Boyfriend Wants Abortion Please Read

83 Replies
Ann - November 18

Please bare with me as I write this...I am a 25 year old single mom of a 6 yr old son and I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years now who is 33 yrs old. We work together in the same office and see each other every day at work. All through our relationship he said he didn't want anymore kids (he has a 14 year old) and I said I wanted one more after I am married. Well, I found out I am 7 weeks pregnant by him-complete accident, I was on the pill. I told him the day I found out. I went to the doctor the next day and had a sonogram and of course I saw the heart beat and everything...it was so precious! At first I told him I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, have it vs. terminating it but now that I've seen the sonogram I don't think I can abort it. He has cried and begged me not to have it because he doesn't want anymore kids, he says he doesn't want to be 40 with a 7 year old and have to start all over with the "struggle" of raising a child. I know he will be there for the baby physically, emotionally and financially b/c he has strong opinions and beliefs about being there for your kids but I am so scared. My parents are going to flip, he's not supporting me right now when I need it the most plus I have to deal with people at work finding out-especially when I start showing. We talked last night on the phone and he literally bawled like a baby-he made himself throw up 4 times b/c he was so upset. I feel like the worst person in the world, like I'm completely ruining his life but I know that having this baby is the right thing to do. I also know that if you are having s_x with someone for 3 years ou should some what think about the possibility of preganancy. What?...I'm good enough to sleep with but not to have a child with you after 3 years! God gave me this blessing and I have no right to take someones life because it may be tough finanacially or I'm not married or it's not convenient for me right now...can someone please shed some light on this? Do you think I'm doing the right thing by having this baby?

 

veronica - November 18

Yes I think you are doing the right thing. In the end if he really didn't want any more kids he should have taken responcibility earlier and got himself fixed. You can love this little one and he can get as involved as he feels he can. But what's done is done. Just be sure to keep the little one first in your thoughts, it didn't ask for any of this.

 

m - November 18

Ann, this is a touchy situation, so I will tread lightly. I can understand your frustration with the pressure your bf is putting on you. But, you know what, it is your body. Don't let anyone make that decision for you. If you decide not to keep it, just make sure it is because YOU don't think it's best. It sounds like you wholeheartedly want this baby. If your bf loves you, this will not come between you. He will get used to the idea, and things will work out. However, if he does let this tear you apart, then you have to ask yourself-- how devoted was he in the first place? I wish you the best of luck in your tough situation.

 

m - November 18

By the way, I, too, am 33. I do not see that as old by any stretch of the imagination. My husband and I have been trying to have baby # 3 since the summer. We've had 2 miscarriages, but plan to keep on trying as soon as my body is ready. And 40 years old with a 7 year old isn't bad. People are having babies when they are in their 40's now. I feel like once that baby gets here, he'll wonder why he ever cried so hard about it. Good luck!

 

Ann - November 18

M- Thank you so much for the encouraging words and I realize more than ever that this baby is a gift from God. I have read so many messages on here where certain women have been trying for a very long time to get pregnant and can't and I know people who have had to adopt children because they can't have one biologically. I think I'm just scared because I am a single mom and I donlt think my BF wants to get married. I will vbe 25 with 2 kids and single! My parents are going to be very disappointed as well as I am the only child and they have helped me financially at times-my sons dad does not pay child support. I'm nervous of things to come but I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing, regardless of how hard it may be financially or to do it on my own (not having him live with me and not being married). I just continue to pray for strength and for him and hope for the best! Again, thank you so much, you have no idea how much you have helped with your kind words! Take Care!!!!

 

tiffani - November 18

Ann- Absolutley have the baby. How do you feel about adoption? I know that would be very very difficult, but maybe it's something worth considering.

 

m - November 19

Ann, I just wanted to add something. Don't be afraid of being a single mom. Women do it all the time. It's obvious you are a strong woman. You are a single parent now, so you already have the "necessary training". LOL But seriously, you'll be fine. I know it's scary. But once your belly starts to grow and you start hearing the heartbeat and feeling kicks, you will forget about these fears, and you'll know EXACTLY why you kept the baby. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best. Oh, and I have a 6 year old son, too. He is a huge help w/my youngest! You'll be surprised how much help your little boy will be. It's sweet to watch a 6 year old turn into a little man and feed bottles, throw diapers away, and play with this little bitty life just to hear that giggle. Good luck Ann!

 

lana - November 19

ann he is an adult and will have togrow up my husband is 34 and we are expecting and my father was over 50 when i was born and he was and still is awesome

 

angela - November 19

Definately yes! God put that baby there for a reason, Termination is never the answer. There are so many people that desperately want a baby but can't. Even if you decide at the last minute at the end of you 9 months that you can't handle another child for whatever reason, you always have options. I know it is frustrating to not have his support but it is not his decision, your body, your decision. You can' worry about what people will think, you have to do what is right for you. I am 25 and my husband is 46, we are pregnant with our second child, yes he started over and it is the best thing that ever happened to him. He needs time to accept this, and whether he supports you or not, don't ask if you are doing the right thing. Have that baby. E-mail me if you want to [email protected]

 

Jackie - November 20

I'm expecting my first and am 24, and have a very supportive husband so I can't really act like I know what you're going through. But all your points are quite valid and I don't think you are doing anything wrong in the least. If I have to pick one of you being in the wrong it is him for not being more supportive of you right now.

 

Jana - November 20

It sounds to me like he is trying to emotionally blackmail you with the throwing up and crying and everything. Look, if he really didn't want to have more kids he could have had a vasectomy, or stayed celibate. At this point I agree it is your decision, and he's just going to have to live with that; he already made the decision to get down and dirty. I was a single mom with a disabled child for years, and I did lean on my parents, for breaks and occasional financial help. But in no way would I trade my child for a million bucks... and I don't think my parents would trade him either. I'm not saying everything will be easy, but I do believe having this baby will be worth it. As for dealing with your boyfriend, I suggest you just tell him you will have the baby, and that's that. It is time for him to grow up.

 

cheryl - November 26

ann, I was a sigle mom for 4 years to a wonderful little boy. You are stronger than you know and you don't need a man in your life that won't accept the choice you make. Please give your baby life, if you don't, every picture and every memory you have for the rest of your life will seem like something is missing, and there will be, your child. No man can take away what is growing inside of you. Be strong and you will too get trough it. My best wishes are with you!

 

Joanne - November 28

This string of posts are the most uplifting caring posts I have read on any board in the last 2 weeks.. I am 40 and 12 weeks pregnant, and my boyfriend left me this week after he also cried and cried because I would not have an abortion. He told me he loved me and would stand by me if I choose to terminate, when I said I would absolutly not abort this child (it is my first, I never thought I could have children, he has 2 from a previous marriage), he then said I was being very selfish and he would not stand by me.... Im terrified, but very excited, and these posts have made me know in my heart that I can do this, I will do this, and no selfish unresponsible man will force me to do anything I dont wish to do... thankyou everyone for your kind words to Ann, they really helped me too...

 

m - November 29

Joanne, I'm sorry for your situation with your bf. However, I want to congratulate you on your bundle of joy. I can't imagine the feeling you must have since you never thought you could have children, and now you have this little miracle. It must be so exciting! I wish you the best of luck!

 

Ann - November 29

Hi everyone! First of all, let me say THANK YOU for everyone's support and kind words! I truly would not have been able to get through these last couple of weeks without you all and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! Well, I thought I would give you all a small update on where I am today. I have decided to keep the baby and I can not tell you how many mixed emotions I'm having. One day I'm excited, the next I'm scared and it flip flops on a daily basis. My (ex) bf is still in his crying and moping stage which I have to witness everyday at work but it seems like he is getting better with each day. We talked and he did say that he will be there for me and the baby but he "resents" me and is angry with me right now. He knows and understands that he's wrong for feeling that way but he said he wants to be honest with me and he needs some time. Come to find out, another reason why he doesn't want the baby is becuase he has still been dating or talking to his 14yr old son's mother and they were entertaining the idea of getting back together-Let the real truth come out. So, I'm trying to take it one day at a time and keep my focus on the baby and my son and not him! I've decided to leave him alone as I know he doesnlt know what he wants and refuse to be second best. I still have not told my family (including my mom & dad-I'm about 9 weeks) because I know how disappointed and upset they are going to be. I'm planning on breaking the big news after Christmas so they can all enjoy the holidays and not stress...my mom is going to be mess! Well, I think that pretty much sums it up for me. I'll check back in soon and thanks again to everyone for really supporting me through this!!!!

 

Amy - November 29

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!! He is behaving like a child - he needs to step up to the plate and act like a man. He should have married you already, but that's another issue. You are carrying LIFE inside you - a real person, who has a heartbeat and can feel pain - a life that may change the world for the better or even just help change the life of one other person, certainly your own life, as their mom. Having a baby is not always easy, but it is always the right thing to do. Tell him to knock off the presure and guilt and get on board with reality! And find real support in friends or support groups or a church. Take care, God bless and hang in there!!

 

shila - November 29

yes i think you are doing the right thing

 

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