I M Losing My Mind And Don T Know What I Should Do

10 Replies
Tigerphoenix - July 11

I've gotten like this before and even had to be on drugs and go to counsling. After I got over it (this was back when I was 16), I would fight the depression when ever it would start to surface again. My husband knows about my little episodes and is normaly able to help me get out of them. But it seems lately they have been getting like they were the first time when I couldn't control it. All I want to do is cry. I think about how I won't be able to provide a good life for my child. I keep thinking, how can I take care of her when I can't seem to take care of myself. Money, work, family problems, it seems like its all comming at me at once. I sometimes think about how nice it would be to just leave. Just somehow leave and start over. Or I think about jumping off a cliff (good thing there are none in florida). I love doing graphic design but am taking no pleasure in it. Hell I can't even get started. My mind is full of fog. I want to run away and hide but I can't. I'm losing it ( I wonder if i ever had it in the first place) =(

 

KK - July 11

Well I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager, actually a reformed self mutalator and balimic. I've always wondered if I was bi-polar but this pregnancy is making believe that I am...my emotions are out of control and at times when I'm fighting with my boyfriend I think about how much easier it would be if I just ended it, but then I couldn't kill me baby, then I think after its born and then I think about the consequences that might have on him. I just try to think of better times and imagine holding my baby and hearing him goo and grab my finger and that seems to get my mind of it. I am a mother now and can't be that selfish, this is about my child from now on. Talking about it and admitting your losing your mind is very healthy...hang in there and seek prfessional help if need be. Good luck.

 

Ok - July 11

I know EXACTLY how that is. I became seriously (clinically) depressed at 14 and attempted suicide twice. When my family found out what I'd done, I realized how selfish I'd been. They were SO hurt that I'd even tried, I couldn't stomach seeing my father cry. I have had battles with it here and there since then. One thing that helped me was a very good friend of mine taught me how to live in the NOW. Don't dwell on the other stuff. Right where you are, right now, life is good. Think about it, you're sitting in front of your computer, maybe you have something to munch on, and you've got a life growing inside of you, in THAT MOMENT, life is good, everything is fine right where you are. Don't think about the past or the future, concentrate on RIGHT NOW. You may be surprised at how you feel when you try. It worked for me, and helped me overcome depression at that time. Anytime I feel myself leaning that way now, I live in the now.

 

Julie - July 11

The best advice I can tell you is to talk to a professional and don't be afraid to do it. It will be the best thing you ever do. With counseling and medication you can live a normal life. Good luck to you!

 

Anon - July 11

I've often felt this way, starting from when I was a teenager. It's definitely been worse since I got pregnant. I've often felt like just disappearing or jumping in front of a train. I constantly feel like I will be a terrible mother and have on a couple of occasions told my husband to take the baby, go back to his own country and leave me to disappear somewhere. Crying has been constant, and I sometimes feel so much despair welling up inside that I actually start to scream and there's nothing I can do about it. I also have that same lack of interest in doing things I used to enjoy. This last week has been much better for me and I feel like I am coping. Something I find that helps for me is to keep a diary of my feelings. When I'm down I can read the days when I was feeling posistive and it helps me to look on the brighter side again. When I'm in a positive mood, I go back and read the days when I felt like killing myself and realise how silly and irrational I've been. I've lost count of the times when I felt there was nothing to live for, but I'm still here, so I just have to keep telling myself, that no matter how bad things seem to be, they always work out in the end.

 

Julie - July 11

It doesn't get easier after you have your baby either. I remember once my husband went back to work I wanted to crawl into a hole! I was so lonely, depressed and even angry at times. I blamed my husband and resented him for my horrible feelings. I got some help and felt much better.

 

Anon - July 11

I've always been too scared to seek proffesional help, because I don't want someone to confirm that there's something wrong with me.

 

Mad Cow - July 11

I wonder if I'm going through depression with my pregnancy. It was not planned and we just built a new house so money is really tight and it's all I ever worry about and I have to go back to work once my leave is up and my fiance said I'm like a totally different person when I'm pregnant. I'm just this mean evil thing that cries a lot and picks fights all the time. It's like things that didn't bother me before, now bother me because I don't want anything but what's best for the baby. It just sucks. I've never thought about killing myself, ever! Just get super bummed and feel sorry for myself a lot cus the fiance and I aren't getting along at all. Friday night I was home alone and I thought I could put the baby border up by myself and when I went to move my stool, I pulled all the border off the wall, tripped and spilled the whole gallon of water on my new carpet!!!!! I was so god d__n mad that I just sat and BAWLED my eyes out like a little kid. It was really pathetic. I'm glad nobody stopped over during my fit. It went on for about a half an hour of me mopping up water and bawling. Finally my golden retriever came in and just sat next to me and licked the tears off my face. Then I bawled even harder. It was like he was saying, it's okay mom. Just a bad hormone day. He's my best buddy. Hee hee! Anyone else have these days or am I cracking up?

 

Tigerphoenix - July 11

We are trying to refinance our house so we can fix alot of things. Seems like the money problems never end and with a baby I worry about being able to afford to care for her. My pregnancy was not planned and I really wasn't ready even a little bit to be a mom. My hubby was so happy. All I can think about is being able to provide for her and knowing that I might not be able to. I can't ask my family for anymore help. They have done so much for me in the last 7 years. I just can't ask them.... I need to take care of myself. But I feel so helpless like im just a little kid who is lost. Ugh! I'm sorry for rattling on but typing it out seem to be the only thing that is helping calm me.

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - July 11

It sounds to me like you're overwhelmed by life. I've been there, and i've felt as helpless as you do. Best thing to do is to step back and evaluate your situation. What is the thing that is causing you the most stress?

 

Tigerphoenix - July 11

Finances and work (which ties into the finances part). Seems to be the one thing everyone has a problem with.

 

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