spring semester and they allowed her to not come to cla__s, sent her notes, and she came for tests etc. The point is you will always find a way! It will be harder but it is possible especially if you have the support of friends and family. As for your boyfriend, give him time he will come around hopefully. Don't let him pressure you into something you don't want to do. You make the decision whether you want a child or not, and then decide if you could do it without your boyfriend or not. (Just in case he isn't on board) I also went through this while in school but then had a m/c so I know what thoughts you are having. It is not selfish to keep a child that has been given to you. It is a gift that you can enjoy if you so choose. Good luck! Keep us posted!

 

Frances - March 11

My husband and I are both college students and we have a five year old son and another baby on the way. It's not the easiest thing on earth, but it's doable. We've been married for over 8 years and in school for more than half of that. It's not as hard as you'd think, and totally worth it!

 

orchidmom - March 13

Hi, I have a friend who got pregnant when we were in college, but she could completed to finish the study after the baby was born, but she got the help from her mom and sister to take care of the baby while she went to school. I think you need to talk with your parents.

 

jstar - March 15

Abortion is absolutely not the way to go!!! It is not selfish of you to keep the baby. I would say contrary, it is selfish to take away a childs life- your childs life for ANY reason. This is a blessing. See it for what it is. This imay be something that you and your bf have to overcome but you should take resposibility instead of taking a life. Please reconsider. Don't even think about killing your own child. If you do the right thing, even though it may be the hard thing to do, God will take care of you. Good luck and congrats! You have alot to be happy and thankful for!

 

Saydie - March 15

I wanted to thank everyone for the advice. I don't think I could go through with an abortion, I have been having horrible nightmares about it already and I couldn't imagine what they would be like if I went through with it. The only thing that keeps coming up is that I live far from my family so if i don't have my boyfriend's support then I will basically be on my own. I have a doctor's appointment on tuesday, so I am going to be making my decision after I see her and talk to the counselor at the office. I will let you guys know how it goes. Thanks again for the input =)

 

wailing - March 16

Saydie, I am 29 and was just starting my Masters when I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified and confused for a few weeks but in the end I listened to my heart. At 21 u have plenty of time to finish school and accomplish all ur dreams. There are tons of different types of support in colleges theses days. At almost 30 I'm still going to do the same WITH a baby:) If ur heart is already telling u what to do, just listen. I am 28 wks now and can't IMAGINE not having this baby. I am the happiest I've ever been:)!!!!! There will be hard times but I can tell u that these forums help ALOT so keep reading here and GOODLUCK TO U!!!!

 

april21 - March 18

one of my good friends found out this october that she was pregnant and we are juniors in college. She hasn't had the baby yet but she is going to make it work. If you set your mind to finishing school and being a successful woman then you can do it. It does sound like your guy isn't going to be very supportive though so you should prepare yourself for this...

 

SaraH - March 19

I think that the child always has a right to live. I mean how fare is it to not allow it to have a chance at life just b/c you guys are still in school. If you're having s_x you should be okay w/ the possiblity of having a baby. You can make it work, I've known alot of ppl who have gone to school w/ a child (both highschool and college). Give the baby a chance. It deserves it. It's not selfish of you at all to want to keep it. Your b/f is being selfish by being more concerned w/ his own personal wants then that of his child or his g/f. The baby is alive and it deserves to have it's life. Please give it a chance. By not having an abortion you're being more selfless then selfish --you'll be giving your child a chance at life.

 

andiebub3 - April 11

1.. never be pressured into abortion, you may well regret it for the rest of your life! 2.. If worst comes to worst you could always move back closer to your folks and transfer uni's

 

lilmamaT - April 11

I am 22 and just finishing my gr.12. I dropped out of school when I was 14 and worked till I got pregnant when I was 19. Now I have a 2 yr old and I am pregnant with my 2nd and I graduating with honors and scholorships. I am going to continue with my education after the baby is born, it's been very hard at times. In the end I always think I am doing this to better my life and my son's. Don't give up and do what is in your heart and know else's. It's good for the advice but what I believe is what is in you. If you know you can have a baby and goto school you will be even better at everything and want it that much more. Good luck

 

Tory1980 - April 17

I found out I was pregnant in University and was studying full time. My fiance was of the same opinion as your boyfriend but more so out of shock. It was un-planned (I was on the Pill) and I was 13w4d when I was scanned for the first time three days after taking HPT. It was hard work but my fiance (and husband 4 months later) finished his degree. My baby came six weeks early and required more care than normal so I stopped Uni and got a part-time job. I am back doing an open university course now and I don't regret any decisions I have made and my children are the best thing in my life. I also had a friend in Uni who had her baby (she had a year to go) and pa__sed her degree with flying colours. It may take a little bit more juggling woth time etc. than not having the child but at least you sound willing to do it. I gave my partner a bit of an ultimatum stating I was keeping the baby (I wanted the child very badly) and I was coming as a package deal. Do what is best for you because if you abort the baby on your b/f wishes you will only come to resent him. What worries me is if it will ruin his life while in Uni waht will having a child when he is in a career do? As for ruining his life is that not a little selfish? You didn't get yourself pregnant but it is you who has to make the ultimate decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

mmm - April 30

abortion is your choice but i think u should research on it before u go through with it. i had to do a report on it. and learned that it can cause suicidal tendencies. long term clinical depression... there are just SO much more healh risks than some doctors inform us about. and it does effect the men as well as women. i also read a study that 98% of couple who choose to abort end up breaking up. like i said abortion is your own choice. but do the research i think it will help you a lot in your decision...

 

frankschick2001 - May 14

You probably will not get an unbiased opinion here when it comes to abortion! I say, look deep within (I know that sounds cliche) if your heart is telling you to have this baby, then you clearly should have it. Most of the time I listen to my head over my heart, but in a situation like this, the heart is where to look for your answers. Seriously, go to a completely quiet room and ask yourself if you should have this baby and the answer WILL come to you.

 

lillians_mom - May 22

i was in your same situation twice. the first time i was 19 and so scared. i decided to keep it and face the music, but i ended up miscarring the 7th week. it was the most devistading thing that has ever happened to me. trust me if you go through with an abort, you will never forget that baby. it will haunt you the rest of your life. i now am 23 and have a 7 month old. i took a semester off and am starting back this fall. you can do it, it will just take a bit more work and maybe a little more time. it is worth it though. please odnt give up on that precious baby.

 

MrsShelton217 - May 23

I think you are being totally unselfish by wanting to keep the baby. Your boyfriend on the other hand is being selfish by wanting you to have an abortion so the "baby won't interfere w/ his school and life". Someones priorities need to be kicked back into line. Having children and being in college isn't going to be a breeze, but it's totally possible. If you are 6wks preggo, and he only has one more year left... well... 9 months of that one year you will be pregnant. The baby won't even be here yet. It's not like you are just now starting college. Even if you were, it's still more selfish to think.. "we will just abort the baby so he/she won't interfere w/ our schedules". I am sorry if this came over harsh sounding, but it's more so directed to your boyfriend.

 

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