How Do I Go About Talking To Mate About Having Baby

5 Replies
marmae - March 7

Hi my name is Mary, I am 25 and I have been wanting a baby for sometime now,but my man who is 39, I can't say that he doesn't , but he's not sure. He keeps saying hes too old to have a kid! I explaine to him that he is not too old! He's afraid he wouldn't be a good dad, I told him he would be a great dad! I don't know how to go about talking with him further, about how I feel, about having a child with him, because we have been together going on 8 years now, and are engaged to be married soon, and he is the last man in his family to carry his last name, and I would love to possibly carry his child and hope for a boy, to carry on his name. Can you give me any advise?

 

Jezebel - March 7

you need to come to an agreement on this matter BEFORE you get married! i dont understand why it would be difficult to talk to someone youve been with for 8 years about your hopes and dreams, your husband should be your best friend, your #1 supporter. now if he has told you flat out he doesnt want kids and you are wondering how to convince him the answer is you cant. i never wanted kids either but my husband knew that going in and never pressured me, i have since come around on my own but now we are having trouble actually getting pregnant so im starting to wonder if its really meant to be at all but if having a baby is something you know in your heart you cant live without then you cant marry this guy unless hes on board. im sorry to be so blunt.

 

dragonlady1380 - March 7

i agree with jezabel, u cant marry this man till u know where u stand. if u do and he sticks to not having a child u will be miserable and it will put preasure on ur marriage. my ex cheated on me when i was in hospitl after having investigations to find out why i cudnt conceive and his excuse was i was unable to give him a child and he has now married this other woman and they have a child together. the situation wud have been alot worse if we had acctually got married. so plz sit him down and tell him how u feel.

 

Grandpa Viv - March 7

Interesting relalionship, started when you were 17 and he 31? I was in this position at his age, and now I wish I had indeed wanted a child, who would now be 30 years old. Does he have children from a previous relationship? The most powerful argument is the one about getting your genes into the next generation. My feeling is that he is commitment phobic - he is scared of the child and of marriage too.

 

Naomi98 - March 8

Hey Mary, my dh was the same, he really, really didn't want children for a long time. He only came around last year (at age 37) and now he's totally into the idea, possibly even more than me. My approach was actually to not pressure him at all - I told him about two years ago that I would want children at some point. He found that really hard and we almost split up because of it but in the end we both decided that we valued our relationship enough not to sacrifice it for a hypothetical person that doesn't yet exist! After that I just let it drop and it was him who brought it up a year ago and asked me to go off b/c. Guys can take a while to come around, that's for sure. It doesn't sound like he's dead against it so maybe give him a bit of time (you are still young and have a bit of time to work on him!). good luck!

 

Jezebel - March 8

exactly naomi, my dh knew from3 weeks into dating that i didnt want children and iknew from then that he did and we discussed it only once more before getting married to be sure that neither one would resent the other and that was it, almost 2 years later, the biggest factor for me changing my mind is in fact the desire to give back to the world the life that was given to me, i was adopted and i just feel that in 73 my mother could have VERY easily aborted me, she was going through rough times but she didnt and through her bravery i have life and i want to carry that on...im still not all sorts of baby crazy, the though scares the pants off of me when i really think about it and there are months when i am grateful the bean didnt stick but im coming around and its taking forever to conceive anyway so look like i have plenty more time to let it soak in lol

 

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