Annoyed Mil

7 Replies
Kate - October 6

Do people think I'm being irrational here? I'm 9 weeks pregnant, we've told immediate family and my closest friends but have made it clear to everyone that we don't want the news to spread until I get to 12 weeks or I've had my first scan - just so that we know everything is ok. I received an email today from my mother in law..."I hope u don't mind, but I told [hubbys aunt], so that Mum could talk to her about it. Then, Mum told [hubbys cousin], who was delighted that 2 little cousins would be born so close to each other." I know she's just pleased and wants to spread the news...but I feel like it's not her news to spread, and it's not up to her to decide when she can tell people, especially when we'd made it so clear that we didn't want anyone else to know until the end of October. If she'd have asked if we minded her telling people, I would have politely asked her to hang on for just three more weeks. It's made me really uncomfortable, but I'm not quite sure how to handle it...or if I should just let it go. Any advice on how I could reinforce the message that she's not to tell anyone else, without seeming confrontational? I think I've already offended her, as she was far too vocal about her dislike of some of the names we've come up with (say if you like/don't like, but don't come up with evidence against and try to force us to change our minds!), so I told her that we weren't going to discuss names with anyone anymore. I don't want to argue, as I actually do get on with her...but I just think she needs to be managed over this and I don't know how!!!

 

Leigh - October 6

She should be "managed" as you say or she will always step on you. There's a nice, polie way to handle this: write her back and remind her that you didn't want anyone to know until you had reached your safety net. Tell her that you AND your husband want her to wait until the end of October before discussing the baby news with everyone else. And, if you're really bold, you can also throw in (without being rude) that it really is your news to tell, and that you have a certain way you guys want to inform others, so please keep it to herself! She's just testing the waters with you; why else do you think she would go against what you said AND brag about it? She's seeing how far she can control the situation, so if I were you, I'd nip that one right away.

 

nhb - October 6

I agree with Leigh too--that is definitely out of bounds territory! She's not the one carrying the baby!

 

Maggie - October 6

Just let her know that you understand why she told your aunt, but you don't want to tell everyone yet because its still so early on in the pregnancy. You don't have to fight about it, just let her know as gently as you can.

 

lynnstress - October 6

I'm lucky - the in-laws live in different states, so we didn't tell them until 12 or 13 weeks. Kate, your hubby needs to have this talk with his mother. And now you know not to give her any information until you are really ready. You and hubby need a united front on this one. Good luck.

 

Narcissus - October 6

Given that she will be a part of your life for the rest of your life, I would manage this with strategy. Your husband needs to deal with his mother in a way that she is bound to listen. If I were you, I would smile and play innocent b/c you know she is going to take whatever you say the wrong way. Afterall, you married HER baby boy. Really, keep quiet and you will keep the peace:) When kids are on the way, I think peace matters more than the satisfaction we all want to feel when we tell the in laws off. Let DH remind her to shut her big mouth and stop spoiling your surprise. At least you won't carry the brunt of her "hurt feelings" for the rest of your life.

 

Perhaps... - October 6

Your mil is so excited she simply cannot contain herself. Consider telling her you'll be happy to announce the news to everyone with her! It worked well for my MIL who couldn't wait either. We eventually told her we were going to have everyone over for lunch, and she could spill it at that time... she just wanted to feel included, and to see people's reactions. But even if she tells the entire planet, you can't be too angry with her. Its a mother thing I'm sure! In the future, don't tell ANYONE you're pregnant until 12 weeks or past the frst scan, because I"ve learned... NO ONE CAN BE TRUSTED WITH THIS TYPE OF NEWS except the cat!!

 

N - October 6

My mom was like that.. I finally told her that I didn't want anyone to know until 12 weeks so that if anything should happen before then I didn't have to explain in detail what happened to 15 people. I would be crushed enough as it is. She understood that and managed to contain herself.

 

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