First Time Preggie And Dealing With Inlaws

14 Replies
Sam - April 26

Every mom has stories. Dreaded inlaw stories. i hadn't even thought about it until last night. My hubby's family is awesome. Very respectful of mine and their son's privacy, etc. But just recently, his grandma was told. (insert music of doom) She was cool until last night. (Background info: My MIL attends all my dr's appointments with me because my own mother lives so far away.) So, apparently, MIL told grandma when my next appointment was. Grandma came up to me last night and said, "I' m coming to your next appointment." then walked away. I thought to myself, OH GREAT, so this is how it's going to be, is it?! She didn't ask. She just told me she was coming. I do not want her there. She is the type of person that will completely take over the conversation between me and the doc to get her point across. The only reason i want my MIL there is because my hubby can't take off of work. What do I do? I'm already getting the feeling that this will be very rough. I told my hubby and he said to just let her do her thing. NO! This is my baby! Mine! GRRRR! (Having protective, female lion tendencies about this subject) Any suggestions?

 

alexis - April 26

hey sam, you have the right to say who you want in that room with you and who you do not, if your granma being there makes you feel uncomfortable then you need to let her know that, at this point in time you need to be concentrating on your baby and you, you do not need any added stress. so just tell her how you feel, but gently.

 

Mel - April 26

Hey Sam. i would be angry too. why does she just think she can come up to you and claim that shes going with you to your next appt? lol. maybe she doesnt mean it in a harsh or pushy way, but i would take it that way (being a hormonal, pregnant woman) lol. i think you just need to let your MIL know that you only want her with you.

 

toes - April 26

sam, if the nicey-nicey approach doesn't work, maybe telling the grandma that how much she's involved in this baby's life depends on how she is now--if she shoves her way into things, you just won't invite her. Same goes for the MIL, tho I'm sure she had nothing but good intentions by telling her mother, this is a time where you want things a certain way and that's the way they're gonna be. This comes from experience--when my wife got pregnant (at the time she was actually my fiancee), I told my mom thinking she'd love to know, she can keep quiet abt it, etc. Well, she didn't keep quiet about it so by the time of the wedding EVERYONE knew! Because of that one occasion, I now have to ration what information to give her. To sum it up, even though she didn't mean any harm by it she did something that made my wife extremely uncomfortable and has now forced me and my wife to decide what to tell her rather than just be happy to share news with her, the same as might be the case with you and your MIL.

 

Heidi - April 26

Oh god that would drive me batty! On your next appt start asking your doctor about s_xual postions you and your hubby use and if it's safe for the baby. Maybe she'll have a stroke right there. Ha ha!

 

Sam - April 26

My MIL is very close to her mother and you're right in saying she probably had the best intentions. My family is VERY proper when it comes to those kind of situations. My grandmother would never even ask to come and might even say no if i asked her to simply out of respect for my privacy. I guess learning how to deal with your spouses family is part of being married, right? My hubby warned me BEFORE we got married about his grandmother and her "ways." I just though he was being silly. Um, maybe not....Oh. another thing I'm worried about with grandma. She is....outspoken. About everything. Her beliefs. Her ideas. Etc. Now, I have a suspicion that my doc may be gay. No prob by me. However, because of her beliefs, i can picture grandma freaking out in the doctors office or having side comments the whole time. Can you imagine? The situation is like something out of a sitcom! Ugh. I'm really dreading this....

 

Sam - April 26

Heidi, that was really funny. She would have a heart attack. I think she prefers to think of this baby as immaculately concepted....

 

Heidi - April 26

Ha ha! Well it might keep her from coming back to your next appointment with you. You could ask if a vibrator would hurt the baby. Ha ha! Just the initial shock value might be worth the laughs. Ha ha!

 

alexis - April 26

i think you should try heidis approach, that would really freak her out , i bet after that she wouldnt even be able to sit in the same room as you.

 

TX Girrrl - April 26

Creepy, man. Dr. appointments are PRIVATE. Putting your foot down now sets a predecent that you can't be walked on. What's next? Granny's gonna name your baby? Granny's gonna move in? Granny's gonna nurse? Your reactions are normal. Try being diplomatic, of course. Maybe Granny is just afraid of feeling left out. Maybe y'all could meet for lunch and baby shopping AFTER your appointment.

 

Heidi - April 26

Make her wait in the waiting room. Your doc may even say something about all those people in there. That would be uncomfortable. Maybe reschedule your appt and just forget to tell granny. Next she'll want to be in the delivery room with you telling you what you're doing wrong. That's why my mom is forbidded to enter the delivery room!

 

jordan - April 26

Hello Sam, you need to stand up for yourself and tell your grandma how you feel. Dont let her walk all over you

 

Sam - April 26

TX girl, that's what i'm afraid of most. if i let her in on this, what will she expect from me later? I've planned on having my mom and hubby's mom hang with me in shifts during labor. Hubby will be with me the whole time of course. I absolutely do not want his grandma in there!!!!!PERIOD!! Heidi, that's exactly the way she is. She'd be telling me what she did to get through labor and how I should do what she says because she's right. I just wanted to know if I'm being an hormonal preggie or if this is something I am justified in feeling. Thanks everyone. I think i'll have a discussion with MIL tonite and explain my feelings to her. I'll keep you posted.

 

Lynn - April 26

I agree with everyone.. put your foot down NOW. She'll be telling you how to b___stfeed, change diapers, what clothes to put the baby in, insisting on being in the delivery room etc, etc. My MIL is very much like that & I have made it VERY clear that any involvment on her part will be because she was invited to partake by me, not just because she thinks she should be involved. You DON'Twant to start the next 18 years out this way with her trust me!

 

Sam - April 26

Ugh. 18 years of that. Um. No. I couldnt handle that....

 

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