Husband MUST Be Bi Polar Verbally Abusive

33 Replies
Can't stop crying --L - April 6

I am 9 weeks pregnant and just married in November and moved far away from my family and friends to be with my husband. When my husband gets mad he has taken to cursing my abilities as a woman and the outcome of the pregnancy. (we have had 2 miscarriages in the last year) He wants a baby more than anything so its not that, he just gets so angry at what seem to me to be small things. I am afraid of how my reaction (crying) is affecting my pregnancy. Sometimes I want to move back home so bad, but other times I feel like we have been together for 4 years and there must be something we should try before giving up. Any ideas, suggestions, or comments.

 

penny - April 6

I know that feeling, with my first husband I lived in Ohio (where his family was) and mine were in Oregon, it was so hard, and I could never do anything right and crying all of the time. He needs be sensitive to what your going through right now, maybe you need a vacation away from him, go back and see your family!! Don't give up, communicate to him what's going on with you!! but no one should have to go through the verbal abuse!!

 

D - April 6

Have you been able to talk to him about this? If so, does he recognize he could use some help? If you feel like you are in physical danger, I think you should go back home immediately. It doesn't mean you can't talk to him - especially if he gets help - but you shouldn't risk your health and baby in the meantime. Sometimes I think a separation can be healthy, and it might give him an opportunity to do some self evaluation. I wish you well...

 

jena - April 6

verbal abuse is horrible for you and will be horrible for the baby to be around. i agree - take a vacation to see your family and see if he misses you and treats you better when you get back, at least for a while. i know it is scary to bring things up to him, but communication is key. GL!!!

 

help - April 6

Seek counciling. It sounds to me like he is emotionally abusive....not a good thing. No one should ever curse at you for anything! My thoughts are with you..I had a husband like that. We got divorced at 3 years and it was the best thing that ever happened in my life. It didn't seem like it at the time, but since then I have found the most wonderful husband and my life is filled with happiness.

 

L - April 6

Thanks for your responses. He does not believe that he is doing anything wrong. In his eyes I am the one that doesn't know how to communicate effectively with him. I don't fear him being physical at all, that's not him. I do want to go home, but since I just moved here I have a new job that I can't take off from. Besides, he is the kind that believes in Don Coleone (sp) from the Godfather movies phrase "keep it in the family" So he doesn't think I should go telling my family and friends our problems. Even as I write I am amazed at how possesive he sounds. I have just always respected his views and opinions so much. It is worse to tick him off. I have tried to communicate, but although he agrees what he says he probably shouldn't say, it is more important that I didn't do or say something the way he would have preffered me to in the first place. I haven't told my family that I am pregnant yet either, due to the miscarriages in the past I don't want to get them excited or concerned.

 

L - April 6

Help, do you suggest I get counceling alone or couples counciling?

 

penny - April 6

"L"~ Seriously you need to re-read what you wrote, that does NOT sound like a healthy relationship at ALL!! He sounds like my ex, and wanted me to keep it within the walls, I was his family now..........HELL.......your family will always be there for you no matter what!! Try writing him a letter, even though my current BF and I have really good communication I LOVE getting letters from him, and like wise from me.....it just validates some things that may not be said every day. You may be able to communicate better that way.....???? Re-Read what you just wrote and look at the negatives and go from there.......

 

L - April 6

Aargh! This sucks! I have never been "that woman". I have always been so strong and independent I can't believe I am here and dealing with this. This just can't be happening, I thought I had picked the perfect one to marry. I am 31, I have been bamboozled by a boy! Damn. : ( This is what depresses me more than the him. (now I am just venting) thanks again for the honesty.

 

Trisha - April 6

L___ I am in the same kind of relationship, I feel like I am walking on gla__s all the time , I have to make sure what I say will not tick him off cuz when it does there is no going back, He has not ever hit me ...but the things he says he can just never take back, Sometimes I think I would rather be hit then hear some of those things at least scars heal, MY HEART wont.....Just the other weekend he got mad and was screaming at me and I walked away cuz my tummy started cramping I was 10 weeks then....and he said losing baby would be just what i should get and he hopes i do....I know he dont mean it he just gets mad and cant stop once he starts. I know its hard to get out of and for me I dont even know if I love him anymore ..So I know what your going through I am here if you want to talk.

 

Lisa - April 6

Trisha, As bad as it sounds, I am so glad to hear of someone else dealing with it now. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you guys been together? The comments he makes sound Exactly like what I hear. He just starts and keeps going trying to hurt you as bad as he can with words. It's just wierd because he will help me with all the cooking and cleaning and cater to me and then I will say something the wrong way and he just looses it. And since he has been so wonderful the other days he thinks he is almost ent_tled to be an a__s to me.

 

Help - April 6

I would hope couples, but if he won't go you definitely need to go - just to get a handle on the situation and what your needs are. People don't realize how damaging emotional and verbal abuse are. My first husband constantly told me I was fat ( I am 5'6" and weigh around 130) it has taken me years to get over this and to this day I still worry about my weight and whether or not my current husband will love me less if I get heavier. Please, please, seek help. This is a teririble situation to bring a child into. Imagine if he were to treat your baby this way.

 

Help - April 6

To all the girls in this situation: It so saddens my heart that there are so many of you out there in this situation. I urge you all to seek help. These are not healthy situations and NO ONE deserves to be treated this way.

 

lisa - April 6

Help, you can understand then that I fell for him because he loves my body (5'9" 160lbs) I had been called thunder thighs and lard a__s all my life and this was refreshing. And, we do have a child in this already. The way he acts towards him is a whole other story. (I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship) again, he is great with him most of the time, but with him if he gets upset he tells him he will go play with all the other kids in the neighborhood and not speak to him at all. I know I just opened up a whole other can of worms here. I know what I need to do, I just hate to give up without trying something. We got here by some sort of love and understanding. My eyes weren't closed the entire time. I knew I had 2 choices when I started this thread. Counceling now or I move back to Stl.

 

ML - April 6

L- my relationship sounds eerily familiar....every day i do something wrong, something that makes him mad, and i have always been a strong take no c___p gal, and no i find myself apologising for stuff i know isn't wrong, just to keep the peace. i have never been a fighter, but he tthinks its totally fine to name call and put down just to prove a point, i feel like i always have tipeetoe around.........

 

Trisha - April 6

We have been for almost 4 years, And he is the same way when it is good its GREAT, but when he gets mad he dont stop until i am balling, I dont understand it and he has not always been this way, when we met I thought I was so lucky to find someone like him, Now Im just not so sure

 

Trisha - April 6

ML, I am also saying IM SORRY for things I know is not my fault, and trying to keep everyone from p__sing him off so it dont get him started ya know his mom says that his father was the same way maybe its just how he was raised hell I dont know.....but maybe thats just me makin excuses for him when he dont deserve any...L Im still here if ya want to talk

 

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