Need Some Opinions

7 Replies
Jessica - July 6

Ok, my boyfriend of almost three years is in the Army Reserve. I am 19 and will be 20 next year, and am currently a full time student. I have a feeling he may pop the question within a year or so...I'm not sure, just a feeling. Well anyways, I know I want to be with him forever, I actually had an unplanned pregnancy and we went through a miscarriage together, we have been through everything together, he is my best friend. Do you think, with his stable income when he comes home(he is doing construction in the Army and will be offered a full time position after training), and me still attending school, that 20 or 21 is too young for our first child? I am not one of those girls that wants a baby to dress up and all that, I just feel that once we have a stable income I want to start a family. I know my parents will have a problem with it at first. IDK if I really have a question, I just want to know what others think.

 

Jamie - July 7

I'm 23, as is my husband. We're both Active Duty Army, stationed in Germany. Being Army Reserve doesn't pay very well - certainly not enough to support a family. Of course, that depends on his rank. I would say get married, but wait a while before starting a family, so that you get used to the military costs/benefits.

 

mesilla - July 8

i'm 23 and i have a almost 2 year old son. i had him when i was 21, i am Active Duty(AD) Air Force(AF). I know that even AF reserves doesn't pay well. i love my son very much, but i will admit that even as AD AF it has been a struggle to support my son (his father never tried/wanted to support him or me). when i had my son ppl told me i was too young, but i personally have never felt that way. i love him and can't imagine my life without him. are you working or going to school?

 

Jessica - July 8

We would definitly not be living off his reserve earnings, lol. His full time position would be at a construction company based about an hour from where we live now, and he would start off making decent money. Currently I am a full time student and working 30 hrs a week waitressing. I DO NOT want to waitress my whole life, I plan to become a social worker or guidance couselor, hopefully in a school setting. I mean, when he gets home from basic( he is 21), I want to take a few trips and party a little, but I think we are both ready to settle down when we have the income needed.

 

LRK - July 9

On a practical note, you might have better benefits if you are married and he is in this construction job--could be easier for healthcare for you and the baby. How much longer until you graduate? It sounds like you have some great personal goals for your own future. Completing your degree sounds important to these goals. Looks like you guys are really in love and will make great parents, but perhaps you want to wait a little to make sure that all your duckies are in a row. You have plenty of time to start a family, but once you start one, it's a whole new ballgame.

 

R - July 9

it sounds to me like you are leaning towards waiting on your own .if you are very apprehensive about a family now, you should wait a little longer my boyfriend is in the military and i wish we waited. hes gone and a lot and it would have been nice to take some vacation time and do things together before baby. not to mention it stinks when they're gone and your home alone pregnant.a very lonely feeling. just follow your heart and talk to your boyfriend to come to a decision that makes you both happy. good luck

 

mesilla - July 11

it sounds like you have been doing alot of thinking about this already. if you could have your choice what level of school would you be a counselor for? how is basic going for your bf? i got all of my partying out of my system before i had my son, i also worked as a waitress before i joined th military. as long as your bf unit does not get activated he'll get the opportinity to be around for all of the baby's firsts. i wish you two the best of luck.

 

To military girlfriends/wives - July 13

I've been around the military for almost 15 years. One thing I know is that women should be careful/aware of guys coming back from deployments, especially Iraq and Afghanistan. Many of these guys come back thinking "Oh, yeah, it's time to have a baby." My advice: If you have a plan or a want (like finishing college) try to talk him into waiting a bit until you get your needs taken care of. I say this because many, many of our service members (reserves are as likely to deploy these days as the active-duty troops) are returning to Iraq for their third deployment and that means mom is now at home being a single parent.

 

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