I Need Everyones Advice Here

5 Replies
babygurl_00 - February 8

Ok, i am about 8 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend is currently in university. I have finally talked him into staying in school, that it was possible. But our huge issue is the fact that his parents are very catholic and are very strong on marriage before pregnancy. How do you suppose we tell them. They are a very big part of our life and we want them to be there for us.

 

tryin44 - February 8

Ideally, marriage should happen before pregnancy. A baby is a huge thing and a commitement like marriage is a good thing. With that being said obviously you are having a baby without it. I am not catholic but am a christian and we believe the same. I have teenage foster daughters and have often thought how would I take that news of one of them being pregnant or how would I hope they would break this type of news to me. I myself think just setting them down as adults. Because your (ADULT) actions produced an adult responsibility and just lay it out on the table in a mature manner. Adults deal with dissapointment or anger better if the deliverer of the news is mature and calm with the news. Point out that ideally (even if you don't believe) marriagfe might be better but this is what happened and you want to make the best of the situation and you would love for them to play an active role and ho-pe they can see that this baby is a gift given to not only you but the whole family. Use their relgeous beliefs to help them understand understanding and exceptance. Hope you understood what I was getting at. Good Luck

 

momma3tobe - February 9

I am not a religous person so I don't see very much difference in a committment made privatley between two people and one you have to pay the state $50 to get ... BUT there is a stigma attached to unwed parents and thier children especially if you (or your boyfriend) has a very religous family. I got married before getting pregnant just to avoid the stigma for the child's sake. No one should push you into getting married, Catholic or not, you do not want to start your married life off on a bad foot because you felt rushed... that's not good for you, your boyfriend, or the baby. You guys decide what you are going to and tell his parents your decision is final.

 

Bridget - February 10

I'm not judging, really, but why don't you guys just get married, if you are in love and committed?I take it you are in Britain, the way you said "in university", that is not an Amercian term. Is there something about being married and attending college that wouldn't work? I will say that my husband and I were together for 10 years (18 yrs old til 28 yrs old) before we got married. I always said how it's just a piece of paper, not important. I'm not religious,BTW, I believe in God but not any religion.Once we got married, the dynamics changed. It's hard to describe but we became closer somehow. It enriched the committment we already felt. About 5 years later we startedTTC. That took 7 years and had lots of ups and downs and even though I know many people who have had kid(s) without being married and it's fine for them, I am glad for me and our son that we are married. It gives depth and definition and security to our life and it's all positive. That's what I'm trying to convey is that if you love each other enough to make a baby together you would feel even more complete if you got married. Also, even in this day and age there is still sometimes a little stigma for kids of unwed parents, nothing like the old days, though.Congratulations on your impending parenthoods, I'm sure you'll do what's best for the baby in the long run, whatever that may be.Good luck.

 

Shannon - February 12

i don't think there's any delicate way to break it. they will be shocked and they will want you to get married but i'm sure, even if you don't get married, they will adjust to the fact that you're having a baby and i'm sure they'll love him/her.

 

Shannon - February 12

oh, and i'd tell them sooner rather than later, gives them more time to get used to the idea and they might not appreciate you hiding it from them...

 

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