Had A Baby From An Affair

16 Replies
HCS - February 13

Im 29yrs old married man who had an affair for almost 7 mo. The lady I was seeing had a baby from me and the baby is 2 weeks old. I told my wife and she of course is very hurt. She wants to stay with me and work through it but either doesnt want met to have anything to do with the baby or she wants me to get 50/50 custody 2 weeks on 2 weeks off? What is your opinion on this. I want to be a fatehr to the child and be her dad, at the same time i dont want to loose my wife and current kids? pls Help with advice.

 

tiffani - February 13

Isn't is obvious what you should do?? You should try like hell to repair your relationship with your wife, and share custody of the new baby. I don't think custody works "2 weeks on and 2 weeks off" however.

 

Ruby - February 13

Hi there, Wow, you're lucky your wife has stuck around at all. If you want to be a father to this baby and your wife is willing for you to have custody of the baby 50/50, then that is the answer to your problem I guess. Please go to counselling with your wife though, I'm sure she has a lot of pent up anger and resentment over the situation and it's better to get it all out there now than to let it build up and ruin your relationship later. Your kids will also need in on this counselling. They are going to wonder why this new baby is in the house all of a sudden. The best way to mend a broken relationship is to talk it out and tell her what she means to you, why you love her, the things about her you like the most etc. And if you are indeed staying with her because you love her and not because you just want to be around your kids, tell her that. It will strengthen her faith in your relationship. Good luck.

 

Coco - February 13

Ur lucky that ur wife still wants u , she must love u a lot.I hope u appreciate it and that u are doing everything in ur power to repair what u have broken, it will take time, so don't expect too much from ur wife.Even though u want to be in the baby's life i hope u have terminated the affair with the mom.And something else, u should take a good look at ur relationship with ur wife and ask urself what drove u in the arms of some1 else in the first place.Marriage is hard , and having an affair is never the solution, but i know u found that out by now.Live each day at a time, take care of all ur kids and show sorrow & remorse to ur wife ( if u mean it i mean ).P.S : make sure the baby from the other woman is really from u , if u terminated the relationship she might want to hold on to u by claiming this baby is urs.I'm not saying it's the case, but it is something worth considering.

 

j - February 13

this seems like an episode of dr. phil

 

the wife - February 14

I am very hurt and p__sed, I am not sure how to handle this I only found out 5 days ago, he insist on being with that baby while I don't understand what is so important about being with the baby now, I think I need time and He has a lot of work to do at home if he wants me and the kids. I keep asking myself why? I would prefer to support the baby financially and try to go on but he says that is not good enough he wants to be with the baby too. The woman knew about me the whole time and did not care. I do love him, I will never doubt that.

 

Leahp - February 14

I'm so sorry about your situation this must be extremely hard! But I do agree with the other post, he should at least get a paternity test done, if she was unthoughtful enough and the lesser of morals to continue this relationship knowing you existed, it doesn't mean she wasn't out doing the same with someone else! At least get that out of the way, second your husband really needs to decide who he really wants to be with. I know he may want to be in this childs life but if it's going to jeopordize your relationship, he needs to think twice, financially helping could be plenty. It's a tough situation!! You must be strong!!!

 

Ruby - February 14

To the wife, Put the blame where it belongs, not on this other woman, but on your husband. That woman could have been anyone. It's your husband that owed you to be faithful. I am only telling you this because if you keep thinking of the woman as the culprit, you'll never deal with your real feelings of anger against your husband. Temptation comes along every day in married life. It's the spouse's responsibility to stick to his vows. There are men out there who cheat on their wives many times with different women. It's not 'the other woman' who is to blame, she does not owe anything to the marriage. It's the husband's fault, and no one else's.

 

JLorenzo - February 14

Well, my two cents tells me that the trust issue, once damaged, is very hard to repair. You will always be questioned about your wherabouts and with good reason. I was cheated on by a girlfriend and I wanted to work on the relationship. But it was impossible to trust her. It took years to forgive and forget and now I am happily married with a baby on the way. With a different women.

 

Been there - February 14

Wow - This was a repeat of my life! I'm a wife who found out my husband also got another woman pregnant. To make a long story short, I was not as forgiving. My husband had a choice to make. It was either me or her. He chose me. Just a side note: this woman has 3 kids from 3 different men.

 

Coco - February 14

Ruby, it takes two to tango.But the real issue here is not who to blame . And no offence, but "the wife & HCS " are u both surfing the same site to sort out such a big issue ? I understand that it is very difficult at the moment and u might not know how to face each other, but i really think u need to talk to each other a lot.This is going to ask a lot of hard work & a very long time for this relationship to heal .We can only give u words of encouragements , but really u need to pour ur hearts out.It will not be smooth & rosey all the time but there is so many lives involved in ur situation.Stay strong and keep ur head up !

 

Ruby - February 14

To Coco and BS. Yes, you're right, it does take two to tango. And to BS, I take it this has happened to you recently and that is why you are acting out with so much hatred. Let 'the wife' make up her mind without making her feel stupid if she wants to work things out. She is not to blame here and needs time to sort out her feelings.

 

To HCS and the wife - February 15

I think the only solution to this problem is to move the other woman and baby in and the husband can be a full time father to all the children. The women will have to duke it out I'm afraid or try to satisfy both of them.

 

thewife - February 15

He met her in 2003 had an affair for 8 months and then they ended it to find out a month later that she was pregnant.

 

stingfan - February 15

It would not be wise to ask for 2 weeks on and off if this woman is b___stfeeding her new baby though

 

Sc_m - February 16

You are all sc_m if you cheat on your wife. I'm disgusted.

 

J - February 17

the bottom line here is the husband screwed up and it is up to him to repair the relationship with his wife. He also needs to address the reason for cheating there is obviously others issues here. As for the baby he planted the seed and he needs to take responsibility. If I were the wife I would tell him to get lost and move on with my life. Once a cheater always a cheater you can't change him.

 

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