Confused By Husband

7 Replies
? - April 21

My husband wanted to try for a baby before we were married and I was not ready at that time, but around our seventh month of being married I got pregnant and we were both very happy! Sadly we lost the baby but I was ready to try again immediatly but my husband was not. I am currently taking antiobiotics and know that they lessen the effectiveness of my birthcontrol and I have not clued my husband in on this...is something wrong with me for wanting to get pregnant behind his back? I dont understand his sudden att_tude change about having a baby?

 

minx - April 21

men get affected too by the loss. never take them for granted. you may think its not so bad for them coz they didnt feel the physical pain of losing a pregnancy but the emotional and psychological trauma affects them just as much as it does us. sometimes even more coz they have no outlet, while we have our girl-friends to reach out to

 

Kristin - April 21

I dont recommend going behind his back and doing it. Sadly my hubby was the same way, and i was sneaky and stopped taking my bc for a couple months, couldnt get pregnant, then we finally sat down and talked and decided that we wanted to go ahead and try agian.. We got pregnant quickly and are expecting our first in August. You dont want to do it behind his back, it really could hurt your relationship, and the child in the end.

 

minx - April 21

in addition, please don't do this behind his back. do respect him.

 

BBK - April 21

Our first pregnancy was missed too, and I was devastated.... she was too. We did not want to go through that pain again, so it took a while to want to get pregnant again. Maybe he's still hurting from the lost pregnancy?

 

Karen - April 21

When we loss our first baby it was devastating for the both of us. We talked about how we both felt and decided to see what happens. My doc said that I should wait and try in the next three months (we both supported that and waited) Now 7 months later I am in my second trimester and we are both very happy. By talking I realized that he was hurting as much as I was and it bought us closer together. I would recommend talking to him about the whole sitution cause by talking we found out that each taught we had failed the other, when in fact it is no one's fault. All the best and I know your turn will come.

 

kat - April 21

Definately clue him in as to what you would like to do. I didn't get pregnant behind my hubby's back but he thought maybe I did because it wasn't planned and I had stopped taking the pill for 2 weeks due to a medical issue. He is now great and supportive, but I still have thoughts in the back of my mind that he resents me and it sometimes feels that I need to stifle my enthusiasm so that he doesn't think that this was a "trick". I recommend allowing him to go through his grief and possibly get counseling for it. (Look up the 5 stages of death, I believe you go through these stages for any loss in your life. See where you both are in the process and if you haven't made it acceptance, then you both need more time) Good luck to you!

 

Jamie - April 22

I'm currently 6 months preg. with our first; a few months ago, I had a very bad miscarriage scare - fortunately, the baby was alright, but my husband and I both were in shock for days, just at the fear of losing our little one - your husband is probably still hurting, because it was his child, too. Give him time to heal from the trauma of a lost child.

 

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