I M The Worst Mum To Be In The World Feel Sick With Guilt

50 Replies
anon - September 15

i am currently 30 weeks pregnant..at first my bf had real problems with the idea of becoming a parent, and i wasn;t sure what to do..had an abortion planned at around 18 weeks. in the end i just couldnt do it and now we are both really looking forward to the baby..however.. during the time before we made that decision i was drinking maybe 3 or 4 beers a day and smoking 5 cigarettes. now i can't stop, and am secretly smoking 2 a day (bf would kill me if he knew) i am also wrried i may be an alcoholic as every other day i have been drinking 3 or 4 beers even though i know how bad it is for the baby. i have tried my best not to but it helps me get through the day.i am too scared to seek medical help unless they say something is wrong. we had a scan at 24 weeks and the baby was fine..why am i doing this to him!?

 

well - September 15

do you want an honest answer? I a__sume you do since you are asking the question in the first place. If you know it is wrong, but are not getting the help and guidance you need from professionals (like doctors, etc.) then you have a serious problem both mentally and selfishly. It is one thing to do something that is hurtful to another person unintentionally. But if you can say that you know it is wrong and you can't stop that is a problem. And scans don't always show problems that may still exist. So, please, please please...this third trimester is crucial. You need to be honest with your doctor and you need to find out why you can't get through the day without drinking. This is called alcoholism and not only do you not want to be a pregnant woman with this problem you also don't want to be a mother with this problem. This is not only going to cause your baby pain for 9 months...it is a lifetime. Go and get help if you are serious about being a mom. This baby does not deserve this.

 

jb - September 15

Get help! Please tell your doctor. Its very important for you to stop this. It is a problem if you cannot stop drinking. There are support groups and treatment centers you can go to. Ask your doctor or call around and get some numbers.

 

anon - September 15

I know.I know..and I have read up on fas and such..I just seem to be able to mentally block those things..or it could just be the hold the alcohol has is stronger than me.i actually haven't smked for four days..a small triumph..but why can i not deal with the drinking issues!?

 

Angie - September 15

One thing you might want to think about- when you baby is born, they will test for alcohol/drugs in the baby's system. If the baby had either, the baby could very well be taken away from you by the state.

 

anon - September 15

well i hope i can stop asap! so tha tshouldnt be a worry

 

anon - September 15

i am going to call an alcohol councelling line..it will be anonymous, and will hopefully help..why have i been doing this for so long..i am sitiing here crying about how selfish and stupid i am..

 

?? - September 15

I have to say I really don't get it. It is one thing to be in denial and not get help. But you know you have a problem, you know who are possibly ruining the health of this poor innocent person, but you say "the hold the alcohol has is stronger than you"? What kind of mother would you be with that kind of att_tude? It is really this simple: get away from the computer, pick up the phone, call your doctor and leave a message that you need help with your alcohol problem. If you can't make this first step then there is nothing we can say or do that will change you. Anything is possible as long as you want to change it badly enough. Maybe you just don't.

 

good! - September 15

Good for you!!! You will feel much better after making that call! Take control of your life! Your baby is counting on a dependable mother!

 

anon - September 15

it's harder to admit to someone, like my doctor, who has known me since i was a child..it makes it more real and i will be finally admitting it. for some reason posting anonymously on an internet board is easier..and believe me it has taken me a long time to even make this step

 

anon - September 15

they are calling me back within the half hour..i feel so relieved, but still so bad....to those who have attacked me, yes i deserved it, and yes, coming on here meant i wanted brutal advice..but to say i am doing it knowingly and its therefore my fault is wrong..do you think a crack addict whe nthey go out to buy it is unaware that it is wrong and living in a happy clueless existence..same for an alcoholic who buys the drink because of the urge..not oblivious to its effects, but because they cannot help it. that is the nature of an addiction..

 

Be Strong - September 15

Anon, you can do this. We are all pulling for you and your baby. You have already admitted and fessed up to the problem, big step. Now proceed and let your doc know what's going on. Remember it's strictly confidential betw. you and your doc, be honest so that he/she can help you proceed w/ a healthy pregnancy. There is nothing worse than giving birth to a baby w/ some sort of substance addiction, the baby has to go thru a w/drawal period just like an adult, they cry alot, shake...etc...plus if it's real serious, your baby can be taken away for awhile, usually while you go thru some sort of rehab program...I've already said a prayer for you.....I wish you all the best of luck in the world....be good to yourself, be good to your baby...be strong....be honest w/ yourself and your doctor....YOU CAN BEAT THIS...You will succeed.

 

anon - September 15

okay..a very fast call back and not a long talk..but this is a free service after all! I have been referred to a pregnancy addiction service in my area. they meet on a monday evening for those with alcohol problems. i was rea__sured that many people are far worse than me (i.e a bottle of vodka every day), and the chances of the tot having fas are still only 1 in 1000. as the scans we had were very thorough and showed all organsd functioning and i am past the danger stage i should have no concerns, so long as i can sort myself out in the next couple of weeks. i was told to talk this through with my partner, but i can't face it..he would be so dissapointed..i know i could probably use the support, but it would break his heart to know..maybe i'll feel strong enough later. the baby was kicking like crazy while i was on the phone..he must know that i am finally trying to stop abusing him and was showing his support!

 

anon - September 15

oh..and thanks for those offering support and prayers.it means a lot...i am determined and will keep you updated!

 

Be Strong - September 15

Good for you....I'm so happy you've begun your healing...please be honest w/ your partner, you will be suprised at how supportive he can be and how much closer this can bring the two of you...he needs to be apart of this as well, it's not just your problem, he knew you were drinking betw the period when you thought about having an abortion so he needs to be there for you now and help you to cut this out...You'll do great, baby will be wonderful...keep us posted....take care

 

anon - September 15

real proud of myself..i had two cans of lager hidden in a drawer which i just poured down the sink..i know it's not much but it feels the the start of a new beginning for me...

 

Seek help! - September 15

Seek help now! Your baby deserves a sober parent and a healthy lifestyle. Second hand smoke is just as bad and you don't want to get drunk and let something happen to him!

 

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