Abused

27 Replies
unknown - September 19

Hi im 16 weeks pregnant and am verry happy, i love my husband and hes happy about the baby too. We tried to get me pregnant. Im 18 years old and he is 25. Lately things have gotten a little rocky. He has slaped me, pushed me, thrown things at me but nothing to serious in the past. he has a serios anger proublem, but only with me that ive noticed although i know he had togo to anger management before so i think its something he has had way before being with me. He use to be a real bad drug atic. i didnt know until about 4 or 5 months in our relationship. i helped him get off drugs. hes been drug free for about a year now. im so proud but the other day we had a cook out because we got a new house. He drank alot. that night he got drunk so i took his keys, he wanted hes keys and i wouldnt give them to him, he started beating me in my head he kneed me in my head. it got pretty bad and no one would help me. i finally gave hoim the keys and i left, he apoligized the next day but it didnt seem like he really meant it after a while. i love him and i know he loves me but why does he do this i dont understand. I WANT PUT MY BABY IN THIS TYPE OF DANGER. I dont have any where to go no job he suports me, i stay home. i really dont want to leave him but if he cant change for our child i will. Please dont anyone down me i just need advise and to vent. thanks for listening. God bless

 

leave - September 19

Sweetie you need to leave. Trust me he will not change. Even if he says he will. If he does that to you imagine what he would do to your child. Please dont put yourself or your child through that.

 

randi - September 19

thankn you. i dont want my baby to go through that either i belive your right about he wont change. its just so hard to leave him because i love him but my child comes first no matter what

 

! - September 19

I think you should leave him. Tell him he must get help or he won't be trusted with your child. Who knows if he does get help things may turn out ok. Good luck to you honey. I think you'll be a great mom!

 

Cathy - September 19

I lost my first pg because the abusive man I was with hit me in the stomach which caused a mc. I know that it is hard to get out of that kind of relationship. I stayed with the man for 5 years. I was 17 when we started dating. He was a control freak I wasn't allowed to leave the house with makeup on or even wear shorts. It started out not so bad, but it just grew and grew and I thought I could change him, but you cannot. I know what you are feeling, but let me tell you , you can do it. You can leave. My man at the time had lowered my self esteem with put down and beatings, he even raped me. I was so low that I didn't think I could leave. I am still sad about the loss of that child and angry at him but I think it was God's way of letting me have a clean break from h im? Do you have family around? Friends? If you are like I was you have probably lost most of your friends and family because of him. There should be shelters in your area for abused woman. Call them when he is not around and make arrangements to leave. DO NOT LEAVE WHILE HE IS HOME! DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU PLAN TO LEAVE! It is a very dangerous situation. I know that you may think it is not that dangerous right now, I believed that too. Even after he put a gun to my head and beat me until I was bloody, be cause he apoligized later I believed him that it would never happen again. And it didn't until the next time. I have been away from him for 10 years now and am happier, more fullfilled and a much stronger woman because of it. Please don't put your child in danger, please find a place to go, a friend a shelter somewehre. If you do call the police or if a neighbor calls the police because of the violence, do not let him intimate you into not filing charges. Please file them. You can always find a job, a place to live, another way of support for you. But you only have ONE LIFE and so does your unborn child. If you need to talk you can email me at [email protected] Good luck God Bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

randi - September 19

thank you all so verry much. cathy i gream up in a abusive home and i guess i forgot how much worse the abuser gets, thank you for reminding me. ive never had anybody but my grandparent although they love me they dont want me to live with them any more because their ready to live their life. im to ashamed to tell them he has hit me i also dont want them to hate him. i just dont understand whhy he does these things. i want put my baby to be hurt and i dont want to lose my child because of selfishness. im sorry about your loss and it wasnt your fault. if he wasnt punished then God will be sure of doing so. your story has me in tears but the best part is you decided to do something and not morne your whole life and look at it as it was a reason for a new start. thank you all and God bless

 

Michelle - September 19

You really need to leave him. You and your baby do not need to be treated like that. Please find someone to help you out of that mess. Please be careful!!

 

Stef - September 19

I really don't think leaving is the answer. You love him and I am sure that he loves you and the baby. I think that you need to go to a domestic abuse center and talk to a professional there. They will help you make the right choice. I would rather see him get into counceling and still have a relationship with you and his child than you to just leave him and things get horrible between the two of you. If you love him you need to help him. Counceling doesn't always work but it doesn't hurt to try. I know that it is hard and I was once in a very abusive relationship myself. I pray that you guys are able to move past this and he can get some help. God Bless!

 

v - September 19

The best thing you can do for you and your baby is to leave him. If he has gone to the extent of beating you in the head....imagine what he may do next time. And imagine what he may do to the baby when he gets angry. Your in a terrible situation sweetie and I really feel for you! As much as you love him, though, you must put your life and your baby's life first! Be strong! You can do it! Cathy, is right, too. If and when you plan on leaving, DON"T let him know and have supportive friends or family with you when you leave. That way, if he comes home while you are leaving, you will not be alone. If worse comes to worse, get a court order to keep him away from you and the baby. Your lives are at risk here! My prayers are with you!

 

randi - September 19

i do love him and i want us to work but hes been to cancelling and it didnt work. i cant afford any cancelers although i wish i could, hesill today because his tire has a flat he cant find a plug and thats my fault. he woke up ill. i had to borrow $650 to fix the apartment we lived in because of holes in the wall and stuff hes made he had to add $80 today to it. i just dont know any more am i doing something wrong? Today he told me he wont by any more grocerys for the house. i asked what about me and the baby he said he doesnt care although i think he does. i wish he would change for i child, it seems to always come out as my fault.

 

Cathy - September 19

Stef, It sounds if you have a good heart, and counseling is a good idea but AFTER she is out of the house. My b/f at the time had been in rage counseling and he would come home and beat me more because I was the cause of him having to be there. Counseling as you said doesn't always work, but it can if he is willing to help himself and admit that he has a problem. You said that you had been in an abusive relationship so why would you counsil her to stay? I am not judging you just trying to understand where you are coming from. Believe me, it only gets worse, I did think that what he was doing to me was minor....he loved me, he said so everyday...he hit me because he loved me so much. He was so scared of losing me that he had to keep me locked up away from other people. Abusive men are men that are very insecure on the inside even though they seem tough on the outside. Randi, if this helps...... I moved across country with this man to a new state and a new town where I knew absolutly no one because he thought it would be a new start for us. I believed him and went willingly but after a few weeks maybe a few months I cannot remember, it all started again. I did leave him, I had no friends no family or anyone I could talk to about this, but I did get up the courage and leave. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, and let me tell you it took a very long time for me to get over my love for him. I moved back to my ho me town and we did speak via the phone several times a week. He actually called me last year and we had a nice conversation and he apologized for everything he did to me. I forgave him, but he is still 1200 miles away from me and it will remain that way. He does come to town once in a while and when I find he is here I get real scared, but I don't hide anymore. I don't speak to him. I have a wonderful sweet loving husband now who would NEVER lay a hand on me. My breaking point was that one day b/f and I were arguing and I said FU to him and started running and hiding under tables in closets. I did not want to live my life that way and I got out. I pray that you will be safe. God Bless

 

Tiffany - September 19

He sounds like a jerk. Like i and all the others said LEAVE. He will not change. You do not need all the stress and abuse. Think of that baby.

 

Cathy - September 19

Oh Randi, it seems he is trying to control you already. My when I was pg with that mans child he wouldn't let me eat. Told me I was fat everyday (I was 5'5 and weighed 98lb). I was the only one that worked and owned a car, but he still took all the money and would not let me buy groceries. He would spend it on anything else he wanted. After teh mc I stayed with him and we were both smokers at the time and he would not give me a cig, I had to give him s_xual favors for cigs. It was low, humiliating point for me, but it was his way of controlling me and making me feel bad about myself that and telling me that all of our friends hated me, thought I was fat, ugly, stupid and no one would ever want me. I believed it and my self esteem was so so low that I couldn't leave. I know now he was afraid of losing me! I am not fat, not ugly, not stupid or weak. I am very strong and you can be too!

 

randi - September 19

the more i read what you write the more its sounds like him but not as worse. im gonna try to find me a job. my job went out of buisness and that way i have a place to go. i dont want to raise my baby in the streets, ya know what the weird thing is he doesnt concider what he has done hitting me. i just got rid of a bruise from him. i got away that night but for some stupid reason i came back. only if i didnt maybe i would have kept the courage to stay away. i remember when it started happening he would cry and apoligize he doesnt even do that any more. maybe me leaving will encourage him to get some type of help. The one thing that made me leave that night was i was baby sitting his sisters twins who are about a year. he came in that room because i went in to check on them and started trowing dresser drowers looking for keys. he wasnt even worried about those children why would he ours? he proubly wouldnt although that night he was drunk but still no exscuse.

 

Cathy - September 19

**DISCLAIMER** I know my story is long, I know that I am making myself sound pathetic for the things I did and put up with, but I am willing to share every sordid embarrasing detail of my life if I can help just one person. Please don't judge me by what I have done in my past those are not the proudest moments of my life but if I have to relive them to help others I will. The proudest day of my life was walking out that door and never turning back. I truly believe that I would not be here today if I hadn't gained the strength to walk away...

 

Stef - September 19

That is what I meant was to seek help from a domestic abuse center. They don't tell you what to do but they will help. They will usually pay for the counciling and find a safe place for you to go. You can give them a call and see what they have to say. Maybe you leaving will give him the will to change. I am just saying don't completely give up on him. Of course I want you and your baby to be safe but I also see that he needs help. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

randi - September 19

cathy, i dont see how anyone can judge you. i dont even know you but i know how hard to leave and you did it im proud and you inspire me. thanks for your story, its verry incouraging and it helps to hear someone who has been their and to hear 10 years later their happy and well off. I give you praise for that.

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?