16 Amp MIXED EMOTIONS

7 Replies
shesdymed - June 16

well most of u already know that i was pregnant before but had an abortion to now know that i got 3 positive home pregnancy test these past 3 days. WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN MIXED FEELING PAST ALL THRU MY MIND. I WASNT SO HAPPY TO KNOW THAT I WAS PREGNANT. THE FIRST TIME I WAS PREGNANT I WAS SOOOO HAPPY AND I WAS WILLING TO KEEP IT BUT SO MANY PEOPLE WERE AGAINST ME HAVING THE CHILD. AND WORDS CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW MUCH I HAT EMYSELF FOR GOING THRU WITH THE ABORTION...................... ANYWAY, NOW THAT IM PREGNANT AGAIN I FEEL HORRIBLE, IM NOT HAPPY TO KNOW IM PREGNANT IM SOO STRESSED TO HAVE TO GO THRU THIS PROCESS OF TELLIN MY FAMILY AGAIN. I REFUSE TO GET ANOTHER ABORTION BUT I FEEL SOO BAD FOR FEELIN LIKE I DONT LOVE THIS BABY THATS GROWING IN MY BELLY. IM SCARED IN SOO MANY WAYS FOR MYSELF, MY BABY, MY FAMILY AND OUR FUTURE BUT I NEVER FELT THIS WAY AT ALL TOWARDS MY FIRST PREGNANCY .. WHY DO I HAVE MIXED FEELING ABOUT THIS PREGNANCY NOW? AND WILL IT GO AWAY EVENTUALLY? I FEEL SO BAD FOR FEELING THIS WAY.

 

sleeplessinseattle - June 17

Hi shesdymed. Is this pregnancy by the same father as the first? How you feel about the dad could have an effect on how you feel about this pregnancy. Also, you may feel that you've let your family down and you might have a little shame from that. That shame can easily turn into resentment or anger toward the child. If these are feelings you have then it's quite understandable that you wouldn't feel exactly excited about the whole ordeal. Hopefully once you sort your feelings out---the anxiety and stress of telling your family, among other things--you'll be in a position to focus on loving your child. If you are planning to have this child I pray that love eventually fills your heart for it.

 

BriannasMummy - June 17

Hey, I think your emotions are pretty normal. I believe that perhaps youre feelings of "not loving" your baby is probably the stress that youre going through. Knowing that youre going to have to go through the same thing that you went through before (which im sure was crazy difficult) ,that in itself is enough to make you be confused, or angry, or anything else. Im crossing my fingers that everything goes well with you and youre situation. Keep your chin up, even though soo many thoughts and emotions are swimming through your head. Good Luck!

 

soimpatient - June 17

I know that abortion is a very touchy subject on these boards (especially for people like me who are suffering through infertility) Anyway, I have to say that I am happy that you are not going to consider an abortion and that you are going to go through this pregnancy. As for your negative feelings for your baby...you may grow to love your baby as you feel its kicks, learn it's gender, think of names etc. It you don't feel attached to your baby maybe you should consider giving it up for adoption. After this pregnancy: PLEASE USE BIRTH CONTROL the next time you have s_x if you are not trying to conceive.

 

shesdymed - June 17

well to answer questions, it is the same father of the first baby && i know hes happy and excited but he also understands how i feel in every way. i was on birth control pills but idk what happened, maybe i had s_x too early on the birth control because i just read all the instructions and it said that the pills wont work for the whole beginning of the month. anyway, i have a problem where i hide all my feelings inside until i b__w up and cant take it nemore. so last night i was with my boyfriend and let him know my situation and cried my heart out to him and his aunt. after i let myself go i felt a little better and a little more at ease. BUT WHATS GETTING TO ME NOW IS, HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TILL I HAVE ANOTHER BREAK DOWN OR UNTIL I FEEL LIKE I WONT LOVE MY CHILD AGAIN? im not sure what to do nemore. I guess eventually i will love my child maybe it just takes time for other people. i was just in shock to know that i wasnt expecting to get a positive hpt .. so it gave me a shock .. thanx everyone for ur advice .. it helps a lot!!

 

dedaa - June 17

hello there I had my first baby when I was 17 and it was scary and I felt alot the same way as you do now. when the baby was kicking it was big awakener and the u/s was also big. But the thing that got to me the most was when I was in labor I looked in the little ba__sinet and see n evrything that they had waiting for my babyb and it was an amazig feeling knowing that I was going to be a mother and now I am pregnant with my third and I am 23 and lovin every minute of it. Good Luck to you it will come.

 

NURSEJ - June 20

well shedyme i too had an abortion at 16 y/o i am now 24 y/o and pregnant again about 9 weeks. but i talked w/ family planning after my abortion and had some brief counseling. i had decided to go on the pill after my abortion b/c i did not want to get pregnant again until i was ready.. i wish u the best only u know whats right 4 u and ur baby.

 

sarahbaby11 - June 24

you seem to be against an abortion this time which is understandable. many women cannot go through that once...the emotional issues. but you seem to have felt that it was right. if you are unhappy about the pregnancy and either feel you do not want the baby or your family will not support you. you will need the support being 16. maybe consider adoption. there are many places that will let you have input in the family that adopts and also in how much you stilll want to be in the childs life. my husbands younger sister got pregnant at 17 and had the baby and put it up for adoption. she is 21 now and doesn't regret the decision at all the adoptive parents send her pictures and updates on the childs life and interests. my husband also had a cousin who had a baby at 15 and she kept the baby becuase all his family was willing to help and she still feels overwhelmed and she is now 27. she has finally found a boyfriend who accepts her son. so think of your options and what is best in the long run for you and the baby...only you know inside what is right for you. so take everyone who is telling you what you have to do as a grain of salt and do what is in your heart.

 

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