I Feel So Selfish

13 Replies
Kylee - March 29

I just found out that i am pregnant. Don't get me wrong. I was trying and i am excited and happy but now i keep thinking about myself. Like how much weight i will gain and if i will ever look the same. I will no longer be able to do what i want and that i will hold some one else's life in my hands and i am so scared. This is obviously my first. Is it normal to have these type of feelings? I feel so guilty and selfish.

 

Ellie - March 29

I worry about weight gain too, but I promised myself that I'll lose any excess weight after birth. What makes you think you will NEVER be able to do what you want? It's true you can't really go to bars while you're pg coz of people smoking, alcohol, etc but you can go do whatever it is you do after you give birth. I'm over the moon that I'm pg, I don't worry about what I can or cannot do, right now, I'm as happy to give up those things as I am pregnant. I'm 24 and this is my 1st, and fell pg the 1st month we ttc. I'm still over the moon and I can't wait to hold my baby.

 

Mary - March 29

Don't worry - you could lose it in the first 12 weeks like 25% of women do and then you won't have to worry about it.

 

Tatyana - March 29

Hey kylee, congrats on the pg. Don't worry, i lost my preg fat a week after i gave birth, i have 2 kids and my stomach is a flatter than ever ( but i wasn't showing much though ). Don't worry about it !

 

Heidi - March 29

How old are you? I think the younger you are the harder it may be as you might think you didn't get to do everything you wanted but I tell you what, it doesn't change as you get older. I'm 30 and I feel the way you to at times but then I realize that I'm 30, if I haven't already done it, I never will. And at my age we just spend most of our weekends on the couch anyway!!!!

 

D - March 29

Heidi - you are so right! I'm "missing" what I think I'll miss by having actual responsibility - but reality is, every day I go home, sleep, sit on the couch, walk the dogs, and thats about it! The only one that will be drastically affected is sleep! (Now I feel like I don't have a life....) For me, I think the fears got stronger as I have gotten older. I sometimes think it is better to have the kids younger, before you figure out what you think you'd be missing! Ah well. I'm 30 too, and while I know lots of people who have kids later in life, for me it was now or never!

 

Kim E - March 29

Kylee, it all in what you make of it. I am 30 and this is my first. The timing was right for us because we had done so much. But there is still so much to do after you have a baby. I live on a street where everyone has little kids and we all get together all of the time and have a blast. On weekends, especially in the summer, we'll get together and put the kids down when it's bedtime and all of us adults will hang out all night long. It's normal to be scared but don't think that you won't ever be able to do what you want to do, you'll just have to do it a little differently. As for weight gain, eat as healthy as you can now and the weight will come off more easily after. It's an emotional time and it's normal to be scared right now.

 

Kylee - March 30

I am 21. I am really small. 5'5"100lbs. So i guess i am kinda scared about the whole weight thing b/c i am used to being small. Thanks for all of your responses. The more I talk with others the better I feel.

 

L - March 30

You could stand to gain a few pounds anyway. Don't worry about the weight thing, if you've never had a problem with you weight, you won't now. When I was your age, I was 5'6" and 105 lbs. And I was definitely TOO skinny. You #1 concern should be eating for a healthy baby & healthy weight gain. Worry about losing if AFTER you have a healthy baby. and YES, certain things about your body will forever be changed because of pregnancy...heck, you LIFE will be forever changed after pregnancy! Get over it.

 

Heidi - March 30

D - You sound like me! Ha ha! That's about all I do too. Go to work, come home, play with my dog, clean and sit on the couch the rest of the night! I'm scared more about the sleep than anything!!!! I don't function on less than 10 hours a day. Ha ha! We're at the age too where it's like, gee, some of the stuff we do would be fun to have a kid with. My boyfriend has two step kids but they live across the US and the older one comes a couple weeks in the summer and I just loved having her around. She was 6. We went camping and did family things and it really sunk in with me. I loved it. I came from a large family where we did the same thing and I always thought it would be fun. She went everywhere with us and I never got annoyed or felt like we needed time away. I've had 30 years all to myself and I don't think one kid will ruin anything. I don't plan on having anymore either! One is just right for us. My friends tell me with one, it's so easy to do what you normally would do. With two, it gets challenging. I'm not a big baby fan. I like the 3 and up age but I'll get through it I'm sure and my boyfriend is a big baby person so he'll probably teach me a lot as he's been there and done that. So try to think of the fun stuff you'll get to do WITH your child. The fairs, the movies, the camping, the trip across country to wally world. Ha ha!

 

D - March 30

Heidi - my 6 year old nephew just moved to the town were we live, and its been fun having him around. He's awfully energetic and all... but a good kid. I don't know if I'll go through this again for another child! I told my husband the other day he'd better be happy with this one, because there's no guarentees on another! He just laughs and says most people end up having another one. I think that how much you do, or how much you don't do with a child is largely up to you. Some people let them tie the family down completely for years... others just drag them along everywhere! I'll have to see what I think in a year!

 

Heidi - March 30

D - I told my fiance he's getting fixed BEFORE I'm due so we don't have to worry, as this one was an accident, but that's okay. I said if it wasn't an accident, I don't think I would have ever gotten pg cus I just didn't want to have a baby, but yet in some ways I did. Mother Nature made my mind up for me so I take it as a sign that my time has come and I'm not super religious or anything but I believe God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. One will be plenty for me as we have tons of nieces and nephews in our huge family and my younger brother and his wife plan on trying soon too so I'm hoping they do and our kids will be the new batch to the growing family!

 

Misty - March 30

I'm kind of like you Heidi. I'm not much of a baby person. It makes me feel a little bad but that is just me. I can't wait for him to get older so I can take him to water parks and Disney. Now I have another one on the way so I have to wait even longer. Argh. :-) Gonna love them both to death though.

 

Heidi - March 30

Misty - I think the only real reason I never had kids is I just didn't know if I could deal with the baby part. Ha ha! My friends all say that's the best but I'm more into three year olds and up when they can walk and kind of have a mind of their own and are more independant. Everyone told me it'll go fast so I'm sure I'll cope with it. Ha ha! I may change my mind too when the baby comes! I feel guilty too about it but I believe not everyone has maternal instincts. Like I really don't think about the baby inside of me. I don't freak out about it or worry about it. I heard the heartbeat and that was neat but still not reality to me yet. Maybe when it starts kicking it'll sink in. We've just got so much going on that I don't think about it and now that my morning sickness is gone, I keep forgetting I'm pregnant!!!!!

 

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