Amniocentesis Testing

19 Replies
pgbell - February 27

i am not preg yet but my husband and i have to decided to get an amniocentesis when we do become preg. we know we cant mentally or financially take care of a disabled child. (i know that probably sounds bad to somepeople, im sorry thats just how we feel.) he doesnt want to tell anyone that i am preg until the test is done, to make sure everything is ok... that way we wouldnt have to explain to people why i wasnt preg anymore if something was to be wrong. that means i will b 5 months preg when i tell people. how am i suppose to hide that i am preg? i just dont think i can. i think i should treat it like a normal pregnancy. and if something happened then we would deal with it then. please help.


Aimes - March 1

If you're ashamed to tell people you aborted your mentally retarted baby, then too bad. I can't believe someone would kill a child that say has downs or something. If you are trying to hide something like that (which I don't think is possible to do without eventually telling or slipping about it), then maybe it's a clue that it's wrong. I really don't get're sad


Melissa30 - March 1

The fact that you could murder your child because it is not perfect is despicable. I hope that you don't ever become pregnant. You and your husband should be ashamed of yourselves. Noone is prepared mentally or financially to take care of a handicapped child but we do what we have to.


Val - March 1

Ouch. Those other posters certainly had strong opinions. I agree with you that you should just treat it like a normal pregnancy (instead of trying to hide it for 5 months), especially because it probably will be a normal pregnancy. But also keep in mind that while amnio would tell you if your baby had Down syndrome or another chromosomal problem, there are other problems the baby could have that you wouldn't find out about until after he/she is born. For example, some good friends of mine have a baby who developed a seizure disorder a couple of months after birth. In all likelihood your baby will be fine, but before you get pg, make sure you do have some sort of financial and emotional safety net (family, etc.) who will be there to support you just in case. (By the way, I was dreading our amnio coming back with bad results and having to explain what happened with the pregnancy, so I can empathize with your dilemma.)


lawlady72 - March 1

wow, do you guys stand on corners with posters too? How many handicapped children have you adopted? What about the children born of rape and to crack addicts? Have you guys adopted any?


Melissa30 - March 1

First off let me say I'm sorry that my last post sounded so horrible. I did not mean for it to come across so strong. I have a cousin who has down's syndrome and he is the most special little boy to me. He can do everything a "normal" child can do but he is not "normal". He runs, plays and has feelings just like you and me. He loves and he gets hurt when people call him retarded because he may have a chromosonal abnormaity but he is really smart. He is 5 years old and can recite his entilre alphabet, he can count to 100 and he can even read a few words. He knows his phone number and his address. Please don't a__sume that because your child is not perfect then they can't contribute and be a productive member of society, because with the right help and time, they can. Again I'm sorry for sounding so rude.


Belief - March 1

Are amnios harmful or could cause some complications? I thought I read somewhere that there is a risk in doing that. I guess there is a risk with everything in life and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My husband and I discussed the "what if's" of having a child with a disability. Since my husband was born with some abnormalities and had to have a heart and kidney transplant, he told me that he knew how to deal with it and so it would be okay. My conclusion is that God gives us what we can handle and there is a lesson to be learned in everything. Many people who think they wouldn't know how to handle a child being born with a disability or abnormality turn out to give the most love. Probably more so then they ever thought they could. There are so many families that have love to give a child and many of us have difficulties getting pregnant or keeping a pregnancy. Personally, I'd accept what God gives me. Who knows how many chances I'll get to be a mom. Just something to ponder....


Suzie_Q - March 1

You may want to consider having a CVS done. I know it tests for chromosomal defects, not sure about spinal defects though. But any way, it can be done much sooner that an amnio, I think around 10-12 weeks.


pgbell - March 1

first off i like to say to Aimes & Melissa30 that this is a cruel world and maybe i don't want a child with problems to grow up in this world. it is hard enough to deal with everyday life just being an average person. i dont want my child to have to deal with being called names and being teased or not getting the same chances as other children. u may not like our decison to get an amnio but we dont want to see our child go through those heartaches. its not fair. and yes i have known people that are disabled and they are very sweet and loving, but they never have a normal life and they always get made fun of. its hard to watch. i dont want my child to go through that. it would be too hard. i would like to thank everyone else for their opinions, they are appreciated.


DownbutnotOUT - March 2

Pgbell I just want to comment on your statement that "yes i have known people that are disabled and they are very sweet and loving, but they never have a normal life and they always get made fun of". I worked with a man who had downsyndrome and he was 21 and going to University and getting 8's and 9's! he lived at home with his parents, worked part time, and of course was a fulltime student. Everytime I saw him he was smiling and I never once heard anyone ever say anything bad about him. My half brother has downs as well and when i had a downsyndrome scare with my daughter my own father told me to abort my baby. I said "No way!", luckily my daughter is just fine, though if we had her money would have been so tight so very very tight we would have needed help from the government but were willing to go ahead. Also I have 2 cousins that cannot have children (one has turnersyndrome and BTW she leads a perfect life) and I know both would love to have a baby even if that baby had moderate to sevre handicaps or disabilities. No one is prepared to deal with a challenged child that is why there is programs in place to help. Shame on you for wanting to kill your baby because it doesnt meet your standards you and your husband should do alot of soul searching before you have a child. Such as if your child has a learning disability and needs extra attention or gla__ses you going to give him up for adoption???


Belief - March 2

pgbell -- I'm curious to find out what makes you think that your child won't be called names or be teased or go through unfair situations where life treats him/her unfairly as a normal healthy individual. Sweetie, this is life. We play the hand we are dealt and you should really think about all the women out there who would be happy to raise your "not-so-perfect" child. These women are the ones who have the love and time to give and who are maybe can't conceive. I've read your posts and all the posts related and I feel very sorry for you and your husband to be so selfish and uncaring. Having a child is not like going to pick out a Christmas don't get to choose the "perfect" one. Maybe you should stick to having animals only.


Aimes - March 2

I just think it's ignorant to get pregnant with stipulations. If you are trying to get pregnant, then there are always risks. If you're not willing to take what life deals you, then don't get pregnant. If the situation is that the baby will die shortly after being born due to some crazy chromosome thing, then abortion should be considered, but otherwise, I don't think it's justified for something that isn't life threatening. Who are you more worried about, yourself becuase it would mean a lot of work for you, or the disabled child becuase people would make fun of him? I am sorry, but you need to really think about what you're saying before you decide to bring any child into this world. Oh, and I don't stand on corners with street signs. In fact, I rarely post to these becuase of jerks like you lawlady, but I feel strongly on this.


missycc4 - March 2

I don't want to sound mean and I'm sorry if I do. I had my daugther back in 98. She is now 8 going on 16 lol, I want to let you know that when we got pregnant it was Great.When we had are first ultrasound they didn't find anyrhing wrong. Well there was. Me and my husband at the time Now with God. made up are minds not to have the amnio so when I had her she had a few things wrong with her and that we just wanted the best for are little gift from God. The Dr. told us she would NEVER walk, use her left hand, and might not make it to 7 years old do to the chances of her getting cancer. We were ready to take that on only because God gave her to her for a reason. She had to get CT, EKG,Ultrasounds and blood work done at frist every 3 months and every 6 months then every year.Now its every 2 years.Children are a gift from God and I believe that God choses us to care for these child. He picks us out because he knows that we are the right parents for these kids. If your not ready to take on the chances of having a baby that is not perfect then maybe you shouldn't be a parent. God isnt going to give you a gift that you and your husband can't handle together. Well I hope you you and your husband are Blessed and get what you want and Good Luck


SaraH - March 2

Well...I think that hiding a pregnancy would be difficult to do for that long, if your like some ppl (I had to buy maternity pants -small size but still maternity pants- by about 13-14weeks). That said, I do have to say that I am pro-life and while I understand how raising a child that had some problems can be difficult, I don't think it's right to abort a baby just b/c of that. By time you have amnio done and find out something is wrong that child will have all of it's organs, it's brain will have functioning, a heart beat, blood supply, etc. --I'm pro-life from the time of conception, but at 4-5 months...I believe that, that baby is another person/individual and I don't believe anyone or anything gives us the right to decide that their life isn't worth living. Yes it would be hard to care for that child and yes they may get made fun of and such (but hey so do "normal" children), but I don't believe that it is ever our right to decide that their life isn't worth it. If God has created that child and given it life, then there is a reason he/she exists and I don't believe we has humans ever have the right to end someones life b/c we think it's for the better. Besides that, I think that as parents if you are going to take on the responsibility of having a child then you need to make decisions based off of "what is best for my child?" not "what is best for me or my dh?" Which if your only reason for aborting would be b/c it would be best for you and you dh; b/c you can't handle it.... I have a brother by the way who has Downs syndrome, and honestly I remember thinking when he was born (he's 17+ yr younger then I am so our relationship isn't typical sibling relationship) "maybe it would have been better for him to not have been born." I remember thinking about all the difficulties he might face and all the mean things ppl might say to him and that was heart breaking. Now though, I can't believe I ever, ever though, even once, that maybe it would have "been better." He is one of the sweetest kids I've ever known. He just turned 7 and he can read a good number of words. He can write his name and most of the names of other family members, as well as many letters. He loves SpongeBob and his dog, and is working on his numbers. He runs and plays and is as silly as any other child his age. He has friends, and he knows how to work the computer better then our mother does. As far as difficulties, he has hearing issues which has made his speech difficult but outside of that he hasn't had any problems. To say financially that he is a burden would be completely wrong, as he hasn't cost my parents any more then a typical child --in fact b/c he does have Down's syndrome he actually has better medical insurance and gets some educational grant money, that most kids don't things like an ear infection actually cost my folks less for him to get then for one of my other siblings as his medical insurance covers it completely w/o co-pay). Also, I believe that we as parents need to be ready for anything...if you have the mentality that you "can not" care for a child w/ needs, what will you do if you have a normal child who gets in an accident (God forbid that should happen to any of our children) and b/comes a special needs child? We can't control circ_mstances and we need to be prepared to be able to handle whatever life throws at us. I'm not trying to be judgmental and I do understand to some extent where you are coming from (and your certainly not the only ppl out there who feel the way you do), but I do believe abortion at any pt is wrong, and by the time your taking about doing it you're baby will be so much more then just a few will be a baby. I know I can't change your mind, but I would ask that you and your dh really really consider what you've already decided. It's a child no matter what and I don't think it's ever justifiable to decided that it's life isn't worth it. As I said before though, to answer your actual question, it may be hard to hide a pregnancy for that long --not to mention that some close family/friends might get angry that you didn't tell them sooner. Good luck.


Val - March 2

PGbell, despite all the anti-choice comments on here, you and your husband are the ones who have to live with the child and you are the ones who get to decide what is best for your family. Abortion is still legal (in the US) because millions of people believe that we should have the right to choose whether to bring a child into this world, and that we shouldn't make laws based on the beliefs of the religious right. I think you have the strength to handle whatever you believe you can handle, and that if you had a child with disabilities, whether from birth or later, you would rise to the challenge. But I also believe that there are already too many people on this earth and that bringing unwanted children into the world serves no benefit. It's not about whether a child is "perfect" or about someone being "ignorant" or "selfish" as some of the posters have said - it's about making a very personal, logical and emotional decision that will affect you and your husband for the rest of your lives... As for your original question, I still think sharing your pregnancy with family and friends is a good idea, especially for the emotional support. Rather than not telling them about the pregnancy, maybe just don't tell them about the amnio (if you aren't over 35, it's not that commonly done anyway, if the other non-invasive tests don't indicate it) if it would make you feel uncomfortable. We were lucky in that both of our families fully supported our decision to do the amnio and our reasons behind doing it. That really helped with our decision to do the amnio which was not an easy one given the risk of miscarriage. But also know that the risks of miscarriage from amnio are a lot lower these days, especially if you have it done at a facility that does a lot of them. Best of luck to you...


firsttimemom7 - March 2

I think its risky to make such huge decisions off of tests like that. When I was asking my doctor about the tests, she said the first tests have a high risk of false positives, and that the tests also can have a high rate of false negatives, so there is no way to be 100% sure. Anything can happen at any time. Nothing may be wrong while the baby is in the womb, but what happens if your child develops a problem after birth? What then? The bottom line is that there are just some things you can't control...some that you shouldn't even attempt to control. All that you can do is respond to life's situations the best way you know how. One thing you can control is putting the baby's best interest in mind first and foremost. No matter what, a baby at five months has developed WILL feel it if you decide to abort. It is a horrible way for a baby to die. If that is what you decide to do, you need to accept that it is killing your baby. "Terminating a pregnancy," is just an easier way for people to say it. What is best for your baby is also what is best for you. You don't want to go through the guilt and depression that will follow aborting a baby. I have two friends that have had abortions. One had a downs baby girl. There isn't a day that goes by that both of them don't regret that decision. Best of luck.


sososleepy - March 2

Wow pgbell; you sure generated strong comments on that post - can you feel the heat? The choices you make are your choices to make, so I'm staying off the opinion wagon; besides, you've gotten enough of them all ready. I would note that if you've read this, you've probably changed your mind about not telling and are more ready to hide it until you know everything's ok, and I'm hoping it will be. I'd go for baggy clothes and do a lot of complaining about how awful your metabolism is and that you just can't seem to keep the weight off. Leave candy bar wrappers in sight in your car, on your desk... They do the amnio at 16 weeks, you have results by 17 weeks, and at that time a normal healthy baby weighs aroud 5 ounces. It's about 5 inches long. You won't be showing enough to notice unless you're really skinny. I'm facing the amnio question if I get pg again, and I'll do the amnio because some things that can be found on it can be treated before you even give birth. As for the big problems, which lead to the big questions, I haven't made any decisions (except if needed to double check bad results with a different doc who uses a different lab) and I can't until I stand in those shoes, and I hope I never get there. Best Wishes.



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