Advise On Mother In Law

27 Replies
Audrey - October 31

Hello, I am currently 35 weeks pregnant, my mother and sister and law are having me a baby shower this weekend, my was so disappointed that my soon to be mother in law, did not offer to help at all with the baby shower, we actually live with her.How could she be so selfish and not ask to help out, my fiance wants her in the delivery room when our child is born, and i don't think she doesn't have a right to be in there, since she hasn't been there for me now that i am pg. I can't stand her.What do I do, should i bring it up to my fiance or just let it be...

 

Tiffany - October 31

She didnt ask you to help out?

 

Audrey - October 31

Tiffany, She didn't offer to help out with the baby shower at all, my mother brought it out several times, and she never said do u need help with anything, i didn't give her invitation or anything, i figure she knows about it she can go if she wants.Right?

 

~m~ - October 31

Oh girl, I hope I don't cross a line with this two cents. But girl, the delivery room is ALL YOU, baby!! If you don't want her in there, tell your bf, the nurses, and the doctor and trust me, she WILL NOT be in there. Nobody that causes you any amount of discomfort or stress needs to be anywhere near the delivery room. You stand your ground! Put yourself first. That is so important. Trust me, I made some demands on my visitors when I was in the hospital. You just have to do that. Good luck!!

 

Audrey - October 31

M i just don't want to her nobodies feelings, but u are right,, maybe if she was a good mother in law then she would be allowed in

 

~m~ - October 31

I totally understand. I don't like to hurt people's feelings either, but honey, you HAVE TO keep yourself happy first and foremost in a time like this. Maybe it would even send her a message that by golly she can't just act however she wants and be included on such a huge occasion. If anyone outside of your fiance deserves to be in there, it's YOUR mom! I hope I don't sound pushy. Really, I'm not trying to sound that way, I just want to stress how important it is that you put yourself first in this.

 

Audrey - October 31

I understand M..I have been stressing out about this so bad, when i first found out i was pg, she bought me a carseat and stroller, and she said she bought because my bf would be stuck buying everything, so this weekend, she said she didn't know what to buy for the baby shower, since all of my family bought me all the big items, and i told her well i didn't want to ask her for anything

 

karine - October 31

My mother in law didnt help for the shower either. My best friends, who is the godmother did everything. and all my mother in law baught me was a really cheap blanket and a cheap package of wipes (eventhoug she knew i would only use pampers) What could i say??? i lte it be. But alot of her family gave alot of stuff. i was happy with that, the godmom had baught the stroller and car seat and my mom the swing. iam now pregnant with third. but we had a twin pregnancy scare (and i gave all of daughters clothing away) so i said as a joke....well grandma prepare to do a shower..cause we will definatly need a little help...you know what she said???? well ask your friend (the godmom) wich wont be godmom this time around!!! i told her why would she do a second shower??? its up to you. (my mother is sick, and she had helped for the first one) anyways, we are only having a singlton pregnancy..so thank god!!! lol....but i never liked liked my MIL. it came a point where i woundt want to go there anymore. Cause she is the kind of person that dosent think before speaking. and somtimes would say hurtful things....i think wihthout meaning them. hubby told her everything, and saied she had to change or lose us. She did..and she likes me now..and i do to. you just have to talk to hubby, and try for him to step in. Things are great for me and MIL...

 

Audrey - October 31

Karine, Well i hope mine changes, she just drives me crazy, and hurts my feelings alot of the time, i am afriad she is going to try and tell me how to raise my baby when its born, and it going to turn into a huge fight, i hate to bring up the subject to my BF because he doesnt' see things the way I do, he is a real mamas boy!!

 

Christy - October 31

If I'm understanding this right you live with her? If so, the best thing you can do is get out and get out fast girl!!!! Sadly, I believe it will only get worse after the baby is born, especially if your bf is a mommas boy. Living poor and eating only ramen soup is a heck of a lot better than having to deal with her all of the time. If your bf doesn't want to leave tell him tough stuff he needs to grow up and take care of his new family. I really hope this all works out for you. This sounds like WAYYYY too much stress to deal with.

 

Audrey - October 31

Christy, he won't leave her, we have broken up several times, because of this, he says he is not financially stable to buy us a home, and he wants to wait until the baby is at least 1 before we move out, the thing is his mother makes him feel bad for her, because she doesn't have any body else, she relies on him to much and him on her, she does everything for me, makes him lunch in the morning, spoils him rotten, when his mom throws me hints as to why i don't do all this stuff for him, i tell her i can't compete with her, and i will not spoil him the way she does...It nevered bothered me before, but now that i am pg, i just can not stand her anymore, i won't even talk to her.......

 

Tiffany - October 31

Your MIL sounds like a selfish bi*ch. I hate seeing people that want nothing to do with you while you are pregnant and thats when you really need them sometimes but as soon as the babys born there up your a__s. My in-laws at first wernt that great not even a congrats or anything when they found out i was pregnant. We got a lecture and all that. But they have gotten better. I would not let her in the delivery room (your MIL) theres no telling what she will do. Stand your ground.

 

Christy - October 31

Do you have family you can go stay with? He might change his mind about momma after his baby is born and your not living with him. Honestly, I don't think I could take it. Do you really love him enough to live with his mother another year? He doesn't have to buy a house now, you could rent a small house or appt or trailer and be very happy. He sounds like he is as selfish as his mother. I hope you don't mind me asking or think I'm being rude, but how old is he?

 

Audrey - October 31

Christy, My parents live close by, but I hate to go back home, because everytime we have seperated because of this situation it causes conflict with my bf and my parents...I mean if his mother would mind her won business and not but in our personal life i wouldn't mind being there, because she is out alot of the time.. My BF is already 28 years old, i am 23....The worse part is my bf has no idea how i feel, i am sure his mother knows, lately i have been real distant with her, and if she happens to ask me a questions, i just answer yes or no and it stops there.. Sometimes i think maybe its just me and i am overeacting, i guess i am just used to my close family and them always beign there for me, and with his they are the totally opposite, i have no idea..

 

Christy - October 31

My experience with these situations is that the older men get the harder it is to get them away from momma. I have a friend who is happily married now, but at one point b/4 they married she was ready to leave him for good b/c of his mom and dad. She told him so and they moved farther away from them. He had been married b/4 and had lived a block away from his parents. His mother had a key to the house and would come over and do all the laundry and whatever she wanted to do. His poor wife did not even keep there checkbook, his mother did!!!! She would have to drive to her mother in laws house, get a check, do her shopping and report back with how much was spent!!!! I'm still amazed by all of this. Anyways, this went on for about a year and his wife just left one day. I can't believe she took it that long.

 

Audrey - October 31

Christy, Well at least I am not the only one, We have been together for 7 years. We have seperate accounts, so if she wants to handle his money, she can but not mine, i think after this baby is born i need to put my foot down, Thanks for all the advise Christy are u currently pregnant?

 

christy - October 31

Hi Audrey, yes I am pregnant. I'm 30 weeks along and cannot wait for this baby to be born. I am so uncomfortable this time around. With my first 2 children I was HUGE but strangely enough, I was never really uncomfortable. This time I am carrying completely differnent. I'm not nearly as big, nor have I gained much weight, but my stomach just feels like it will explode! It's the weirdest thing. Anyways, I hope everything works out for you. I would definitely talk to bf about delievery and tell him you will be the one spread out for the world to see and would like to be exposed to as few people as possible. If he has a problem with it, do as someone else suggested and talk to your doc and the hospital before hand and they can handle it for you. Good luck.

 

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