Relationship On The Rocks And Im Pregnant

6 Replies
sosad229 - February 10

hi guys. im 2 months pregnant right now and im in a rough situation. I have been with my boyfriend or shall i say exboyfriend for 5 years now 4 years living together. we are both fairly young im 23 he is 21 the whole time we were in a relationship we were both unfaithful, lied, and did some stuff to hurt one another pretty badly. deep down inside i do feel i truly love him and i think we both did things to eachother because we were just young and stupid. and well in november i found out he was cheating on me with a girl he was working with because he thought i had been cheating on him, i kicked him out and we both decided to break up. around december i found out i was pregnant we communicated and he told me he was confused and didnt know what he wanted one minute he wanted the baby and the next he didnt. my family advised me to leave him alone and that he is just scared and confused and that he wont know what he wants till he realizes that it actually is happening. so i left him alone the whole month of january he would call off and on but id ignore his calls up until a week ago, he found out through my family that i was still pregnant and that i was going through with the pregnancy the whole time he thought i had an abortion. he came back into my life a week ago and told me that he still loves me and he thinks we should make things work for the sake of the baby. i feel the same way he does, i want him in my life and the babies because i think my baby deserves a family and a father that is with his mother. i really do love him and have even told him that now that im pregnant i have realized whats important in life and that i am making plans to buy a house and i was going to try my best to fix our relationship because i think it is worth saving. i feel like maybe this baby will mature both of us and even if we hurt eachother in the past that this could mean a better happier future for the both of us. He seems so confused though i have been staying at his new place every night and it seems like he is trying to make an effort to make things work. my problem is today he told me he just came back to me because of the baby and that he still does love me but if it werent for the baby he would of gave up on us, he then said but i think we owe it to the baby to at least try to save the relationship. my question is do you guys see any hope for us? should i be mad or see it negatively that he only came back because im pregnant? i have wronged him a lot in the past and i feel that he has to love me to have put up and forgive me for the things i did...but do you think he has had enough? im just confused and u i dont want to have this baby and then him leave me in a month or after the baby is born please help me?

 

SuzieQ - February 10

I may be naive, but I honestly think that if you are BOTH willing to give your relationship a chance, then it is worth trying for. A baby may not be the reason to stay together, but if you both have feelings for one another and want to at least try, then I say go for it. Mind you, I am a hopeless romantic....

 

tab2947 - February 11

No one can answer that question for you, because we don't know what the future holds. I can tell you that you should keep your baby even if things don't work out with you and ur boyfriend. Honey life goes on. There are many unwed and divorced mothers that are raising their child or children alone and doing great. You will meet someone who will love you again and not make the same mistakes he made and you should not repeat urself. I don't feel as though staying together for the kids is a good enough reason to stay together. You will only make it that much harder for u and stressful for ur child to see you fussing or unhappy. It is up to you, but I know I would tell my dh where to get off at if he ever told me he was staying with me because of the kids. You only live one time. You did the right thing by letting him go, now you just have to make up ur mind if you want it to stay that way. He told you how he feels, what reason does he have to be faithful? If yo u chose to stay, just understand that anything could happen and always keep yourself prepared mentally. That does not include cheating. :) Things will workout one way or the other, they always do.

 

Jenn - February 11

I firmly believe that you should never stay together for the sake of children-they end up suffering becuase eventually it will be clear that you all are not happy with each other. Sorry to say, but he said that he'd give up on the relationship if you weren't pregnant-that is a BIG deal!! After the newness of having a baby wears off things will go back to the way they were-I think you guys shouldstay in good communication but I really wouldn't make this baby the glue of your relationship-its not healthy. I would set yourself up so that you don't have to rely on him, so that if you have to do it by yourself-you are fully prepared. Good luck to you.

 

Kim L - February 13

I don't mean to be openly argumentative Jenn, but children suffer without one of their parents too, I can testify first hand. I think if you are committed enough to make a baby together, you owe it to your little one to fight through the really hard times and make it work. Good luck to you sosad, I know you are in a very difficult position.

 

sosad229 - February 13

thanks friends for your input im just fighting for a goodlife for this baby and thanks for putting all this into perspective! i appreciate your words of kindness and encouragment =)

 

Jenn - February 13

Oh, I completely agree-I firmly believe that a child needs both parents-as I too, come from a home with one parent-but as long as the fighting and the differences can be kept from being in front of the child-but that may be hard. I think that it is good to see a healthy relationship between parents and I think that if they are unhappy with each other eventually that will shine through and become apparent to a child. That was my concern...

 

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