Does Your Husband Help You

17 Replies
Mel - July 9

I was just wondering if I was the only one whose husband doesn't help me with anything now that I'm pregnant. We were shopping at Costco the day before 4th of July for party stuff and he kept telling me to lift giant flats of soda, large boxes of diapers, giant crates of beer. I finally got annoyed because he knew that my back and pelvis were really hurting me. He's not disabled, plus my brother was there who's 6'2" and could have gotten all that stuff in the cart better than me. After being bossed around for about 30 minutes I was like I'll do it. You guys just sit still and let the pregnant lady do it. I get frustrated. He could carry the laudry up the stairs for me now and then or something. I say something and he doesn't say anything but he won't help me either. Is everybody's husband/partner pampering and helping them but mine?

 

L - July 9

I know how you're feeling. Mine doesn't really tell me to do things but he doesn't take it upon himself to help either. I don't even try to be nice about it either. I just say "You need to take the trash out" or "I'm ready to do the laudry, bring it downstairs please", or "After you vacuum the downstairs, bring the vacuum upstairs for me, thanks". This way I'm not *really* telling him but I'm not giving him a chance to not do it.

 

m - July 9

my hubby does a lot for me..... I still do the cooking and most of the cleaning, but he does everything else... That's pretty disrespectful. If I said something and he didn't respond, I would think that he's pretty distant and not into the whole thing.

 

HDF - July 9

Men really are clueless. Luckily my husband does help, but I also let him know if I feel I don't feel comfortable doing something; he eventually catches on. It's not healthy for you or the baby to lift heavy things, be sure to communicate that to him. I've realized through six years of marriage that if I ask him he'll do it, but if I keep quiet he will not volunteer cause for some reason he thinks I like to do housework. Totally clueless!

 

Tanyav - July 9

I'm in the same boat. I was just bringing a car full of groceries up a flight of stairs and he didn't do anything about it. It drives me crazy. When we first got married he couldn't wait to start having kids and now that I'm preg. he's not interested in anything nor does he help me with anything. I actually think I do more now then I did before. Just last night I was on the computer and found this web site where it shows you U/S pics of babies for every week of pregnancy and I was asking him to see what are baby looks like at this stage and he didn't even pay attention to anything I was saying. I could go on forever :( but Mel I know how your feeling. I'm sure it will get better....hopefully:)

 

glendy - July 9

yes, as said men are completely clueless. I don't think they realize that being pregnant is more than just putting on weight. Mine is the same way, whenever i say that i'm tired or that it's hard to get up or do certain things he thinks i'm just making excuses or exxagerating. I think they fail to realize that being pregnant affects your body in a lot of differnt ways. Like i always tell my honey...i wish he could feel how i feel for just one day...then he's understand..lol

 

ericacarmack - July 9

my husband was complete oppisite he treated me like i was handicaped before he left for basic- i once tried to play baseball with his little sister and he didnt want me to because he was scared that i would hurt the baby by swinging a bat!

 

To Mel - July 9

Have you told him how you felt. You should let him know and bring up those incidents. Maybe he doesn't relieze what he is doing. He shouldn't be treating you like that. Good Luck

 

Lissi - July 9

Well, my husband's not perfect, but he would never let me lift anything heavy whilst pregnant. He never lets me lift anything when I'm not pregnant, come to think of it. He's a Russian, and they have a lot of old fashioned values when it comes to women. It used to make me angry, coming from a country where women are treated as equals, and no longer expect special treatment from men, but now I'm used to it and I kind of like it. He helps with housework too (except laundry, cos I don't trust him with it). He often brings me breakfast in bed and we usually cook dinner together. I guess I'm quite lucky. If I were you, I'd refuse to lift the heavy sfuff and if your husband complains, make sure you let him know why you won't do it. It's dangerous.

 

Jamie - July 9

My husband pampers me and caters to me to the point of annoyance...I've always been a very independant person, and I hate being treated like an invalid.

 

Monica - July 10

Honestly, I think there should be a cla__s that guys can take to learn how to keep a woman happy. It may bore them, but hey, have a naked woman teach the cla__s! I wouldn't care as long as my boyfriend learnt something!! He is so ignorant. He too, thinks that all pregnancy is about is gaining weight and them popping out a baby. He has absolutely NO CLUE what I've been going though emotionaly and physicaly. We have been together 8 years, he's never done the laundry, he has cooked for me once (on Valentine's Day), never vacuumed, never made the bed, never taken the garbage out, never cleaned anything (bathroom, kitchen, etc), he scrubs the toilet sometimes with the little brush, but never uses cleaner (which bugs me, but hey, at least he's doing it). He plays games all day and night and always asks me to get him food, snacks, drinks, etc. He's like a child!!! When he's done with wrappers or anything he throws them into a corner if the garbage isn't an arms reach away, because he knows I can't stand a mess and I will clean it up. Sometimes he will do something nice like ma__sage my feet or back, but that's only after I make a huge deal of making him food (after I work all night), and then I get a feeble 2 min ma__sage until his fingers get sore. Mind you I love him to death and couldn't live without him ... but he needs to get some sence knocked into him before I go crazy!!!

 

Jbear - July 10

During my first pregnancy, my husband expected me to do as much as ever...carry all the groceries in, walk a couple miles to and from the bus stop every day to get to work and back (his work was far enough that he had to have the car), move furniture...I worked until the day before our daughter was born (at 36 weeks because of my blood pressure). This time, my husband is pampering me. It's so strange, he won't let me lift anything, he apologizes when I have to go out in the heat for something, he took a second job when I was 27 weeks so I could stop working. It's really strange, because it's so out of character for him. The only complaint I have is that whenever he asks me to do something for him, he starts with "Since you're home sitting on your a__s all day..." Staying home with a 3 year old is not sitting on my a__s all day, I think I do more here than I did at work...otherwise, my husband is being extremely nice and helpful.

 

LRK - July 10

Just don't do it. I don't give my husband a choice. If he wants the 50 gallons of soda from Costco, he had better get it. If he asks me to pick it up, I just say "That's not gonna happen" or "Baby doesn't want to do that" (baby doesnt want to do a lot of things these days--ha!). I cannot expect him to drop everything to get the laundry when I want it, so I have to be a bit reasonable. But, if you think it will make you too tired or cause potential injury, just refuse to do it.

 

nelly - July 10

My husband is good about helping with stuff like that he carries everything for me. But he tends to forget at home that I cant clean and do like I did before I am due in 2 weeks and swelling like crazy and trying to rest as much as possible and I have gained 14lbs in 4 weeks. and he will say our sheets and pillow cases need washed our daughters pool needs chemicals and he waits on me to do it. and thinks that I can drain it and scrub it by mysely and it holds 1000 gallons and is 2 foot deep.He reluctantly remembers though and helps out But I can never get him to rub my back or my aching feet.

 

CAT - July 10

Dang girl Im so sorry, My husband does help some but I know how you feel. This pregnancy has really takin' a toll on me Ive been so lazy, tired and sick... my husband hates it! He gets upset when he comes home and the house is not taken care of. I feel bad in away but in another Im just like screw you! Besides Its not like Im gonna be pregnant forever, for that matter I cant be lazy with a new baby!!!! Hes slowly coming around maybe yours will too! Take care and good luck.

 

Cindy - July 10

Sorry to hear that. My bf does almost everything and I get scolded if I even as much as lift one liter of milk! *lol. I am so totally enjoying being a princess! Also, when he is at work, his Mom comes over and do the laundry, clean the kitchen and do the groceries for us. I hope your guys (husband and bro) realize soon that they are just lazy bums and that this is not helping you in your pregnancy.

 

Tammy - July 10

I would have left the store or flipped out! I have arthritis in my kneecap and cannot take my meds. That bothers me more than the pregnancy. My husband is the oppisite. He drives me nuts. I do most of the inside work because he works alot of hours and I am home. He does all of the outside work, which is quite a bit. I have had 2 previous miscarriages so maybe that is why he is so a___l but I am a grown woman and I know my limits. In the future just tell him that you need help. Sometimes they are so dense.

 

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