21 Weeks Pregnant And Broken Hearted Help Please

11 Replies
Jessica - November 14

I wrote a post about 2 months ago t_tled" Please help I am sad" because my boyfriend (father of my unborn child) broke up with me and ended are relationship of 2 years. I never understood why and he didnt have much reasoning other than its just not going to work. Well I am here now because it has been 2 months and he has not contacted me or anything until today. I was sitting at work and he walked in. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and so much has happened in that time. I moved out of his house, got my own place and moved on being single. He came to work today to apologize for what he did. He seemed sincere and he wants to be apart of our life. He doesnt want to miss another doctors appointment and will do anything he can for us. He says that he was scared that he was going to fail at being a father and be able to support us, that was why he ended it. He kept apologizing and just wanted to talk. I was mature and civil and talked to him. I also told him we were having a baby boy and showed hime the u/s pictures. I told him how much he has missed over the months. He says he doesnt want to miss anymore. I am now so confused on what to do or where to take this. I am hurt by what he did to me but I dont hate him (for some odd reason). I dont know if I have just found it in myself to forgive him or what and I actually miss him after seeing him today. I want someone to share this pregnancy with and who best than the father. But how?? I feel like its going to take time. I dont know how to trust that he wont do it again if times get hard. I dont know..... What do you thing I should do and how do I approach it? Oh yeah, after he came to see me at work, later that night, I called him to ask why and more questions on my mind which he was willing to answer. I told him we would have to take this one day at a time. He was happy with that. He said he would have his phone by his side always, so to call when ever I wanted even later that night if I wanted to talk. But I am just so confused on this and dont know what to do. Please some advice....

 

me - November 14

I think you are doing the right thing. Taking it one day at a time is good and I think that you being open to him being there for your child is good. Definitely let him be a part of the child's life, but be careful for your own sake. If you want him at the appointments, so be it. Just make sure it is what YOU want, not what he wants. He already knows you are taking it slow, so he can't be surprised if you only want him there on occasion. Just keep doing what you are doing and keep a logical mindframe. Best of luck!

 

ally - November 14

hey jess, he probably is sincere in having been scared, i know he hurt you majorly and if its only the first time he's walked then i would give him a chance, a baby can be a scary thought for some and maybe he needed time to take it all in and think about if he really wants this or not, take a risk and give him one more chance cause if you guys did have a good relationship prior then your child does deserve a mum and dad... it sounds like u love him and he loves you but dont make it that easy for him, like dont move in with him straight away, take it one day at a time and see where it goes from there cause he needs to know u are probably just as scared and he can't just get away with walking when times are tricky, i think thats a guy thing but as i said if i were u i would give it one more shot.

 

Steph - November 14

Make sure that you do take it day by day. Don't give him too much in the beginning of restarting your relationship as he obviously broke your trust completly. You will want to make sure that he is 150% willing to do this with you and honestly he needs to prove himself to you again. Good luck to you and keep us up to date on what's going on. Also, congrats on your boy!

 

*X* - November 15

As others have said, it sounds like you're doing the right thing. You need to make sure that you do what's right for you. Tell him that you want him in your baby's life but that you need some time to get over how he hurt you. After time it should become clear to you what his true intentions are. Remember that while we can get intensely hormonal while pregnant, men can also go through some crazy emotional states, especially if becoming a father is a surprise to them. Good luck, and keep your chin up! Things *always* work out in the end. :)

 

RA - November 15

i wouldnt let him in so easy, because then he will know how easy it is to leave and come back when he feels like it. I also think it depends on what kind of guy he is, and where the relationship was before he left. was it good? or bad? because it does sound like it took him some time to figure out what he had and lost. now show him that its not going to be an easy ride to come back into your life, as much as you might want to have someone there by your side, he did hurt you so make sure your careful with your decision. keep your self busy with a close friend that way your not lonely, and being lonely will let him in just because you want that someone there. Well hope you cheer up and it works out!

 

Lisa - November 15

You've gotten some pretty good heartfelt advice Jessica from all the ladies who posted above. You have to do what you feel is right in your heart. If you want him back with you; then do so. But make him earn the right to be there; make sure he knows it's not going to be easy to regain your trust but you are willing to work on it with him. If he is sincere (and I hope he is) he will wait the time and respect your wishes and do what needs to be done to be the man in your life.

 

Jessica - November 15

Thank you all for the wonderful advice! How do I let him back in day by day? That may sound silly but do I let him call and make the effort or do I call him. I know he is walking on egg shells with every move he makes. What I mean is that he is afraid to push his luck and I dont think he knows what to do? I am just confused now on if we should get counseling or should I call him in a few days, or dont call. How do I regain that trust that was lost? What steps should I take in doing so? I do believe he is sincere and willing to do whatever it takes but what? Sorry if I am making no sense but I am terribly confused with all of this. I was doing fine before he came back around but now my world has been disrupted all over again. I had such trouble sleeping last night because I cant stop thinkingabout this. I am happy in a way and I do miss him but I just dont know what to do. I am not going to let him off that easy but I am willing to work with him and see where it goes.

 

..... - November 15

I agree with "RA". Work with him, but don't allow him to make all of the decisions. Just agreeing with him is doing so. Don't call him. Let him call you. You invite him to appts., or anything when you're ready, and not until. Let him realize that you can make it with or without him, or he'll always think that you NEED him. You should realize that you can make it without him being there even when he is in your life, or when you see him. Let him realize how much he needs you by seeing how strong you are. Are you sure he didn't just want to come see you, then when you told him that you're having a boy, he started showing more interests? If so, that goes away quickly. Just be very careful for your sake, and the baby's!

 

to jessica - November 15

Would he be willing to see a counselor? Maybe that way you both would have a safe place to talk about the way you are really feeling and work on how you can both can come together for each other and the baby. I guess I'm saying the counselor because of what you said about him just breaking up with you and you not even knowing it was coming. There's more to it than a man who is scared. I think the majorit of men are a little affraid to become parents, but most don't run off. That's kind of where you seperate the men from the boys. If he's willing to work on himself as well as your relationship, then it would seem as though he is willing to do whatever it takes to grow up to the responsiblility of parenthood & partnership with you. It's easy for all of us to tell you what to do, but you know him better than we do and the real truth is that you already KNOW what the right answer is..you just have to believe in yourself enough to accept it and admit it then do the action towards it. Good luck Jessica.

 

Jessica - November 15

I have thought about this so very much and I do know that I want him our lives. I really feel like he is 100% serious about this and seems to be willing to do whatever it takes. At least I think he is trying. One reason is that today I was sitting on my couch and the phone rang and it was him. He called to see how we were doing and if I was okay. We talked briefly and he said he didnt want to take up anymore of my time. I told him thanks for calling and goodbye. He seemed nervous but I think that it was a good start. For one because he made the effort to call which showed me something. I believe it is a good step. I feel like I should give him a call tomorrow just to let him know it was okay so that he is not discouraged or afraid to call. I am not being overly nice but civil. He needs to be the one to make every effort to regain my trust. I guess this is a good start for him and us both. What do you think about all of this?? Also I would not oppose getting counseling at all and Im sure he will do whatever it takes at this point.

 

ally - November 15

its hard when u pick up the pieces and then wham bam they come back. You know what u want which is for him to be a part of ur lives so take it slowly, after leaving he needs to essentially be allowed back very gradually, even if u wait for him to make the next call, u dont have to do it, you know he will do so soon. Don't stress too much jess, he wants back so just know that he does and take care of yourself, he left so let him do the chasing and let him make more of an effort with calling and such cause he did wrong by u not the other way around.... I know in the end if u want to call u will but pls don't make it too easy for him and remember the pain he put u thru. I am glad u want him to be a part of u and ur child's life cause again if he is a good man you are making the right decision..... stay strong, do remember what he put u thru to keep u strong and i don't mean be a cold fish, i just mean look out for you and make him earn his way back cause if u let him back too easily he won't learn a valuable lesson, good luck and look after u and baby right now, that should be ur main priority to take care of u.........

 

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