I Can T Bond With My Unborn Baby

4 Replies
S - August 4

This was a VERY unexpected pregnancy. My boyfriend left me when we found out. I have been through so much the past 34 weeks (i'm 34 weeks pregnant). I am finding it hard to accept her and bond with her. Don't get me wrong i love her to pieces!! I just don't can't bond with her. Sometimes I don't even want her. I made the very tough decision to keep her and not have an abortion even though an abortion almost happened. I am very glad I didn't do that, but now I am having second thoughts. Has anyone else ever felt this, and if so, will it go away? When I see her will I just melt like everyone says...PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

 

to S - August 4

I wouldnt worry too much, you can bond when she gets here. I am married in great relationship and all that but I didn't "bond" until I laid eyes on her. We are all different it make take just that for you to bond or it make take time for you to "get to know" your little person before you bond. Don't stress yourself you will do fine, I'm sure!

 

Heidi - August 4

Some women don't bond right away. It's normal. I have some of the same feelings your having and being alone I'm sure makes it even harder. Just wait till you see her and hold her in your arms. She's going to be this little helpless baby depending on you 24/7. You'll bond. I had really negative feelings too but now at 29 wks I'm starting to really accept it and getting excited and already getting protective of her. Even though my fiance will be there, I feel it's going to be up to me to really do all the nurturing and caring for her.

 

melonbelly - August 4

Everyone is different, and what you are experiencing is normal. Some mothers also don't bond with their babies immediately after they're born. So, even if you don't "melt" right away, don't be alarmed. They are new little strangers we don't know yet, and sometimes it may take a few weeks to develop that bond. The fact that you are worried about not bonding is a good sign. It shows you care. Just take care of yourself as best you can during this time. You may also want to read up on post-partum depression so you'll be prepared in case you experience it. Some of us with less than ideal circ_mstances around our pregnancies are especially prone to it.

 

kris - August 4

Another side that needs to be mentioned, although I PRAY you wont need to act on it. If you dont bond with your child, and feel cold towards her, please consider counseling or adoption. I say this as an abused child. My mother did not want me and had to marry a man she didn't love upon getting pregnant (those were the times back then), and let me know EVERY time she was angry (just about daily) that she "wished to god I was never born". I am 34 and remember every hurtful, hateful word she ever said, and every whipping over nonsense situations like the vacuum cleaner bag breaking, etc. she gave me (just about daily) in her anger at her situation. She was a very unhappy woman, stuck in a marriage she didn't want and had a child she couldn't love. You are very strong to have made the decision to keep your child, and hope you continue to be strong and love your child. But if you cant, please find the final reserves of strength and place your precious child with someone who will protect and adore her. My prayers are with you.

 

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