A Friend In Need Of Serious Help

11 Replies
Karen - April 15

Before I start to write I am asking you not to be judgemental or pass rude and insensitve remarks cause I think this is serious. Last year in my circle of friends about 3 of the females had babies. While two of them were pregnant we had another one(I will call Sam) state the she too was pregnant and was due around the same time of one of the other girls (last year september). As time went on the pregnant friend got bigger and it was more obivous, but Sam only got fatter ( not pregnany fatter) and started to wear maternity clothes (serious). Any September came and the pregnant friend had her baby. Sam did not. She even looked the same no changes. She even (in september) went on to tell some other people that the baby cord was around its neck and they would have to take her baby from her soon(serious). Then in November of last year she called another friend to say that she lost the baby about a week later she was out wearing regualar clothes. She has faked other pregnanices before but not to this extend usually she would she say she lost the baby in the first two months. Now she has heard that I am pregnant and all of a sudden she is saying that she beleives that she is too. I was thinking about her and dont even know where to begin to help. All I have done so far is pray for her. I know prayer is good but I think she needs some professional help. !!!

 

Speechless - April 15

She does need professional help. I think she's obsessed with being pregnant and not succeeding OR have lost a pregnancy or two in past. Or she just wanted to be 'with everyone else' who is preggy. Does she have a partner? In any way, talk to her and find out how the pregnancy was terminated/aborted and where. If you get indirect answers, be a friend and say-- the right time will come for her someday. Meanwhile, make her feel comfortable in your company --although she isn't preggy. Don't treat her like she's pregnant, and ignore her acting abilities as one. Be a friend though and let it sink in to her that she needs help.

 

Lynn - April 15

I think she needs some professional help too. Just be careful around her. in this day & age, her obsession might turn into psychosis.. You've heard about pregnant women being attacked in their 8th month & the baby being cut out of them right? try to be there for her & help her, but be careful doing it too..

 

Milissa - April 15

That is very upsetting. 1 she needs some help. 2 there is some attention issues there. is she married or have a boyfriend?? Is she having depression problems? You can't make some one get help, all you can do is be there as a friend but even that gets old. I had this friend for awhile about 5 years, well I got married in july 04 she wasmy made of honor well after the wedding things have changed she did not call me anymore and when I would ask why " she was a busy person " she can't follow me around bla bla.. well come to find out in to cocain big time! I new she did it some times but during the week leaving home not coming back till 6:00am and she has 2 kids and a fiance thing is there wedding is the 17 of july mine was 16th there wedding song the same as our's and bridal shower same day bach.party say day are you getting me here...some people are so raped up in wanting to be that person and then things just get worse.. my story ends bad cause I had enough of all of it! and told her she needs help that I will be there for her bla bla she got p__sed told me off and had her fiance come over and tell me that my husband and I are no longer in the wedding! her fiance is a dumb a__s! he did not believe me and my husband and him have know each other longer. well I 'm waiting for the dress to come in and I want my 180.00 dollars BACK! some times you can't help.. best thing to do is move on...good luck

 

Karen - April 15

To answer speechless question, yes she has a partner. I forgot to mention that. I beleive that he desprately wants to have child as well. Their realtionship is realy volitile and is volient at times.Oh yea another insident. One of the other ladies got married when she was about 7 months in september. At the wedding she feet began to hurt her so she went into the house to change her shoes and wear comfortable slippers. Sam then decided that her feet was hurting her too and changed hers for slippers. Dont mean to disclose too much but I want you guys to see how serious this is .

 

Speechless - April 15

It's becoming more clear to me that this girl is almost positively pressured to be pregnant and is probably now on the verge of depression. By 'pretending' to be preggy, she is keeping her partner and make her relationship a bit rosy even for awhile. One thing is clear, help her get some help, fast. This play-pretend cannot go on that much longer before it'd lose its 'credibility'. Not getting help now is just delaying the inevitable. Be gentle with her when you introduce this help idea--but be firm. And watch out for any change towards the worse in her behaviour. No other way, karen. SHE NEEDS HELP NOW.

 

rb - April 15

hey karen - as pathetic as what she is / was doing sounds, it's quite sad really - i think you're being a good friend by being concerned, but what she needs is help and not a babysitter... usually i am not a really sympathetic person, but i feel for her because she so obviously needs help... i had a friend before who lied about absolutely everything and i realized that it came down to compet_tion - she wanted to fit in and the same time one-up everyone... i realized it was affecting me negatively and that being friends with her was actually toxic - i'm not sure how you might bring up the subject with her, but either way, she needs to get some help and i'm not sure this is something you should stress out about since you're pregnant... good luck!

 

tara - April 15

Obviously there are issues here that she needs to deal with through professional help. I wonder if she is not able to have children but really wants to or is feeling pressured by her partner ...I hate to guess with out really knowing her. In any case, do you have a good relationship with her partner? I wonder if you and a close friend can talk to him and see where all this is coming from and suggest some professional help before this becomes a bigger issue than it already is. Bes wishes for you during your pregnancy and best of luck with Sam.

 

Karen - April 15

Thank you guys for your help it ment a great deal. I feel really sad cause with other things that has happen it seems that they are trying to compete with everyone else. A friend of ours just bought a new equipment for one of their hobbies and they (never had the hobby before) went after and bought the same equipment and now has that hobbie as well. In a way I think both need help. I will try my best to find a way to bring it up without being mean or seem insensitive. Thanks again

 

Kaz - April 16

Isn't there such a thing as a phantom pregnancy? I don't know what 's that's all about but could it be a possibilty? Does sound sus. Best wishes with your own bub.

 

Maleficent - April 16

i'm NOT trying to be judgemental when i say this but in all truth this is a "friendship" i would bring to an end. this lady is toxic! her unhealthy dilusions do not only hurt her, they are hurting you by playing on your sympathy and kindness and desire to help. you're feeding into her sickness and you're doing it at a time when you can't afford to have extra stress. this should be a time of joy for you, not time to worry about her. i tend to be a hard-a__s. when people bring un-nessisary drama into my life i cut them off. true friendship is give and take, you give support and you take support. when it turns into all give i'm finished, i have enough stress in my own life without inviting other people's endless problems in.

 

Marie - April 16

When you say there is violence in the relationship, are you saying he physically abuses her? Because if he is physically and/or emotionally abusing her, her "fake" pregnancies may be a cry for help in that situation. If you have seen her being abused by her partner, find info about the local abuse shelter. These shelters only give out their addresses to abuse victims and counseling is usually offered as well as a safe place to stay.

 

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