Hate To Give Her Up For Adoption But

18 Replies
just dont know - October 6

I know no one can 'choose for me', but I would like to hear what you all think. I'm 20, a full time student. I MUST be a full time student because I have a disease that is quite expensive to maintain w/out insurance(I loose it when I quit going full time). I became pregnant by my boyfriend, and opted for adoption b/c at this point I dont love my boyfriend, I do not want to marry him, I was actually planning to leave him after the baby is born. He has JUST RECENTLY become the bread winner in our relationship which has caused him to grow a huge head. He expects me to act somewhat subserviant now, and told me last night that woman are 'supposed to take commands', and men are not. Yes, I am very offended, I am also very assertive-not the 'order taking' type, and I told him this. He is also a complete slob. It bothers me, and he expects me to clean up after him b/c 'his mom did'. Also not going to happen. I will clean the house because I dont work for the time being, but I will not follow him from room to room picking up after him just to keep our house clean. Well I waited until I was 6 months to tell my dad. I planned to not tell him, but then changed my mind. I can tell that he thinks I should keep the baby. I just dont know if I'm ready to give up so much freedom, or commit myself to this fat slob whom thinks I should treat him like a king. My dad says-you can get child support. (i'd get about $200 which would not suffice being that day care is quite expensive and going to school permits me to work only part time.) also being a single parent must be so hard. I do want to keep my baby, but there are so many unsettled thoughts that are difficult for me to work through. Any advice would be appriciated.

 

Lisa - October 6

If you want to keep the baby, then keep the baby and get rid of the man. Fight for child support. One of girl friends is a single mom and she loves it. She said it was really hard at first but once you get used to it, it's great. She raised her child on her own with no child support, she owns her own house and car. She just recently moved in someone she loves and everything seems OK. She is just happy that she did it on her own with no help from the jerk who she got pregnant by.

 

tiffani~26 days to go!! - October 6

I say keep the baby and ditch the boyfriend!! Just because you're having his child does not mean you are stuck with him for the rest of your life. It's quite obvious that you're over his demeaning ways, and you know he's not the type of man you want to commit your life to. The only reason I think you should keep this baby is because you said yourself "I do want to keep my baby." There are things you can do to make motherhood a reality, if that is what you really want. Of course, you're going to have to make some huge sacrifices. Once you've given the baby up for adoption, that's it, there's no turning back. You're facing such a tough decision and I certainly admire you for not choosing the "easy" (abortion) way out. Your heart is saying keep the baby, and your head is saying it's an impossible situation. I always follow my heart. Good luck in whatever you decide. :o)

 

Leigh - October 6

First off, I admire you so much for not choosing abortion. You are a very brave, strong girl. And because of that, I have full faith that you will make the right choice for you and your baby. Raising children can be hard, but single moms do it every day. You just have to decide if you want to be one of them or give your beautiful baby to another family. If you choose to keep the baby, there are plenty of programs that can help; it won't always be easy, but you can make it. I have seen 15 year olds go to school, work and take care of their child. You'll just have to learn to depend on programs like WIC, state programs (or local) for daycare and such until you finish your degree and can make more money. Remember that, too: in a few years you'll be ready to support someone better because of the degree; either you can choose to make it through those first years of hard times and then reap the benefits of still raising your child later OR you can decide you don't want that struggle for you or the baby and give them to a family you feel will provide them with a good life. If you choose adoption, look for open people who are willing to still let you be a part. It will make the transition easier. Either way, know that I - some woman from the state of Washington - is immensely proud of you. Bravo for being responsible about this.

 

Ashlie - October 6

Hey maybe I can help.. I am a 20yr old single mom. I am also going through school but I do mine at home, something you might want to look into. I am wondering how much money your bf makes because you should be getting more than $200 for child support, my ex only makes 14 something and his child support is between 400-500 a month. Also I would look into working at home, doing something like ebay (what I did while I was prego) Also it sounds like your dad is very supportive, is there anyway you could move in with him or get him to help you out? Also look into a__sisted living. The one thing you need to realise is that you dont NEED your boyfriend. Trust me things may get bad but as long as you keep your head up you will be okay. I dont think you should give your baby up, only because in a couple of years you may be fully capible of taking care of him/her but he/she wont be around and it may cause you to have depression. Also tell your bf that you are a woman not a slave and if he wants you to care for him like his mom did then he should move back in with his mom cuz until you have your baby you dont need to be a mother for anyone. Any man ever talked to me the way that your bf does, i would slap the snot out of him. lol good luck hun. your bf doesnt deserve you!!!

 

your life - October 6

having a child is a hard thing. it take lots of money and lots of time. but if u do deicide adoption, it just show that u love that baby, more then life. when u can give it a ful time mom and dad, that can give it everything u cant. but i also know that u can do it as a single mom, women do it everyday. is with u the best of luck it u would like to talk u can email me at [email protected] hope to hear from u soon

 

ally - October 7

lose the man, he sounds like a loser, keep ur baby as u sound like u want too but know it will be hard and it will, your parents will help you and i doubt they want to see their grand daughter given away. You will be suprised how much they will come thru for you, once u see ur baby adoption wont even be on the cards, good luck but definitely lose the guy, he is a pig and there are better out there for you. Stick with ashleighs advice, she is young but quite wise.

 

family roles - October 7

why is this world so d__n expensively unfriendly to children and the parents who try to do for them what they can . sorry for venting but I think you should keep your little one and maybe the dad can join the rest of the guys who ball their eyes out in wonder as to why she left .

 

!! - October 7

Men are to love and protect, and women are to respect and be the man's helper. Because they need it! Not his mother! You are not married, but once the man marries, he is supposed to leave his parents, and cleave to the wife. It looks like he can't leave his mother in his mind. He wants you to do what you're supposed to do, maybe more. But he doesn't want to love and respect you. My husband works, and I stay home. For years he's told me the same thing. (Except his mom never worked or cleaned) The more I tried, the more he wanted. I finally just stopped altogether. Except cleaning after myself, and the kids. I told him that I'm not his slave. You don't see other men making women do everything around the house just because the man works. And it's not going to happen here either! You want clean clothes, you do it yourself. You want clean dishes? Do your own. Sometimes it's got to be like that. Or the more you do for them, the more they expect. Now mine's getting better about helping me, since he knows that I'm not going to make him think he's God just because he has a job.

 

Gemma - October 7

First of all you should leave your boyfriend as he sounds like a complete idiot. I think that as soon as you give birth and see your baby you won't beable to give him/her away. It sounds as if you would have family support from your family and you would get child support money from the father. It might be hard work but personally I think it is all worth it.

 

mjoe - October 7

Trust me you will not want to give that baby up after you have it and hold the baby for the first time!!! All your problmes will go away when you hold your baby, you'll see....

 

Hey - October 7

I have a question for you ladies who are telling "Just don't know" to ditch the boyfriend: Can the boyfriend fight for custody if she choses to keep it? Is there any way that because he makes more money (recently became the "breadwinner") the courts will give the baby to the boyfriend? I have a friend in this situation.

 

two cents - October 7

I don't think deep down in your heart you want to put this baby up for adoption, but only you know this for sure. FYI abortion isnt the easy way out, its a very difficult decison for some of us to make, just as adoption is. No matter which of the obvious choices you could have picked ALL come with consequences. Adoption AND abortion are both easy ways out because the end result is the pregnant woman ends up with no responsibility for taking care of the child

 

keekee - October 7

have you looked into any government programs? Get some a__sistance until you are done with college. Don't make any hasty decisions because of a worthless boyfriend. Sit and think about adoption throughly with your family and friend. Maybe someone can watch the baby while you attend school. Do your college have a daycare? Can you get family grants? Do you truly want to give your child up for adoption? Just some questions to ask yourself.....Take care

 

To two cents - October 7

What part of an abortion isn't taking the easy way out? If it is SO hard for someone to kill there baby then they would not do it!! Every women has a choice when she becomes pregnant- she can have her child and raise it and love it as much as possible, or she can give birth to it and give it a chance at life and decide someone else can do better for it than she can and give it up-which I imagine has to be one of the hardest things in the world,but she does it out of love! And then a women has the choice of abortion, which someone might decide to do because they do not want their baby and they do not care to carry it for 9 months and let it have any type of chance! They kill it and then go on with their life. No I have never had an abortion,but I am a young mom and I am pregnant with my 2nd child, I could have easily gotten an abortion with either pregnancy, but the love for my unborn baby was too great to murder it and have some doctor or nurse through it's body in a bucket to be forgotten about! I'm sorry,but I do not feel sorry for anyone who has killed their baby. Please do not put abortion and adoption in the same catergory, it is not even close!!

 

two cents - October 7

abortion= no child for you to be responsible for adoption= no child for you to responsible for I think that makes them pretty close.

 

karen - October 7

To two cents, I'm trying very hard not to let my anger get the best of me here, but it's incomprehensible to me that you could even compare abortion and adoption. True there is no baby to care for in the end, but abortion=murder, and adoption=giving someone who is unable to have children the chance to share their love with a new baby and give the life they deserve. Abortion is not birth control. I'm sorry--I know that is not the intent of this post, but I cannot let that one go. To the original poster--I admire your courage and remember that if you can't give your baby the life you want to, giving it up shows how much you love it. From your concern though, I bet you could make it work and be a good mom.

 

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