To All Teens Ttc And The People Who Argue With Them

6 Replies
Kal - October 7

Just a quick idea (not wanting to be confrontational, just wanting to make a suggestion); if people feel that their choices aren't anyone elses business, why post those choices on a forum where people will inevitably comment on them? Right, onto the background info bit. I'm 23, got married last year (and friends still tell me they think I was too young!) I remember when I was 16 - I was totally in love with my boyfriend, we thought we'd be together forever. We had the best relationship - we never argued, we understood each other..we knew what we wanted out of life. He was earning enough money to support us, and we'd decided that when I finished school we would move in together. We'd been together for 2 years when he proposed and I accepted. I was totally confident that I had enough life experience to make that decision for myself, and I had often been told by other people that I was very mature. I knew what I wanted, and I told everyone it was none of their business to tell me that I couldn't/shouldn't go through with it. My parents intervened quite forcefully, and for the sake of a peaceful life I decided to wait. Thank God I did - when I turned 18 I started a job and met loads of new people...and realised that my wonderful fiance really wasn't as wonderful as I'd thought he was. He was a nice bloke...but I just hadn't seen enough of the world before then to realise that he wasn't as fantastic as I'd believed. We split up after a very long term relationship, and I started seeing someone else. Then that broke up and, eventually, in February 2004 my best friend and I started a relationship. My best friend is now my husband, and we're expecting our first baby. I'm so grateful that I didn't end up marrying my boyfriend when I was 16...I honestly thought I was ready and able to make that sort of a commitment...but if I had have done I'd have missed out on a life I didn't know I wanted, on experiences that have enabled me to grow as a person, and I would have sacrificed the remaining years of a childhood that I already believed was over. I just want to say to any teenagers who are thinking of having a baby, please please please just sit down and go through all the negative stuff, as miserable as it may seem. It's easy to defend your decisions, it's easy to argue for what you want, and when you're growing up it's incredibly easy to think that you're very mature when in actual fact you may still be lacking in life experience. I'm not saying this as one of the "over 25's" you denounce, I'm saying it as one young person to another - I remember thinking the way that you seem to be thinking now. By no means am I suggesting that everybody should live their life the way I lived mine; I can easily see that everybodys situation and mindset is different; what works for one person won't work for another. Just try for a few minutes to stop arguing that you're mature, stop claiming that you're settled, stop telling yourself that you're stable and that your outlook won't change with age. Think about where you'd be and what you could achieve in the next few years if you chose not to have a baby. Maybe try talking to a few people who you feel are young enough to remember how they thought and felt when they were your age, and try being more open to the comments from older people who are actually just worried for you. Ok, some people are way too confrontational with their opinions - the mature thing to do is to just ignore those people. If someone is trying to help, maybe you could thank them for their opinions, even if what they're saying isn't what you wanted to hear? If you need advice, ask for advice. If you want peoples opinions on a decision you're already committed to, be prepared to receive both positive and negative responses. And if you have to ask if you're old enough to have a baby, the answer is probably no you're not - it's a big decision, you need to be totally confident in your own mind that you're ready before you go through with it. If you need to ask, you're not at that stage of confidence yet and it needs a little more thought. Apologies for the ridiculously long post, I just wanted to try to help.

 

Samantha - October 7

More people should be like you but unfortunatly there arent many who are.... But see the thing is i know im going to grow alot more than i already have because i can look back on a year ago and now and see the big difference... I just get so tired of people telling me it is wrong to get married at 15 and for my friend 14.... instead of telling us they are proud we could keep our marrieges together ... even if they dont agree with how young we did get married... we never said it wasnt young but who are they to say it is wrong ... when in all realization there is not a right or wrong only how different people view different things. Just for the record i didnt ask if i was to young to have a child i just asked wat people thought of the situation (not being defensive... just saying ) I wish that people could learn to be more open minded and accept the things they can not change people are going to be who they want no matter what ... and people could eitheir accept it or hate them for it ... but you know they are missing out on alot if they dont...

 

March_Mommy06 - October 7

Hey. I absolutely agree with you. If you have to ask if you are old enough, then you haven't seriously considered it. Yes, I am 17 and Yes, I am having a baby in March...but it wasn't planned. And to those who will say BIRTHCONTROL, I was on it. I was on the Depo Shot! I never expected I would be a statistic! I never thought I would have so many people tell me I couldn't do it. I have overcome so much in my life, more than anyone should ever have to deal with, but now everyone says I'm not strong enough. That hurts more than knowing my baby will grow up without her real father. Girls, I promise you that Mr.Perfect at this age, isn't really. To him, you are Ms.Fun To Play! You may think he loves you, and some might actually, but wait until things get real hard. He will up and leave you! Sometimes, like in my case, I left him because I knew I couldn't raise my baby with him!! Even though we were going to get married this coming May, I got smart after making enough bad decisions. What I am trying to say is, just because you have a wonderful boyfriend now, doesn't mean he will be wonderful when you gain 30lbs and cannot shave your own legs! He's not going to be there to help, he will be at the football game or something!! Think about it seriously! If I could have seen where my life was going, I would have never gotten into this. But now my unborn baby is already the love of my life, but sometimes I wish it wasn't really happening. I worry about being a good mommy to her. Not in the love and care category, but the money and putting her through school and all of that. Her graduating when I am not even 35! Yeah, most teens are like "I wish my mom was young like me and blah blah blah" but think about all the hardships. Another thing, after the babys daddy most likely freaks out and leaves, not too many guys are going to be up for dating. Thankfully, I have been dating this wonderful guy now for about a month. We have a wonderful time together, but we are not rushing into anything because life will be 100% different in March! Please think over your wants and reality!

 

Samantha - October 7

Hey congratulations on your baby and don't ever doubt that you will be a good mother just because of your age and what not my SIL got prego at 17 and let me tell u something my niece is the most wonderful child (aside from her little tantrums lol) A child is a gift from God and i know that in your situation your daughter was meant to be because you were taking the right precautions... so God must have a big plan in store for the two of you. Im sorry about the babys father some guys are jerks ... but dont blame all guys for the mistake that hes making ... when he grows up and matures he will wish he would have been there...I am married to a wonderful man and i know for a fact that he would never leave me... even if i was prego cuz any man that can put up with me through my period has to be a saint hahahahaha anyways...I wish you the best

 

Su - October 7

Glad to see this isn't turning into an argument (as so many threads do)! I agree that people shouldn't post their experiences on here and ask for views if they're not comfortable with receiving very negative responses...it's bound to happen, and it just starts pointless arguments and results in a lot of upset, frustrated pregnant women! And ladies - we don't need any more emotions that we already have!

 

sherry - October 8

true, true!!

 

carrie. - October 10

yep,parents have your best interests at heart,and as you realise,when you started to mature you looked at things differenty,including your partner,good post.

 

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