Could I Be The Father

10 Replies
coling_22 - March 20

Hi I slept with a friend twice in December and we have just found out shes pregnant. I slept with her once on the 13th and once on the 24th. I know it was stupid, and im not looking for a lecture, but both times we didn't use anything but I pulled out in good time. She then slept with someone else on the 3rd January, they didn't use anything either and he didn't pull out. So she took the morning after pill. The first day of her last period was the 20th December, but she had some very light bleeding around the time her period was due in January. From her last period, it puts her ovulation date exactly the 3rd January. And ive read that the morning after pill isnt really effective after ovulation. I know it supposedly prevents implantation but ive read lots of articles and info on the net saying that its not proven that it can actually do that, and if they have already ovulated and the egg fertilised then its not very effective. What are the chances it could be mine? Thanks.

 

clindholm - March 20

It sounds like the chance is very very slim that the baby could be yours. Most women don't usually ovulate 4 days after their period starts. Typically ovulation occurs about 2 weeks before the next expected period. Of course every women and her cycle is different but I highly doubt the baby could be yours. You are correct that sometimes the Morning After Pill does not always work. Good luck.

 

coling_22 - March 20

Hi, thanks for your reply! Yeah I agree the chance is very very slim, and ive been reading up a LOT since I found out (have learnt quite a lot about the whole thing, and have definitely learnt my lesson!). Everything Ive read pretty much points to it being the other guys. The only thing thats putting a major doubt in my mind is she had a scan on tuesday, and the scanning woman commented that the baby was quite big, and she suspected it had been conceived earlier, but surely her last period date of 20th december rules that out?? And for it to be have been conceived earlier wouldn't it have to have been when she ovulated the previous month which then points to very early december where, as far as Im aware, she didnt sleep with anyone. Shes actually looking into having a pre-natal paternity test done, but its very expensive!

 

clindholm - March 20

The early scans are supposed to be pretty accurate but if she did not have unprotected s_x the month prior, then the baby is just a little big. They do grow at different rates later in pregnancy. Usually the first 8 weeks is about the same for most babies. Some women can have bleeding in early pregnancy that can be mistaken for a period, but it is typically shorter and lighter than their normal one- so the LMP can always have room for error. Since she is 3 months now, I would think the baby is just a bit big. Also if she has a longer cycle than 28 days or ovulated earlier than day 14 that may account for the size discrepency. You should try to relax, it does not sound like the baby could be yours. Obviously a paternity test is the only 100% way to tell. I believe once the baby is born, that type of test is less expensive (and less dangerous) than the prenatal one. Good luck!

 

Malica - March 20

Prenatal paternity tests are expensive (and often dangerous to do), but early ultrasounds can be used (and often are used) to determine conception date if the woman is unsure. Were you at the ultrasound to hear the results first-hand? During early ultrasounds they don't give you wishy-washy answers like "the baby looked big and could have been conceived earlier". They'll tell you something very specific like they've dated the pregnancy to be 5 weeks 4 days along. (And they're usually accurate to within a few days that early along). Ask to attend the scan if you weren't there the first time. That vague answer sounds fishy to me.

 

coling_22 - March 20

(d__n i just typed the longest repsonse but as i wasnt logged in i just lost it all, ill retype and hope i dont leave anything out!) Hi, thank you both for your responses. Malica, no i wasnt there there at the scan. She says she didnt know she was pregnant, and had been to the hospital on tuesday about something else when they informed her. She said she then had a scan straight away. And i only found out about it all afterwards. She had her last period on 20th december, some light bleeding in jan and through personal problems going on, hadnt noticed she missed in february (as a guy i dont know how feasable that is). She told me she was informed she was 13.5 weeks pregnant and given a conception of date of 3rd Jan. I got the impression this was before she had the scan, so maybe this was based purely on her LMP date. She said she than had a scan in which the nurse said it was 'quite big' and that she suspected it was conceived earlier. Apparantly she said dates of bewtween 13th and 28th december. Again this all sounds a bit vague and just doesnt fit in with her period dates (i know she could have an irregular cycle). The thing is we do have quite a bit of history and she has been pursuing me for quite a few years (i hate to say it, but almost to the point of obsession). Im now in a very happy relationship with someone else. The two times we slept together were silly mistakes on my part, and it happened before my current relationship. I think she wants it to be mine. She wants it to cause problems in my current relationship and she is trying to convince me, and her self, that its very possibly mine. I may be wrong. Shes told me its all come as a shock, and she doesnt know exactly what shes going to do. I feel that she wants to be sure its mine before she decides to keep it. I cant see her wanting to pay nearly £1000 for a paternity test if she has any plans to not keep it. I know on this forum there are a lot of people trying to conceive and i apologise for bringing this here. Its just it couldnt come at a worse time for me, and im so worried and just looking for experienced opinions on the whole thing. Thank you for any input.

 

Malica - March 21

Sorry, somehow I keep forgetting that it's already late March. When I said "early" scans, I mean before 10 or 12 weeks. A scan wouldn't be that accurate right now for determining fetal age. What was she in the hospital for? Unless she was in for sever abdominal cramping or bleeding, there's really no reason they'd jump on doing a scan right away just because she's pregnant. That seems very strange to me. Did she tell you about seeing the baby's heart beat? She would have been able to see that in the scan if she's that far along. If she did see it, it's one of the coolest things in the world, and I don't know a woman in the world who doesn't tell anyone and everyone who would listen. If she didn't mention it to you, I'd be suspicious. You have your suspicions, but I'm even more cynical -- I'd be wanting to see medical evidence that she's even pregnant before I'd be worrying about paternity. A woman who's willing to lie about paternity is usually a woman desperate enough to lie about a pregnancy too. I'd suggest asking when her next appointment is and insisting that you come along so you can discuss with the doctor most likely conception date and your options for determining paternity. You might want to do this all under the guise of wanting to be supportive of the pregnancy and her -- there is still a chance that it is yours (if she is pregnant) because while the morning after pill has some failure rate, the withdrawal method is not revered for being a great method of birth control either.

 

coling_22 - March 22

Im not sure what she went in for, she did say, but obviously i was more focusing on the pregnancy thing! I think she may have said it was for something like cyst_tis, but i may be wrorg. I do believe that she is pregnant, I couldnt see her going that far and making the whole thing up. She did say she saw the the heartbeat in the scan. The only thing I think, is shes over playing the posibility that its mine, i think shes just trying to get me involved. She is going for the prenatal paternity test on tuesday an she needs me to provide her with some kind of swab today. The one shes having is, i understand it, non-invasive and is relatively safe. I think it takes a couple of weeks to get any results, but if she does have another appointment in the meantime, i will go with her. I want hear the facts direct, rather coming from her because I know she wants me to think its mine and shes putting her spin on everything to make it sound more possible. Its just from everything ive read up on, it seems extrememely unlikely that i could be the father. Havent eaten or really slept properly since i found about it, so its going to be a tough few weeks waiting for the results!

 

Malica - March 23

If I were you, I'd want to make sure that your sample went straight from your hands into the hands of a professional, just so there are no mix up in samples -- accidental or otherwise. Try not to worry. It is a very very slim possibility that it could be yours. I think you're right that she's hoping that it's yours so badly that she's hearing what she wants to from the doctor and repeating those bits to you -- not the accurate picture of the extremely rare chance that it could be yours. Hang in there, and let us know how it goes!

 

coling_22 - March 23

Yes i will do, thanks very much for your input. Feel better now about the whole thing now, and will just put it down to ive been highly unlucky should the worse happen, either that or the other guy has just been very lucky!

 

coling_22 - April 28

Just a quick update, it turned out the baby wasn't mine it was the other guys. Juts wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded, it really helped me through a difficult situation! So, thanks!

 

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