Has Your Husband Partner Ever Made You Feel This Bad

18 Replies
Melissa - August 30

HI, I am 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child. My husband has just informed me a couple of days ago that even though he is excited to be having another baby, he is still turned off from me having a baby almost 5 years ago. I had to have a c-section and am having a scheduled c-section this time around. He told me that the last time I gave birth, it was the most grossest thing he ever saw and that I stunk. Both of these things are obviously totally out of my control. After delivery, the nurses really wanted him to do as much as he could like helping me get in the shower and using the squirt bottle down there and suppositories. There was no way I could do that all by myself. He says that all of that was the most horrible thing he has ever had to do and that even my actions turned him off because I needed help getting out of bed and could hardly walk, etc. Oh ya, there was some puking involved to because of the anethesia. Basically, he has made me feel so ugly and horrible about myself that I am not excited to have the baby anymore. Obviously he should be in the operating room when the baby is born, but now I feel like after that, he should just go home and stay there until I get home and then leave again so that he doesnt need to see any of that. I mean I dont want to turn him off. I feel so horrible, especially since all of those things are going to be completely out of my control again. I went through all of that to have his baby. I told him how I felt this morning and he apoligized and said that he wishes that he could take it back. I am still probably going to feel so totally self conscious now though. I dont want him to have to help me with all that gross disgusting stuff, but what can I do? I basically wont have anyone else either.

 

Amy P - August 31

I am soooo sorry:( i am thinking maybe he meant it differently and it came out wrong? i am sure he is nervous about the birth too and maybe there were things about it that bothered him and he is worrying about having to do it again and instead of talking to you about it he just freaked out...maybe it has been on his mind alot ya know...they say guys go through it all when we are pregnagnt too...(not sure if i believe that) but hey maybe he is freaking out too....yes he could have talked to you about it a little better but maybe this is how he is dealing with his feelings?

 

Amy - August 31

Melissa hi well that is just crazy of your husband my husband has seen it 3 times and #4 will be here in feb i can tell you that it will get easier my first was c section was bad but as i had more they were easier so hopefully you will not need him as much good luck

 

emm - August 31

Melissa, I am sorry to hear ur husband said the things he did, it was inconsiderate. You have to understand too, that everyone can't handle that kind of stuff, I am sure he didn't mean to hurt ur feelings and he was just expressing himself. I too had a c section, I will say, the second time is nothing like the first. I couldn't do anything for myself, thank God for my mother who is a nurse, and my husband who was born and raised farming and dealing with gross stuff. I was pitiful. The second time, I was up and walking the next day at the hospital, stomach hurt a little, but nothing like the first time. I am sure u will be able to handle a lot of things this time on ur own, like cleaning and stuff, just use a mirror, and ask for them to give u the suppositories, it is their job, not ur husband if u r at the hospital. My husband didn't complain about cleaning me, he told me that he doesn't like to look at preg women bodies. LOL I told him he will just have to deal with it. We r ttc this month. I know that this baby means a lot to u, don't let his words mess up the experience, just start thinking to urself... this is my life too, and he will just have to deal with it. You r his wife and if it were him, u would be there. Sometimes we have to treat men the way they treat us...in a sense of what is imp to us isn't imp to them, so they half way listen anyway, that's what we have to do. Listen and don't listen only when it applies. Just say to urself... whatever, and smile and think u will have to work too, not just me ;). My husband had surgery on his knee when I was 7 months preg, oh my goodness... it was horrible he couldn't do anything, I had to wipe his b___t, he was throwing up, i had to clean it up, it was bad, I told him it was bad, but we joke about it. I guess what i am saying is don't take it to heart, he loves you. When bad things come our way, its not how bad it is that counts, but how we deal with the issue at hand. I pray you feel better and ENJOY ur pregnancy and birth. One more thing, when u r at the hospital, its not ur husband's job to clean u , that's why they pay nurses, press the b___ton and get them in there, if u let some of them be lazy, they will be. When I had my first c section I was cleaned and all. God Bless

 

Jessi - September 11

Get rid of the husband. You can do better.

 

mandy - September 12

My father did not go with my mother when she had my brother or me,those days it was'nt the done thing,also,like me he would be hopeless,maybe that would have been better with your husband,maybe he hates seeing that,and in a way is scared or worried for you having to go through it again.My husband always treats me with respect,in our relationship its more like the other way around.

 

VANESSA - September 12

think to yourself would you do it for him if the tables were turned? of course! don't feel bad about him having to help you out with all your personal needs after the babies born you did'nt get yourself pregnant just like you didn't have the choice that your body will be going through all these changes i'm sure if we all had the choice we would look like supermodels after the baby is born with no gross stuff afterwards but we can't so he is just going to have to deal with it don't allow him to make you feel like that and never let him make you feel like your not excited about your baby your beautiful, don't think about the negative, think about the baby your bringing into the world and how your husband would probably kill himself if he had to go through something like that and lets remind him that he would not look to good himself if he was the one going through the aftermath of delivery.

 

Lynne - September 20

Apparently he wasn't too turned off from the first pregnancy. After all you are pregnant again. If you have anyone else that can help you that your are comfortable with, ask them to be there instead of him. (If that would help you better)

 

Mallory - September 24

Sorry that happened. I too wonder if it just came out wrong, worse then he meant it. Men sometimes have a hard time getting their point across tactfully. And us as women can be so quick to take offense too, especially if we are pregnant and excessively hormonal!! (hugs) Try not to worry about it. And he did apologize, so just gently remind him how you need him and hey, he vowed he would be there for you -- "In sickness and in health" right? :) On the other hand, how would you feel if your misery turned him on!?! LOL Yep, hubby helped me take a shower one day at the hospital and hello where'd the hard-on come from and WHY?!? LOL Guess that my dire need of his help (since I wouldn't allow anyone else to get that personal with me and see me in such pain) it apparently made him hot. LOL How do you gently tell a man that you just had a c-sec two days ago and certainly AREN'T in the mood yet!?! LOL

 

Jbear - September 24

I guess every man reacts differently. My husband has bragged for three years that he got to see our first baby being born, and this time they didn't make him stay behind the drape by my head, so he got to see everything, and he's been bragging that he got to see my insides (gross!). Also, the reason the nurses wanted your husband to help you with everything is because otherwise they'd have to. When I had my second c-section, my husband was home most of the time with our three year old, and when there was something I really couldn't do myself, I had a nurse help me.

 

Anne - September 25

There is NOTHING gross about giving birth. He has the problem and he needs to grow up in a major and clinical way. Do not let a man or any person make you feel anything less than amazingly beautiful in regards to the birth of you child. You deserve better and don't settle for less, ever.

 

Jbear - September 27

I didn't mean the birth itself was gross...I meant my husband going around telling all the relatives he got to see my guts was gross.

 

to Melissa - October 5

That stinks. Get into some self-help books and to a therapist if you can. You deserve to feel good about yourself and your baby, even if he's got immaturity/emotional problems or is inconsiderate.

 

irene - October 6

Hi Melissa, I can some what relate to you because my husband and i have been married for only 3 months and i am 23 weeks pregnant and it seems to me that he is not happy with the fact that we are having the baby and all we are doing is fighting all the time. To me it seems as though he really doesn't want me to have this child because of all the stress he puts on me. So this is my advice to you Melissa, have your second wonderful child and don't listen to what he has to say. He should of thought about it better when he was having s_x with you. So ignore his mean thoughts and just pay attention to give birth a wonderful healthy baby and being a great mother with or with out your husband.

 

dominic - October 11

Had my first 4-24-97 daughter and 2nd daughter 9-15-05 and luckly my husband was there for both but only stayed with me in the hospital the first time ,but both times I had nurses to help me do everything although my husband wanted to help me however he could both times I was scared he'd be too rough and in stead of help me that he might help me hurt myself but either way the nurses are there to help you with your every need and ur babys so don't take to heart what ur husband said I've been married 10yrs and just had my 2nd and still thought I'd be better off with help from a nurse....lol... Plus they get paid to help you and do what you ask for you and ur baby so live it up if he's there or not, and hey look @ it like ur on a vacation with out him it'll be just u and the new baby and hell be @home with ur other baby picking up where u left off and maybe then hell appriciate u and all u do no matter how grossed out he might think he is....well good luck and take care!

 

andrea - October 11

I had a c-section in 2003 and 1998 with my last two kids. what your husband has to realize is that child birth is a beautiful thing whether natural or section. And plus he took part in making these children and it is his responible to take care of you until you are better. And it was not that bad for him to hurt your feeling maybe he just do not want to do his part. My husband was great when we had our last child he done every thing bathing me and even changing my pads just tell him how you feel and when those 6 weeks are up you know what he is going to have on his mind and just tell him what he said about you.

 

andrea - October 11

I had a c-section in 2003 and 1998. my husband was great. just pray for him and tell him you did not turn him off that much you are pregnant agin

 

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