Personal But Need Some Advice

21 Replies
tk07 - February 25

h__lo, i have been having a problem with dh lately. it is my problem, i do not want to have any s_xual contact ever! i always feel so bloated and tired and just like i don't want to be bothered. i feel bad about it. he is getting really frustrated because we do "some things" but not very often. how can i get him to understand? it won't be like this the whole pregnancy right? i thought that it was mostly like this is the first tri. i tell him this and he still gets upset as most men would! we just got into a fight about it and i am mad at him but feel bad at the same time. any advice???


kerryv - February 25

first off- if he gets mad at you tell him to go to hell that is ridiculous. the way you are feeling is completely normal. as for how long it lasts all depends on each person and each pregnancy. i know some women that get more of a s_x charge during pregnancy but others (most) dont have any desire to. we are too tired, not in the mood b/c there are a thousand other things on our minds and various other reasons. dont let you dh get mad, and dont write it off like most men would feel that way- b/c that is not true. he should understand that right now you just dont want to and leave it at that, just talk to him about how you feel and hopefully you will be more in the mood later on but there is a good chance you wont be.


tk07 - February 25

thanks, he said i have been really distant and cold. and i know i have been distant but all i want to do after work is eat dinner and lay on the couch and not be bothered. i am glad i am not crazy to be mad at him for acting like that! we have an issue too because he thinks i worry too much of something happening even though everything is going fine and i bring it up everyday (i had a m/c last yr) and he said he can't get excited because i am a downer about it. i am excited too i just am so scared. i think he has a really hard time understanding. maybe i should get him a pregnant dad book! so maybe he can understand a little better. i just don't know what to say to make him understand how i feel right now.


DownbutnotOUT - February 25

This is my 5th pregnancy, lost one in May 2006, and my hubby has NEVER demanded s_x from me or ever got mad at me for not being in the mood. If he gets mad at you you take him to task that's BS and uncalled for it's not your fault your hormones are out of wack. Don't feel bad at all it's normal and sometimes it does get better but as Kerryv says sometimes you lose your s_x drive for the entire pregnancy. Me and DH are having alot of trouble with this pregnancy with me feeling intimate but I make sure he gets some attention at least twice a week. Maybe talk to your dr about the problem and see what he/she can do, if anything.


tk07 - February 25

i wish he had someone to talk to that has been through it to tell him what a pregnant woman is like. twice a week is nice of you! i am more like once a week and it isn't actual intercourse. i just know that if i try and say you are being ridiculous and i can't do too much about my hormones that he will get more mad and take it as an excuse. but it is really! i don't know he will just have to deal with it.


Cathy2 - February 25

Hey I'm with tk07, there has been no action in my house what so ever since we did the deed that conceived this little baby. But my husband is seriously hero in my eyes right now. He is busting his b___t to do laundry, groceries and all the dog walking! In return, on days when I'm not too nasuous I give him a little attertion if you know what i mean...but that has only been 3 times in 2 months... Maybe you should show your husband some of these postings, so her realizes what you are feeling is not unusual and that he needs to rise to the occasion as you a "bloody walking miricle right now!" (as my best friend put it : )


DUESEPTEMBER28TH - February 25

hi, i don't have that problem. dh leaves me alone and doesn't beg for s_x. when i am in the mood i do the asking for it. he sometimes helps out like cleaning and i appreciate it even if it's like once a week. the thing he said to me was that he doesn't ask for s_x b/c he believes that our s_x was to rough with my last pregnancy and he swears thats why i lost it. he doesn't want to hurt the baby and i don't want s_x, so it works out.


kristie h - February 25

Hi, reading your post sounds like somthing i would right at this point in time. DH and i had a little tiff the other day about me not paying any attention to him, in his words "wife duties". He also finds it hard to understand that i am just not in the mood but i do try to give him somthing a couple of times aweek even if its a wam bam thank you mam kinda thing cause at the moment i couldnt realy care less. When i was pregnant with my son i couldnt get enough s_x so this one is completley the opposit. I do know one major thing that stoped me from having letting alone wanting s_x is my 2 prevous miscarriages, i dont know how far along your are but now that i have seen a healthy HB of 170 at 10 weeks i am more relaxed of the idea of s_x.


charee - February 25

Hey, wow how funny. I have really been struggling with the same thing but dont talk about it to anyone. My husband has been p__sed at me off and on just because of this for 3 months, and wont really talk to me the past 2 days im sure because of s_x- and the lack there of. It sucks!! Im so glad i am not a man, and dont have to make my wife feel like a piece of s*** because she isnt in the mood or doesnt have enough energy whenever he wants it. Sometimes we will be laying in bed watching tv and he will start playing around, which will p__s me off because i know what he wants, so if we do have s_x, then he wants it again when im getting ready to go to sleep at 2am!! And after having done it 3 hours before, and taking care of my daughter i am flippin wiped out and sore from 3 hours previous. I dont know, at this point i just WISH it could be 2 times a week and him be okay with that and not be all p__sy at me all the time.... we dont even do it that much regularly but it seems something has to happen for him about every day, and if i want a back rub?? I get a little half a__s rub that i cant feel for 2 minutes, so i dont even ask. Sorry for rambling, wow i dont have any advice in this area!!!!!!!!!!!


charee - February 25

Oh yeah, and with my first pregnancy i didnt feel like it at all the first 4 months, although i did it for him... and then in the 2nd and ESPECIALLY the 3rd trimester when i was always in that mood, he REFUSED to do anything with me, im quite sure because HE didnt like the fact that i was big and FAT... men are such selfish pigs sometimes i swear...


aliciavr6 - February 25

tk07 - I haven't wanted to do it at all lately, he whines and i feel bad, but he doesn't fight me about it at all or get mad, and your dh shouldnt either, i mean gosh, you are pregnant. tell him to shutup and go the bathroom and take care of himself. ;)


tk07 - February 25

wow! i am really not alone! kristie, i am a little nervous to have s_x because i had a m/c before and i just want to make sure everything is ok so i don't happen to m/c after and then think that caused it even though i know it really wouldn't. i am almost 10 weeks. the thing that made me mad was the way he reacted today, he got really mad and was sort of mean when i told him no. i know he just doesn't like the rejection but really, i can't change that right now and i don't want to lay there like a lump and he will say it will be a quickie but it never is! i feel bad but at the same time i don't. charee, it sounds to me like you give him a lot! twice in one night would not even be a thought i could comprehend right now! my dh has been almost avoiding me all day and i know that is the reason. i am afraid to show him these posts though! i don't know how he would react to me saying certain things. i hope it changes in the second trimester!!!


tk07 - February 25

that is funny alicia! i did say that the other night! i know i feel like he should understand a little at least and i think he did at first but now he is getting quite frustrated. oh men....


J.J. - February 26

tk07: when you guys are not fighting, you might also want to remind him that emotionally and hormonally, you're on a roller coaster right now, whether it's anger, sadness, moodiness. The other night, we were on the couch and my husband kept leaning over to get the ball for the dog and it was TOTALLY annoying me...the fact that he was moving! I finally said thru clenched teeth, "stop doing that before I kick you off this god-d__n couch." he just looked at me and laughed, b/c he knew why i was acting so wacked out. I later apologized but he said he remembered this phase from last time I cried b/c he was late coming home and i thought he was dead...another time he was singing in the car and I later told him it was so annoying i nearly hit him. Just something for him to keep in mind, in addition to the s_x drive. He should cut you some slack!


tk07 - February 26

thanks JJ! i know, i do get moody sometimes the other night i watched the last episode of the oc (which was my favorite show) and i cried at the end! it wasn't even that sad! then i came upstairs crying and he didn't say anything. then i told him to feel my stomach because it felt like it was starting to harden up a bit and after like 20 seconds i was ok that's enough and he was like wait! and i was like no i am going to bed and then i started crying again!!! he didn't like that very much because he thought i was being mean to him! he needs a buddy who has been through it!!!


Cathy2 - February 26

Hey Ladies, It's really too bad men don't communicate like we do. It's such a stress reliever! But, most men do not talk about their stresses and worries with their buddies and therefore we are left with all of thier feeelings and frustrations to deal with. I try and remember what amazing support my friends are to me and then to remember my husband doesn't have a built in theropy group like I do. : )


kristina1980 - February 26

Wow, I am not alone. We have this "s_x problem" since I got pregnant. I don't have ANY s_x drive whatsoever. My dh wants to have s_x like every morning, and I told him it hurts, and don't feel comfortable. He told me his previous wife was pregnant 3 times, and he never had such a problem. Well I am different. The other day he told me he needs to have s_x at least 3 times a week with or without me. But otherwise our relationship is I guess ok, he gets moody when I reject him, but later in the day he is fine, especially when I cook something yummy. good luck ladies.



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