Children From Previous Relationship Anyone

8 Replies
nicole - March 29

i got married a year ago and we planned on having a baby, so here i am, pregnant. thing is i have two children from a previous relationship that are 10 and 8. my husband adores them and has no problem with them not being his "blood". my husbands parents love my children also but they live 40 minutes away so they don't see them that much. his mom is carrying on about me having her first grandchild. granted it is her first "blood" grandchild but she also has our other children as grandchildren. i am so afraid that this baby is going to get all the attention and the older children are going to get pushed aside once the baby is born. how to i put it to his mother that she has step grandchildren so this one is not her one and only? i love his mom and we get along great so i don't want to ruin our relationship. please help

 

Misty - March 29

Maybe the sweetest way that you could point out that you don't see it as being her only grandchild would be that if you know pretty positively which month your child is going to be born in then get her one of those grandparent birthstone necklaces with the birthstones of the two kids who are already here, plus the one of the baby on the way. It is definatley not the cheapest way to go about it, but it is a pretty definate way to put it out there without hurting her feelings. I mean who can ever get mad or have their feelings while receiving(sp?) jewelry? :-) Good luck. I'm also pretty sure though that if you already have a good relationship with her that she is a nice woman. She is excited about the birth if her first blood grandchild but if she really is a good woman she would never make the other two kids feel any less loved.

 

Daisy Jean - March 30

You could have your kids write "We are so glad we found you and that you are our Grandma now" cards and have them give them to her around the time of the birth. Just a little reminder of their feelings. You might also want to talk to your kids about how new babies are very exciting for a family and rea__sure them that, just like them, everyone is very excited about the baby and it doesn't mean they are less loved than before.

 

L - March 30

Nicole - I understand your fears about your children being neglected, but you should also understand that having step children or grandchildren IS different than having your own. It's hard for someone not in the "step" position to understand this. I know that your husband will continue to adore your children, but there will be a bond there with his own child that he will ALWAYS have. He doesn't necessarily have this bond with your kids. I am a step parent and my husband always refers to "our" son and how WE already have 1 child.. and I'm sorry, but I just don't feel this way. I love my stepson to death, but he's not my child. period.

 

X - March 30

I have a stepdaughter who comes and visit us every 2 weeks and some weekdays. Although I care about her (known her since she was 5-- she's now 13 and our relationship is great, took showers together and slept together)-- I certainly cannot say I would feel exactly the same way towards her as my soon to be baby. I feel like she is my dearest little friend and would instinctively protect her from any harm or hurt BUT with my own baby-- even now when I'm still pregnant-- I feel a special connection as this baby is an extension of myself. And it IS correct that this is her first grandchild. Not meant to forget YOUR kids but IF things don't work out between you and her son in the future, legal issues would only connect her to THIS grandchild.Let her have that right to acknowledge her own lineage. No offense meant for you.

 

BabyTiger - March 30

Blood IS thicker...and there are many variations of love. As long as mutual respect and compa__sion is there--there should be enough for everybody. Take note though that the levels may be different, whether or not they would admit to it.Be happy that your children from a previous relationship are accepted by your new in-laws. Just because things are going well, do not expect everyone else to feel the exact same love you have for your children.It's wishful thinking but not DNA reality. By pushing it too much (rubbing it in-- close to being obvious about what YOU want to happen)-- you (and your kids) might just get pity love. Let these extended relationships grow and develop on their own. Your adorable kids will surely earn a 'special' place in her heart, if not already- even without your help.

 

nicole - March 30

thank you everyone for your responses. i know its hard for someone to connect with children who they have not know since they were born and yes my children are set in their ways and don't treat his parents like they do my own. hopefully everything will just fall into place and their won't be too much favortism so to speak. thanks again and good luck to you all.

 

** - April 2

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Allie - April 2

nicole - I am step-mother of two children, and my husband and I hope to have another child. Both of his children call me mom, we have full custody, but this will still be my fist "baby" - I didn't know our two when they were babies; your husbands parents are probably looking at it from the same perspective - they have two wonderful grandchildren, but this is their first "grandbaby"; I know this distinction my seem wierd, but being in the situation it really exists. I know that I will not love a new baby any more than the two children my husband has given me, but it will be different, b/c it's my first baby, even though I am now a mother of two.

 

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