Dh Blowing Off 20 Week Ultrasound

21 Replies
emily - November 16

I am having my first ultrasound and my dh says he can't make it because of an important meeting he has next week. he first told me he would come and now i am upset with him about this. i don't thiink seeing his child in unimportant. Anyone else with this problem let me know what you think

 

Calm down - November 16

If he has an important work meeting that he has to make, then that's the way it goes. I really doubt that he's doing it on purpose and did he ever say that the ultrasound was unimportant? I think that you are overreacting. Usually during the 20 week ultrasound you are able to bring a video tape and the tech or doctor will be able to record it.

 

r - November 16

well your dh may not be able to get out of the meeting and it may mean him keeping his job if he lost his job that would be awful right?!! If this is your first baby it may not seem real to him lots of guys don't get into the pregnancy until the baby comes then they see their little one and it all changes so just give him a break and get lots of sono pics to show him...with my husband this is his first I have two other sons by my ex husband and at my 8wk sono he came and I thought he would be amazed as I was but he seemed like oh well and then I had to get a level 2 sono due to my age ( i am 35) and we saw very clear pics of the baby and even found out we are having a boy!! He still did not seem very excited I mean I know he is gonna love his son when he comes but it is just strange for men to really get it I mean I sure there are those guys who are just perfect and do everything the way we want them to but those are not the normal average guys really most men like I said just don't get it until the baby gets here...good luck and try not to be to hurt with him I am sure one day he will regret not going with you but like i said just come home with the pics and try and fill him in on what went on to keep him a part of things....

 

*X* - November 16

I dunno. I'd be pretty p__sed off if my hubby didn't want to go to my first ultrasound. If it was the 2nd or 3rd, then perhaps that would be ok, but the first? No meeting is important enough that they can't miss a couple hours or move it for the ultrasound. (then again, perhaps it's less of an issue for a 2nd or later child)

 

~m~ - November 16

Your feelings are justified completely! That is such an important visit for daddy's to go to. If the meeting can't be missed, could you possibly move the appointment to a couple of days later? I would feel the same way, and I believe tons of other pregnant women would, too! If it were me, and if DH really couldn't miss the meeting, I would move the appointment. It is important, IMO, for BOTH parents to be there for that one especially. Good luck!

 

kr - November 16

I doubthe thinks his child is unimportant. He just doesn't get it yet. It took till my after my 20 week for my DH to understand that there was actually a baby. Some men don't get it till the baby comes out. Will you have another ultrasound? If not they probably will let you tape it. You can let him go to work and then set up a viewing party at home for him. Get his favorite drink and food and opo the tape. Some guys can be dense, making a celebration could clue him in!

 

Charlene - November 16

At my last u/s hubby was very disappointed since baby did not cooperate at all - curled in a ball. Unfortunately, he had to take a full day off work and wait hours just for a disappointing appt. I don't mind at all since he will play his part when baby is here.

 

emily - November 16

This is our first baby. And his meeting is actually a job which he can schedule at different times since he owns the company. He seems very excited about the baby and even talks to it, so maybe he just doesn't understand what the ultrasound is all about or he doesn't think it's a big enough deal. He said the same thing as Calm Down said, that the baby will be with us for the rest of our lives. Not in a nasty way or anything, but oh well. I'm just asking for opinions, not lectures or judgements on my character. I was only mildly upset. I just wanted feedback. Thanks.

 

just a suggestion - November 16

Is there any way you could change the date or time of the ultrasound to compromise with him? My hubby can't get out of work for the first 2 weeks of any month, unless it is an appt in the PM r realy early in the AM. I just had to chagne mine to as early as I could. He is going to go in a bit late, but it was my way of compromising and trying to have him be there for me, but not having him miss too much work for it. Hope that helps! Good luck and congrats!

 

amb - November 16

my dh wasnt able to make it to my first u/s last week cause of work, i didnt mind so i asked my mom to go! maybe ask a friend/family to go with you!

 

Shannon - November 16

Don't worry about it. My dh had to miss my first as well because he was able to get double time for work that day. I told him not to worry I would rather he be pulling in $42 an hour for 9 hours then see the baby for 5 minutes. He'll have plenty of time to see the baby later. :) After all you want lots of money for the baby!

 

Beth S - November 16

I say that if hubby cant get out of the meeting then try to reschedule the appt. if thats not possible then have the ultrasound taped so you two can watch it together. i think he wants to go so please dont make him feel worse then he already does, try to keep him included. he does need to keep his job so work with him since he cant work around it

 

karine - November 16

i know for me and hubby it always been important, so if he coudnt make it, i would cancel and make it a little later...couple of days or one week

 

Kathy S - November 16

My dh also tried the "work is more important" routine with me. We spent 2 days fighting about it. I think he was aftraid to appear less masculine by asking for the time off for pregnancy stuff...I was really really upset. He ended up showing up in the end. He was 1/2 hour late and grumpy as heck, but I was happy to see him. Maybe see if you can reschedule a different day and ask him if that would be ok for him. I hope he will come around and make you happy. It is stressful when they do not seem to want to be involved. God bless you.

 

mom42 - November 16

My dh missed my ultrasound. What made me mad was that he didn't tell me until that morning, then made it out to be my fault, and went into man-defensive-mode on me. If I would have know ahead of time, my mother would have LOVED to be there! Pregnancy hormones got the best of me and I reciprocated his childish behavior. I only told my older daughter the s_x and we were the only ones to know for about 24 hours, until we decided to tell him : ) We ended up having an u/s at 40 weeks and he was totally into it.

 

Lisa - November 16

My DH missed our first ultrasound and I was alright with it. He has not missed any since, so it's going pretty good for me. He ofcourse would love to be there with you; but he is probably in a position where he is not able to move the meeting as someone higher than him has stated that is the date it is and everyone must attend. It happens all the time in offices. May be you can get your US appointment moved to another time or another time in that week when he can go with you? If it's only a matter of a couple days it will not make the much difference really; I've had to do a few times to make sure my DH can go and he appreciated it as he did not want to miss anything either.

 

No Big Deal - November 16

I didn't care if my husband went, although he did. I kind of wanted to surprise him about the gender.You can take pictures to show him. You can play a game with him, and have him guess what you're having. Or, you can tell him, since he can't make it to this one, to have him pay to get you a 3D u/s, and be there for that one. Don't fret so much about it! He's going to see the baby when it's born!

 

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