Partying Drinking You Quot Mature Quot Women Are Nuts

74 Replies
skinnyminny - December 10

Most of you who keep grumbling about why young teens should not have children keeps sighting the same old story. "What about when you want to go out partying? what happens if you want to go out drinking on the weekends? you're gonna miss all the fun. . yada yada yada" Not everyone likes to drink, not everyone is into the party scene. Hell, not everyone is even that social outside of one or two close friends. I'm not. I would be perfectly happy having a baby because those things are not my priority. It's actually a bit immature of these supposedly "older more mature minded" women to think that your young life is supposed to be one big drunken party. alot of girls are ready to do something meaningful with there lives and don't want to waste anymore time acting like self absorbed lushes.

 

to skinnyminny - December 10

cool ! no argument from me , but why are you focusing on the old bags ?

 

skinnyminny - December 10

just because i have been reading alot of teh older women's comments to the teens on this board who sincerely want children and believe it's the rigth time for them. I can't say if these girls or rfeady or not, and neither can teh woman proclaiming to be so much older and wiser. And i don't think of them as old bags, I just think they are way too judgemental and not focused on what's really important in life. Besides, there are other arguements as to why teens should not be parent's besides the "missing out" part. For one the intense pressure of being totally responsible for another human life, another soul besides your own. I think you have to have enough experience caring for yourself before you can care for someone else.

 

Monique - December 10

No partying, no fun?? Are you a nerd?

 

to skinnyminny - December 10

once again I agree but I hope you don't mind me saying old bags even though you don't think they are , it's just my opinion because you're right 'they like the younger women can't always say they know that they were ready . You only really know once you have the child and are with the child day after day . I don't know how old you are but you are contently wise about things . Cheers

 

actually - December 10

Please don't put everyone under the same umbrella. I haven't done that to you, have I? That wasn't a point I personally brought up in being mature. I don't think people who's idea of adventure, fun, & worldliness is drinking are mature at all. I have never been into drinking or doing drugs, gambling, or having frequent and/or promiscuous s_x... which seems to be quite a few folks' interpretation of the word "party." I'm 30, but this has been my feeling throughout life. I hope no one is insinuating that a number makes you mature. But there are acquired experiences & wisdoms that come through being over the age of 18 in this society (some places, 16 apparently)... just because that's the (sometimes seemingly arbitrary) age it's been decided for humans to be when they can make decisions for themselves for the most part & not have to ask parents. I'm not saying one person is ent_tled to have a baby over another; I'm suggesting that if you've lived under parents & teachers your whole life, you unfortunately have probably not gotten to know yourself on your own, to have adventures (this can be translated many ways), to learn what life is about away from a relatively sheltered existence.

 

Grow up - December 10

I think some of you children need to realize that when the "old bags" tell you you need to go out and have fun before having kids, we mean a lot more than going out and partying and drinking. Go see the world, go get an education (not just high school), go get involved in politics, go get involved in some kind of cause, go out and experience just a small bit of the world before you decide to play out your dolly fantasies of parenthood. You are not qualified to raise a child if you are not aware of the world outside your hometown and your teenager's life. If you're not educated yourself, you'll just bring up your children to be uneducated as you are.

 

to skinny minny - December 10

I agree with you. I graduated from high school last year. I had alot of "friends" but one best friend. She and I were inseperable. We always joked that we were the same person. We acted the same way. We're both nice, religious, family oriented, pretty (hope you don't think i'm being conceited), and smart. Throughout our entire high school career we had never drank or partied, had s_x or anything. Well, when graduation time came, we tearfully let eachother go. She went to Ferris State University and I married my high school sweetheart. Now on Holidays when we see eachother, I'm so happy I didn't choose the path that she did. While she is out drinking, pa__sing out, fooling around with guys, losing her faith in God, and just generally making a mess of herself I am happy and stable. My husband is an electrical engineer making enough money to support me and the little one that is on the way. I plan on being a stay at home mommy. I supported us for a year by waitressing and now I get to do what I want. Settle down and raise a family. It has always been my dream and this IS my fun! the other women who get on here and may say that I'm too young, at 18, to be doing this.... they don't know me, but my family knows me. They know that I have paid many dues in life and that I have come through it wonderfully. They know that this is what I want and I am mature enough to do it. I may not be wise, but not many people are. I will acquire that through time. I hope some women read this and think that maybe not EVERYONE should wait until they're 27 to get married and have kids. There are some of us out there who are ready to do it at 18, maybe even a few who are younger, I don't believe in marriage and babies when you are under 17 years old, but I do believe, and still do, that I am ready. I didn't need parties and drinking to make me ready. I learned from the school of hard knocks. An alcoholic grandfather taught me never to take a sip. An abusive father taugh me compa__sion and love gets your further than a smack across the face. They never said these things, but it was what I chose to learn from them . To the women who don't believe that anyone under 25 can raise a child adequately ,Just remember, some women are ready ( as ready as you can be!), so please don't automatically accuse them of being to immature.

 

to skinnyminny - December 10

true that wasn't the point you were trying to make although , ' I was ' so that would make you more mature than I even though I am much older than you are . Age is a very large contributor to maturity the only difference is how synical one becomes with age that's the reference to my statement 'old bags' Are we being synical about Partying ? Drinking ? You conduct yourself appropriately and understand the meaning of keeping your world uncomplicated this is a good thing because although the poster named 'Grow up' is trying to be sincere it is also wishful thinking because the statement would clearly disqualify at least 50% of the worlds population , probably much much more than that because education has very little to with it in the broad spectrum of the worlds economic, situation, and capability regions.

 

skinnyminny - December 11

I have met way too many young mother's who thought they were ready for children, but like you said, Grow up, weren't ready to let go of their teenage lifestyle. I know one young woman who is 19 and pregant with her third, the other day i watched her down a wine cooler. She leaves her children at grandmas and leaves to pursue some silly fantasy she has about "living her life" When you have children you're life is no longer you're own, you now must devote yourself to your children. You make an excellent point about seeing more of the world, gaining knowledge, ect. I couldn't agree more, I just feel that it's silly to use achohol and parties as an incentive to encourage young girls to think twice about motherhood. I am 17. I might be pregnant with my boyfirend of 3 years. I really want a baby, but i want to give them everything, so my plan was to finish college. But i can say that the pain of watches other mothers with their children was killing me. I had and still have no desire to drink or party. This is my first year of college and i went to one party and got extremely drunk one time. The party was fun, but not for me, and the drinking messed me up so bad that i can't even take wine in church without it turning my stomach. I will be okay, and I will continue my education and i will give my child everything i possibly can. There are several other young woman on this message board who are having babies young. Rather than lecture them in an attempt "to help", you more experienced woman should be helping guide them through what, as you say "will be a very difficult experience). And when attempting to save the lives of those who are not yet pregnant, place more emphasis on the "Go see the world, go get an education (not just high school), go get involved in politics, go get involved in some kind of cause, go out and experience just a small bit of the world" P.s. there really is no need to call these girls stupid, you'll only make them angry and less responsive to guidance. All of us are here because we need and want to give help to our fellow mother's and mother's to be. Lets just keep that in mind in our day-to-day visits to this board.

 

Med Student - December 11

I must say that I am more concerned with a woman's physical, emotional, and social maturity than with her ability to refrain from partying, as I know many older women who still go out and have a good time. One of these women is my mother who considers herself a gourmet beer connoisseur and she is roughly 32 years older than I. However, a teenager is rarely ready for such a drastic change no matter how mature they think they are. I was there once too, so I'm not insulting you. I was so much more immature than I thought I was and I wouldn't listen to anyone who pointed it out. Now that I am older and married and a mom, I look back and am amazingly appalled at how little I knew. Even if you don't like to party, and I am thrilled that you don't, the responsibility having a baby requires is so far beyond being a homebody and not wanting to party that I'm not sure you can understand. I remember, and I was in my twenties and married, that having a baby would be fine since I didn't do much outside the home. Then I realized that the activities a baby can curtail can include showering, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, wearing decent clothes and/or makeup, sleeping at all for months, talking to anyone that does or does not live with you, and the list goes on and on. I can also tell you that it is about 3 million times harder to go to school when you have children and working is no picnic either. And if you have a child without a husband it is harder still. Purposely having a baby as a teenager is a bad decision. All the teen mothers I went to high school with are having a really hard time now that they have figured that out.

 

Mommy - December 11

I was never inton the party scene either. Want to know what I enjoy? I like to rent movies on the weekends and watch them with my hubby and kids. I like to read when I am not cleaning, cooking or chasing my boys. I like taking my kids to the park and showing them things. I like spending time with my family. Before I had kids and got married, I liked to read. I liked to study. I liked to take my little sister to the park and try to teach them things. Could I have went out and got drunk or high? You bet. In my family my mom and my older brother would share a joint. Demented I know, but if I wanted to join I was free to. I could have dated a bunch of guys, but no. Travel is something I have/had no interest in. I seen my sister in Colorado when I was 14, I got carsick, I'm scared to death of planes and boats so really I'm not interested in travel. I have always been family oriented and yes, I guess I am a nerd if you look at it, but if I had to choose between reading a good book or bar hopping I would choose the book. You know when you finish a good book you don't have to worry about going to the clinic to make sure you didn't catch anything from it or that it will stalk you after.

 

skinnyminny - December 11

I'm not a homebody. I go out with friends, and I engage in other social ativities, they just aren't the most important thing to me. As far as not being able to get through a shower without havign to tend to a cranky child, or dress up, ect. These are minor inconviences. One day teh kids will be all grown up and you'll look back at the hell and heartbreak of raising them, but you'll be so proud they made it. It's all about shaping them into teh best person they can be in the long run. And yes, you do need life experience and knowledge to do that. You do need more patience than seems humanly possible, you do have to sacrifice so many things. I agree with everything. My point here was that we shouldn't push teh wrong ideals on these girls, and we shouldn't insult them. Guidance, people. Help them. Help me. It's all about compa__sion and understanding. So many older woman TTC have no patience for the young girls on this board. How are they supposed to deal with their own teenagers in a few years if all they can do is hurl insults?

 

Grow up - December 11

"the statement would clearly disqualify at least 50% of the worlds population" -- Yep, and well over 50% of the world's population SHOULD be disqualified from having kids. Just look at this website. Half the people on here can't even string a sentence together. Sadly, the uneducated are outpopulating the educated at an exponential rate.

 

Bonnie - December 11

"Yep, and well over 50% of the world's population SHOULD be disqualified from having kids. Just look at this website."...ROFL that one made me laugh out loud. Sadly true, but funny. :P...... Skinnyminny, I think you have gotten confused in thinking that when someone says that teenagers miss out on a lot, that does not mean getting drunk every weekend. Fun does not mean drunken parties, at least not always :P. Pardon me for speaking on behalf os us older women (ugh, since when did 34 become old, lol).....but here is the basics of what we all keep saying.....1. A teenager CAN be a good mother just as easily as an older woman can be a terrible mother, but a teenager statistically is less likely to do well (And you cannot say, "Well that won't happen to ME!!" No one sets out to make bad choices.). 2. In most of these posts I keep hearing the same comments. (i.e. I want to have a baby. It's the right time for ME. I will do what I want and I don't care what you have to say. If things don't work out, the baby and I will just get by.) Me, me, me, me, I, I, I, I, etc. etc. No one seems to think about what is best for the child, it's all about themselves. And selfishness makes for a bad mother. 3. Once you have children, if you plan on being a good mother, it's all about the baby for the rest of that child's life. Sure, you can still do things for you. Sure you could still go to school and make something of yourself. But to think you can have a child and do it all is fantasy. No matter what happens you WILL give up many many things for the sake of your child.

 

Bonnie - December 11

On another note, things I would like young people to think about before trying to conceive on purpose.......1. Ask any teenage parent and they will always tell you the same thing. That yes, having a baby is the greatest gift ever and they are so happy with NO regrets, but if they could have done it again they would have waited awhile. 2. Most people live at least until their 80's nowadays. That means at age 20 you have only lived a 1/4 of your life. There is PLENTY of time for babies. Why not wait and enjoy your own life a little bit first. 3. Waiting to enjoy life doesn't mean partying every weekend. It means getting some life experience. Being able to take care of yourself. Which leads me to number four. 4. Have a few years alone with your husband. I can't stress this one enough. Babies do not make relationships easier, they make them much more difficult. Have a few years alone with your DH not only to make sure your reltionship is strong enough to handle it and last, but also to have a little fun. Romantic dates, s_x, fun surprises....all go out the window with children. Everything must be planned. Sure, you still get all of those things, but spontenaeity goes right out the window. Forget about s_x in the living room or the kitchen table, lol. ......................... Babies most certainly do not make life dull or bad. They are absolutely wonderful! But once you have them, it is forever. At the minimum you have 18 years of watching over them night and day (though the job never really ends). To me, when 20 years is a quarter of most people's life, it makes more sense to have a little fun and enjoy other aspects of life. Give your own life a little time before devoting the entire rest of it to your children, you have tons of time for that too. Try to enjoy everything in life that there is to enjoy. :)

 

Jane - December 11

I have been reading all of these posts, and it is quite obvious that everyone has a pretty strong opinion about this. I am kind of in the middle of the spectrum--I am 26 and expecting my second child. (my first is 20 months). Some of you are seeming to imply that once you have a child, you are no longer able to experience life at its fullest. A lot changes, yes, but I don't think that you lose your ident_ty with a child. I believe that if a parent is married (babies need 2 parents--and parents need each other's support!) it is up to them and God to decide when they are ready to have a child!

 

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