Filing For Custody

19 Replies
Stephanie - March 23

I am 11 wks today but my Q is for my 2 older children. They are 10 and 12 and their dad has never been in the picture. He lives in Missouri and calls maybe 10 times a year. Anyways I've finally after 7 years taken him to the D.A. for support. So he shows up at our doorstep last Saturday. SURPRISE.... I THINK NOT. I did let him visit with the kids since he has been sober for about a year now. Long story short he wants them for summer times out in Missouri!!! He has not filed and he went back home. Should I file or should I wait and see what he does? I mean I don't want to file and then they grant him "reasonable visitations." Any suggestions?? Anything would help!!

 

Heidi - March 23

What state are you in? Most judges will not allow a parent that hasn't been there in years, to take a child out of state for the whole summer. They may give him two weeks but not a summer. And if you think the kids will be uncomfortable with it, tell your lawyer. But if the kids barely know him, they will probably only allow him in state visitation. I wouldn't sweat over it too much.

 

Penny - March 23

Stephanie, I replied in the other one as well, but this one has more information. I would still file everything, and if you run into a problem I would get a good lawyer (you can see if you can get him charged with the fee's but some lawyers don't like to do that). If he hasn't seen them for sometime, then most likely he wont want them for the entire summer, nor would the kids want to go for the whole summer. make a deal with him, and try a week or two at first. As you know my kids were just in Oregon and Washington and were gone for 2 weeks, and the 3rd week I picked them up, and they were VERY home sick. (as much as they would NEVER admit that they would be, until after the fact). There's no way in hell I would let the kids go for the entire summer. I have my Ex paying childsupport and even had it raised two years ago (and you can bet that p__sed him off!!!) especially when HE CHOOSES not to see the kids. File the paper work anyway, don't wait!! You deserve to recieve something from him, and then talk to him about the visitations rights, the entire summer is NOT reasonable when he hasn't seen or spent anytime with them!!! Keep me posted!!!

 

Stephanie - March 23

Thanks Heidi and I live in So. California. (L.A. County).

 

Stephanie - March 23

Penny I am so scared though b/c I don't want him to have them period. Not for a minute. He has never taken care of them except 1 time when my son was 9 or 10 I let him take Brandon and 10 months later I had Brandon come back home because he witnessed him using drugs "(speed and pot)" I had him draw me pictures of it. I am so angry and refuse to let them go out of state. I don't think the judge would see it as reasonable but in the future I'm scared. What if I keep the kids in Summer school and lots of sports? Can I make him take drug cla__ses or parenting cla__ses?? Can he just step up over night and get these things??

 

Stephanie - March 23

Heidi I liked that you told me that he will probably only allow in state visitation that would be great but on my conditions!! My kids have not ever been to that state and when my son lived with him he lived 25 minutes away. Their Dad only moved Aug. of last year.

 

penny - March 23

No matter what, it he wants to see them on his terms he'll need to take you to court to do so. My best guess is, that he will work with you on your terms. I don't blame you at all for feeling the way you do, I know my ex is a user or has been, and I wouldn't trust him either!!! In the end..........these kind of guys wouldn't or can't afford to take us to court to fight for something like this. You have the power to say what you want unless a judge forces you to do something else. This isn't something that can be done over night, it takes months and money to do it. Don't stress really, it's not good for you!!! Be honest and talk to the kids and see what they think, but I wouldn't let them out of the state either! I think that the judge in the end would order some sort of cla__s or limitations on the visitations anyway.....don't worry, it's not something that can be done anytime soon!! Keep us posted!!

 

Stephanie - March 23

I know but I can't help but worry about my babies!! I would'nt know what to do w/o them and I won't! Why should I but you jknow what really scared me is when he told me "yeah lets go to court, what do you say about X-mas and vacations Yeah what do you think about that huh ewww how bout X-mas day"

 

penny - March 23

yep my ex did that too.......but in the end his lawyers fired him. He was being unreasonable, and they couldnt do what he wanted. Have faith that everything will be okay. You kids are old enough to say what they want and I'm sure any judge would hear them out as well. In the end I know you'll be okay........by the way my ex lives in Ohio, it must be a midwest thing!! :) Oh and my youngest is a Brandon as well :)

 

Stephanie - March 23

COOL ;o) that is the best news I am very happy to hear all of this. I'm already researching the paperwork and everything else also doc_menting everything Your advise has been great and has also taken alot of stress off my shoulders. Thats funny that the lawyers fired him I did'nt know they could do that HAHA I hope they kick my X's ASS (Smile). Since we have court in May I am going to file the end of April to make it harder on him. That means he will have to take off work, and collect money to come out here too. HAHA to him!!!

 

nix - March 23

is he paying you child support? It seems like your rather set against letting him see the kids (and i can see why), so if he's not paying child support, you can try to revoke his custody rights completely. If he has a history of exposing your kids to drugs, child welfares services shouldn't have too many problems with that. It is something to look into. I hope everything goes well, and remember, if your not comfortable with your kids seeing him, don't let them!

 

Stephanie - March 23

Thank You Nix and he never paid child support until last year. To date we have been apart for 7 years and he has paid $700.00 only. We had agreed on $400 monthly but now he showed up b/c he says that is too much. I told him that is nothing and that I could probably get that per kid. I know my friend receives $1300 a month for 1 kid!

 

Stephanie - March 23

Ohhh.... and yes my son was exposed to drugs a couple of years ago when I agreed to let him live w/ Daddy! But I just moved him back home w/ me and it is not doc_mented. Will that be a problem??

 

Nix - March 23

well you said you had your son draw pictures for you? If you still have them, it can help your case, but not having it doc_mented means you'll have to find better legal grounds. Talking to a lawyer wouldn't hurt, alot of them will do free consultations, so you can ask about it, and if they feel you have a chance, then you can hire them.

 

Steph - March 23

Thanx Again and no I did'nt save them :o( I didnt save them b/c I was afraid that if someone got ahold of them it would look bad b/c I did'nt report it. I was afraid if I reported it it would look bad for me b/c I knew that he was using in the past. See when my son went to live w/ him he had been clean for just about 2 months. Sometime during the 10 months he started using again. I was working 88 hour weeks and was unable to monitor Davids (dads) behavior. So I got Brandon back and worked 40 hr. weeks. Quit my other job. I am going to my local court in Pomona and they have help there so I will take advantage of it. Also I'm planning to use their library of law. Thank You again and how do you feel??

 

penny - March 24

Hey Steph, I only have a sec, but wanted to give you some information I was told when going through my divorce. Even if Doesnt pay CS, he still by law has the right to see the kids. What you need to do is come up with proof that he uses/or did use drugs and your concern around that. I'll write more later. Don't worry I'm sure everything will work out okay!! How are you feeling, I know that this is put a lot of stress on you, so take it easy K??????

 

penny - March 24

Hey Steph, I'm back- but wanted to tell you that $400 for 2 kids was 7 years ago okay. That's exactly how much my Ex agreed to pay, because he refused to pay the court ordered amount of $675 from our divorce. He worked under the table and was able to get away with it. When I told you that I modified it a year ago, well.....I thought for sure he was making more than I, but he wasn't..........even so....he was ordered to pay $775, $100 or so is for the back CS he owes me. I don't know how much your ex makes a year, but mine around then was making 39k or so, not much but for Ohio I don't think that's too bad. Ever since I modified I havent hear a word from him. C___p.......he can't even afford to come see them now!!! But do I care?? I'ts not my problem it's his!! You should focus on getting CS from him, even if he works under the table or doesnt' work, it will catch up to him someday. Oh.......I also get his taxes because he owes back CS...but of course that's only when he miscaculates his returns and ends up getting something back. (he's learned to claim more, so I don't get the money). Whats the court date that's coming up for? child support?

 

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