Frustrated With His Side Of The Family

10 Replies
<3 - March 28

Ok so we are living in sin so to, we're not married but very much in love and we are having a baby. If I had it my way we would have been married first, but hey not everything works out the way you think it should. So anyways we went out to his Grandparents house for easter this weekend and everyone...aunts, uncles, grandparents...very first question out of all of their mouths was when are you going to get married and preaching to us about how its bad for the baby. Whatever the h__l that means. I know we are going to get married eventually but instead of congrats and how happy they were for us because we were so happy they didnt even say any of that, just when are you going to get married. I want to curl up and hide or shove my foot in some ones a**, its none of their buisness. I guess it just hurts my feelings that we didnt get a congrats or anything. I dont even know what to tell them! Besides the first thing that comes to mind and that would not be the best choice. Help?


JLorenzo - March 28

Okay, before you put your foot in anyone's behind, let us help you out. I am a guy whose wife also gets irritated by my family. They are large and demanding. Now they all live within a few miles of our house. So, they are always around. Now we are married, so they aren't able to nag us about that. But they nag us about everything else. There are really three things you can try to get them to back off. 1) Ignore the stupid comments. You are going to do what you want to anyway right? 2) Smile at them when they make their comments and say, "thanks for your opinion." 3) Become Jewish so you don't have to spend holidays with them. Any of those three will probably work! At the end of the day it is you and your boyfriend and your soon to be baby. The decisions you make will be made whether or not you have the opinions of family. And trust me, every new adventure in your life will come chock full of other peoples opinions...good luck.


BabyTiger - March 28

First of, Congratulations! From someone else 'living in sin' :). I live in Denmark and living together here is accepted by the society and the government so I am not experiencing your problem. I'm sorry to hear that to his family the 'wedding' is more important than being happy together-- and that it's bad for the baby (what kind of c___p is that?). When the parents show they love each other then the baby is in the best environment already. True, a marriage will make settle the legal paperwork easier on other matters but this is only a fraction of the whole picture and does not automatically mean all will be great in the relationship just because of this holy ceremony.You don't have to tell or explain to them anything. Enjoy your moments with your boyfriend and being pregnant with your baby together. This is after all, your FIRST family. The others and everyone else are a far second :). And the next time you hear a 'preaching' coming or unsolicited advices that only make you feel down and unhappy--- make your exit politely. Say something like 'Oh yeah, you already said that if you'll excuse me...'. :)) Heck it's your right not to have to listen to more c___p all over again. I wonder if they have something against you getting married in Las Vegas...? :))


<3 - March 28

LOL Vegas huh? I am so tight for money right now that its a little out of the question otherwise I would waddle my preggie b___t down there in a heart beat. Its the getting there thats a problem. I appreciate allthe advice!


Jamie - March 29

I'm sorry, but I find your situation kind've funny - my hubby and I knew each other for 3 months before we got married, and have been married less than 1 year, and I'm now halfway through my first pregnancy. My family can't gripe and complain that we aren't married, cause we ARE, but they do say that we got married too fast, and that we're too young for children, yadayada yada. What I do, however, probably is not an option for you - I simply hang up the phone, because hubby and I moved to Germany 3 months after we got married. It got the message through pretty quick. Anyway, I would suggest that you tell your "in-laws" that they can either accept your life arrangement, or they can choose to no longer have you as an active part of their lives.


Heather - March 29

I had an aunt who sent me this letter totally out of the blue... She was upset because I was "living in sin" with my bf. She went on to tell me how she had condemned me and that GOD calls it fornication. She didn't understand why my bf was abusing me and why I was letting him... Uh... Abusing? Like I was some precious flower he'd popped. She got a 2 page typed letter in response telling her in was none of her business & that the bf hadn't "de-flowered" me... That's something that happened LONG before he came along. Needless to say she avoided me for about 2 years. Bf is now DH and has been for almost 2 years. I hate it when people are so quick to throw their bible at you. Don't get me wrong... I am a believer but it's my relationship with GOD... no one else’s. Stick to your guns <3… Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Good luck!!


Leslie - March 29

Congratulations to you and the father to be. If I were you I wouldn't worry about anything. Who cares what they think. The only thing that matters is whats in your heart. Take care and don't stress out. Good luck with your pregnancy.


Eryn - March 30

I am in the very same position. My Boyfriend and I have been together for four years and have lived together for 2. I am 4 months pregnant and everyone is lectureing me about getting married. I tell them that we are concentrating on the baby right now and after the baby is born we will look into getting married. You should get married when you both feel it's right not when you feel you should have to. Good luck!


leslie** - March 30

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! from someone who is not married either. I kind of know how you feel..exept they(my bf's mom) keep telling me that since my bf is just getting out of a very bad divorce its going to be complicated for us to be married if I made a mistake by getting pregnant!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! and then my side of my family don't know I am pregnant yet but they do know that i am living with my bf and they are telling me that we should get married imagine if they knew I was pregnant! All I do when I don't feel like getting anoyed is check my caller ID and if is from my family or his I won't answer...that way they won't get me upset!! plus is not healthy for the baby. Congratulations again and just ignore them..


Same boat - April 6

Well thats how some in-laws are and his side of the family can be.Im also going through the same thing me and my boyfriend shave big plans on getting married but also wnat a little one and the little one may come b4 the wedding. I know it hurts for no one to say anything else to you beside when are you getting married but as long as you and him are happy persona i would sya forget them. Not trying to be mean


Karen - April 6

<3, Dont even sweat it, I was married for 3 1/2 years and now divoced no children,Thank God. I have been with my BF for 3 years and we will be having a baby in a couple of months. Getting married for the wrong reasons can reck a relationship take it from me. These people seem to be old school. My mother in law(BF mother) as I call her wants us to (but there is no pressure) I told her that when he is ready we will. He says that he is comfortable with the reationship and he feels we are married already. Some of our friends who are married have a lot more problems than we do !! These days getting married is a formality. Do what makes you happy. It is between you and God. No one has the right to judge you and you baby father.Inside of shoving your foot up some ones a** they them to KISS YOURS LOL.



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