Why Are So Many People Down On Young Women Wanting Children

29 Replies
heidi - October 12

I am 18 years old, I am getting married next Saturday (Oct.22) and we are going to start trying to conceive ASAP. I actually come off the pill in June and since that time have used no form of birth control. I understand concerns when a women/girl is not self supporting, not educated and the like. That is not my case. I graduated from high school one year early. I am now a sophmore in college. We own our own home and a fairly succesful business designing and selling skate board clothing. I have traveled, met interesting people and have had a good number of life experiances. But I continue to hear people say, " your so young to want a baby, babies are a life long commentment (duh), your so smart, so pretty, what are you thinking" I don't understand. I really don't think it is easier when you are in your 30's. My mom has three friends who became first time moms after the age of 35. One is handling it ok. One is a complete wreck, has had a breakdown...she is an eye doctor and has a full time nanny but still as had one h__l of a time adjusting. The other is also stuggling to adjust, had to call her mom here to help her with a one year old and is a stay at home mom. I just would like someone to explain why so many people are concerned and so darn opinionated regarding this topic.....anyone

 

heidi - October 12

excuse the type o's......

 

Kal - October 12

Hi Heidi. I think people get irate more at the 14/15 year olds who post that they want to ttc without showing a particularly mature att_tude. (I'm not saying this is all 14/15yr olds, just some). I think most people understand that situations differ from person to person. If your comments refer to people in your everyday life...I think that for some reason people do see pregnancy as a public domain, whereby they feel it's appropriate to give their opinions without having been asked for them. When DH and I were ttc, we just kept it quiet - I'm 23 and he's 28, but we were both fully aware that we would be given far too many opinions that we really didn't want, and that our families would have tried to talk us out of it. In some cases you need to accept - no matter how old you are, you're always going to be a baby to someone xxx

 

heidi - October 12

Thank you Kal...I am mainly talking about individuals in everyday life. My future husbadn in only 22 but he also wants a child. I now see that people feel they have a right to comment on other people reproductive choices... My mother , although not fully supportive, is understanding ( she has had 6 babies and helps a mid wife with deliveries) Complete strangers even make comments.....

 

Kal - October 12

Just wait until you get pregnant - it gets so much worse! I've been getting more and more irritated with people telling me that I should do this, shouldn't eat that, such and such will help with morning sickness, I should be gaining x amount of weight (even better is people who look at you, say "you've put some weight on, how much?" You wouldn't normally say that to someone!) It's probably quite funny, if you think about it...but extremely frustrating... xxx

 

heidi - October 12

Kal..CONGRATS...when are you due?

 

Kal - October 12

Due 16th of May - it's still early, but we're totally thrilled! Congratulations on your wedding too - where are you having it? And how's everything going?

 

Christina - October 12

Heidi, congratulations. I only wish I such successes as you. I am working on my paralegal degree and working full time as a legal a__sistant and my police officer fiancee has moved us to a wonderful area to raise our family we're expecting. I wish you the best of luck; how wonderful. Honestly, do what makes you happy. You seem to have the most wonderful cushioning to begin a family and that you have your head on straight. You actually appear to be more in-the-know then many mothers. I only wish I had the financial support you do. I oftentimes look at houses and my fiance and I are trying our best to save as much as we can to get to the point you are. He's going to be 24 in a couple weeks and I'm nearly 20. I know this wasn't the spot to say this, but I wanted to tell you congratulations.

 

heidi - October 12

Thank you Christina....

 

Bonnie - October 12

I think the reason people are concerned is simply for the sake of the child. The younger you are (statistically anyway) the more chance there is for split families, abuse, lack of money, etc. It sure doesn't mean that all teen mothers are bad and all 35 year-old moms are good. But generally, when someone is more established in life and has been with their partner a long while then you have a much better chance of giving that baby a good life. I get agitated when I see so many posts on this particualr message board from young teenagers who want babies, and because they "want it bad enough" then they should get one. I think that is fine if we are talking about a new dress, but not when it comes to human life. Many people just do not seem to consider what would actually be best for the child. Should a child be brought up by a 14 year-old still living at home with mommy to help them? (To me, that seems more like babysitting than parenting) Should a child be brought up by a 16 year-old married and living on her own? (To me, a relationship just doesn't seem established enough at that point) Do I think a teen can be a good parent? Sure, if they work incredibly hard. In my own opinion, 18 seems very young as well to have a child when you are just getting married. I personally think it is better to enjoy your marriage a couple years before adding a baby to the mix. I think marriage is a shock enough as it is, lol and it takes a while to adapt to that let alone adding a baby (talk about some REAL stress at that point). But...it is your life to live. If you can definately take care of that child emotionally and financially that is good. Hopefully the marriage will last as well so that daddy will always be there. And while I will surely give my opinions on a message board like this, I would never look at someone who is pregnant face-to-face and tell them they are too young. Those comments you get from people are completely innapropriate and none of their business (unless you asked them their opinion). Heck, even at being 34 and pregnant I get comments like that from people, telling me what to eat, how to decorate....it's irritating. Good luck to you on TTC. :)

 

Lisa - October 18

I really don't have a problem with a married, employed 18 year old wanting a baby. That is your descision, and it's none of my business (if you are able to financially support it, without help from the government that is). Anyway, I just don't like the 14 year old girls coming on to these sights asking for grown women to give them their blessings to go ahead and have a baby! Any 14 year old who gets pregnant on purpose needs to have her head examined. These girls seem to think that having a baby means everyone will be nice to them, and that it's all about round bellies and fuzzy slippers! Well, after that baby comes out, people will not want anything to do with you when the baby won't stop crying. Or when it gets older and has no respect for it's mother and then this kid becomes a burden on society. Who needs it? What kind of discipline can a 14 year old girl dispense? And YES, kids need discipline as well as love. And a 14 or 15 or 16 year old girl is just no mentally equiped for that. Pregnant women ARE cute. Pregnant teenagers are NOT. Babies are cute, teenage welfare recipients ARE NOT!!

 

To Heidi - November 16

These are not "young women" as you call them. They are kids, barely in the midst of puberty. Stop enabling them. And lets call them what they are. For pete's sake they can't even vote yet!

 

mandaleeanne - March 16

HEIDI. I read your thread and I agree with you. I'm 20, I have been with only one person and we've been together for 2 years. I got pregnant (unplanned) and I am 13 weeks as of today. Of course I was very scared, my mom even pushed for me to have an abortion b/c she thinks I have so much to offer and that a baby will take all of that away. I did think about abortion, but being someone who never believed in it and my heart telling me to have my baby, I made the right choice...to keep him/her. Just curious...I skateboard and I love it...I also love art and I have thought about becoming a designer. How did you go about getting your own business designing skateboarding clothes? That's awesome....*BABY DUST*

 

mandaleeanne - March 16

.

 

katie00 - March 16

I know this post is from october but I imagine you are not the only one who wonders this.Like the other post said most "put downs" or ment for young girl not out of high school,not married or employed.I don't have that many years on you and I'm not going to lecture you.Even if I did it would fall on deaf ears.I will tell you my opinion.Sometimes you don't know you have a intrest in somthing for a while.My friends mother married her high school boyfriend at 18 and had a child because thats what she was taught to do.Around 22 she descovered she had a pa__sion for archaeology.She was never able to pursue that career due to the responsibitly of motherhood.Around the same time her once loving husband turned violent,she left him remarried and had anther child.To redo it again she would have waited.the stress of a baby can break up the best of marrage.It truely takes more then two years to get to know a person.Many of the girls I want to school with that had kids(16-18) planned or not loved to do things with them until they were no longer cute.You need to do what works for you and stranger need to mind their own beeswax.They do have valid points that you will not understand for a few years.Believe it or not you grandmother said some of the same thing to your mother and you will do the same to your child.It is a never ending cycle.You will find the older you get you didn't really know that much.

 

mandaleeanne - March 16

katie was that post meant for me to read?

 

katie00 - March 20

To Mandaleeannne-I'm not sure why you would think it was for you.It was ment to be a general answer.Lots of people(including so called mature aldults) think two years is long enough but it is not.I have been with my husband six years and can say this looking back.I'm sorry if it came off a a personal attack,it was not ment that way.

 

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