When To Tell

9 Replies
Kim - March 3

This is my first pregnancy and my husband and I have not told anyone yet because we want to be sure things are okay first. I am in my 6th week and we were hoping to wait until week 11 or 12 to tell our families and friends. My first u/s is at about 8.5 weeks. If everything is well and we see/hear a heartbeat at this visit, do you think that there is less of a chance of m/c going forward? We want to tell everyone so bad right now but we know the news will spread quickly and we don't want to have to retract any information should something go wrong. Just looking for some advice from others who have been down this road before or are currently on it.... Thanks!

 

J - March 3

I had a m/c a few months back at about 7-8 weeks. I started bleeding at 7 weeks and by 8 weeks the baby died. It stopped growing at about 5 weeks. This time everything is going great. I am 8 weeks and had my second vag. u/s yesterday and the doc says that the baby is just as it should be right now and the heartbeat is great! So I am now starting to tell people. It is so hard to keep a secret especially when you go out with friends and they wonder why your not having a gla__s of wine. Or they wonder why you aren't feeling good.

 

euka - March 3

I guess you have to ask yourself, would you be looking to anyone for support if you did miscarry? We felt the same way, but I know I would need my family to help me through if it happened, so we told parents and siblings... also amazing, how the person you least expect to notice anything will one day say "ARE YOU PREGNANT??? you ARE ARENT YOU???" I never thought it would be such a hard secret to keep at this stage of the game! (vomiting at work seems to tip some people off :) Basically, we're trying to stay out of the rumour mill till 12 weeks.

 

Rachel* - March 3

I told my parents, siblings, and closest friends during my 5th week. It is my first pregnancy too and I was so excited. We told his parents the following week. I am waiting to tell my grandma because I have such a large extended family and once the news spreads it's like a wildfire. So I will tell her in my 12th week (next week). I've really enjoyed talking with my mom and friends at such an early stage. Both of my friends that I told have had babies before so I had questions for them ;) They are so excited for me and it is lots of fun to chat about it.

 

ekay - March 3

My doctor told me that after you actually hear the heartbeat (via doppler), your chance of m/c significantly decreases. Good luck.

 

Heather - March 3

the fact i started showing before i even found out i was pregnant (showing at 7 weeks.. found out at 9 weeks) made it extremely difficult to keep my pregnancy a secret.. im now 13 weeks and have people saying i look at least 16 weeks..

 

Kim - March 3

Thank you all for sharing. I agree with everything that you said and I would like to tell my family because I would turn to them if I were to miscarry. I guess that we are just being overcautious right now because my brother's wife had several m/c's over the past couple of years before she had a baby last year. Also, my mother-in-law will tell everyone that she's ever met as soon as she knows, even if we ask her not to. Anyway, my first u/s is on 03/25 and if all goes well, that'll be the day. Thank you again! Just hope I can last that long!

 

lynette - March 7

I got to 12 weeks (hadn't had an u/s yet) and thought I was home and hosed. I had no indication that anything was wrong. Went for a scan at 13 wks and 1 day, and the baby had no heartbeat - had died at 10 and a half weeks. Of course I had told EVERYONE because I thought everything was okay. I'm not saying this to be awful and make you worry, but you want to hear every angle, right? Anyway, what the other girls have said is true - if you are the sort of person who will want to share good (and bad) news with friends, then go for it. I always knew that if I was going to miscarry, everyone would know about it, so it was nice to have the excitement and joy while it lasted. Good luck with yours - I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine :-)

 

Meredith - March 8

Hi Kim, This is such a hard question. I told my mom at 6 weeks. I waited to tell friends and family after I had my first u/s at 10 weeks and 5 days. We saw the heartbeat and had a very active u/s.

 

Kim - March 8

Thank you all for your responses. I have my first appt. on 03/25 and they have said that they will likely do an u/s that day. Should things be okay and we are able to see the heartbeat, we plan to tell our families that weekend. That will be at 9 weeks. If something happens after that, I am sure that I will be greatful for their support. Thanks again!

 

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