I Need To Vent

13 Replies
Bobbi - December 23

Im sorry ladies, this isn't really a question. In fact, it's not a question at all; I'm just really upset and need to vent. OK, I am 12 weeks pg as of today (yay) and I have been with my bf (babys dad) for about 8 months. I know that we love eachother a lot, but he's one of those people that you can never depend on..he breaks promises, forgets important dates, etc..He has let me down on so many occasions that it has become really hurtful, but today was the worst. We were planning on spending tonight together, and then tomorrow I was going to spend Xmas with my family, and he was going to Whistler with his. This was ok with both of us, and I have been looking forward to it for a long time because we both work long hours and dont get to sped a lot of time together. The problem is that he was driving his mom and her husband to whistler, and was supposed to be doing that at 6 this morning. That way he would make it back in time to pick me up from work and we could go home from there. But she is not a very nice person and refused to go that early, and made a big deal about "why does he have to pick me up" and he should be spending time with his family. So now, he is not spending the night with me, because his mom said NO and Im really hurt and I wont see him until after the holidays. And get this...he is 35. Now he is mad at me because I am so upset!

 

rl - December 23

He is 35yrs old and acting like a kid...well hon don't know what to say other than good luck with him at that age he should be acting like an adult I know it takes guys a longer time to grow up but please I am sure you love him and now you have a child on the way maybe he will grow up when the baby gets here you can hope for that or you can cut your losses and move on but that has to be your choice good luck I wish you the best

 

Bobbi - December 23

thank you rl. I do love him but I am so hurt, and he just doesnt understand.

 

Lolly - December 23

Awe, you poor sweetheart! I'm so sorry to hear that! For god sakes you are carrying his child! What an a__s! His mother sounds like an even bigger a__s!! I sure hope you have someone to depend on for emotional support-most of all after the baby is born. But you really need it now too! Would he ever agree to couples councilng? I know you love him hon, but if you keep letting him walk all over you without any cosequences, things aren't likely to ever change. He is who he is- so I strongly recommend however you can to have counciling to atleast get your feelings heard with a moderater in the room-if not professional-then one you can both trust. So sorry you are hurting. Good luck sweety

 

Been There - December 23

Bobbi, I am so sorry to hear that. This is not the time for you to go through this much stress. Please don't allow him to continue to stress you. You need to focus on your baby, a real child, and not an adult still acting like one. You're the only one who can make a decision about what to do. But maybe you need to have him make a decision. As far as his mother is concerned, I'll keep my mouth shut because the choice of words I have right now may get me thrown off this site.

 

Jamie - December 24

Does she not get that his baby IS his family? Hon, I think you need to make it clear to both of them that you expect his child to come before his mother, or you are going to have real issues.

 

kimc - December 24

Does the mother know that you are pregnant? We haven't told anyone yet, as we are waiting until 12 weeks, but just curious if she knew that you had a grand-baby in you? It might make her smarten up!! Not that this is a solution for your bf's lack of respect for you (or his mother's pushiness) but aren't there quite a few shuttles from Van to Whistler? Maybe you can catch one after work? All the best!

 

Bobbi - December 29

Hey Guys, I just wanted to update you on my situation:( He met me after work on friday before xmas, and we had a bit if a fight, and I told him that he needs to stand up to his mom and tell her that he had plans with me. Basically, he DIDNT. He drove her up to whistler, then came back and hung out with his FRIEND for xmas eve, and then I told him he should just go up there. (hes not welcome to my parents house bcuz of my dad..long story) Anyways, we sort fo made up, because I didn't want to fight over the holidays. When he came back, on the 27th, I wasn't feeling well at all, and didn't feel like seeing him, so we just talked on the phone. I told him how I was feeling about everything..that he is taking me for granted, and not putting this baby first, and if he loves me so much, why does he keep breaking promises?) We had a long talk, and he told me that he was going to make things better, because he doesnt want to lose me. Well the next day I ended up missing work because I was feeling so sick, and I got a text message from him saying we need to talk. I called him and left a voicemail saying if this is another "I cant do this, I cant make you happy" talks, I dont want to hear it. He TEXT me that he cant be with me, that he loves me, but that its not fair to be with me because Im not happy. And I havent talked to him since (only been just over a day but still, it really hurts.) Im so tired of him playing games wth me. Sorry this is so long!

 

amb - December 29

hey bobbi. im sorry to hear about your latest situation. but dont let it stress you and the baby out. i know that is hard but try! and you are always welcome here for support or just to talk! keep in touch

 

Emy - December 29

Bobbi, I am so sorry. He really sounds like a child - a man who has never grown up. I know you are hurting now but remember, when one door closes another one opens, we just spend so much time looking at the closed one that we don't realize the blessing in disguise. I know it is hard but be strong for your baby. It is better that you find out how irresponsible he is now than later. Good luck and you have support here.

 

Lisa - December 29

Oh Bobbi, that's awful what you are going though. I was engaged to a man like that once, he was 30 still living with his parents and listened to everything she said..she did everything for him, meals, laundry..you name it. I could not take it anymore and I left. I was not playing second fiddle. Plus, he was controlling and was not very nice to me. I sympathize for you sweetheart. I can't imagine what you are going through as you pregnant on top of that. You need a serious hug right now and someone to take you shopping and buy you something expensive that you really don't need...I wish I could do that for you. I really hope things work out for you. Just concentrate on yourself and your baby right now, try to smile for your baby. He needs to grow up and start being real, time for his childish ways are way over. He's at that age and he's going to be a father, it's not just about him anymore. I hope he figures that out before it's too late.

 

Bobbi - December 30

Hey guys. He called me at work today. He said he hates not talking to me and doesnt want to end up enemies, and he loves me so much but knows he cant make me happy. It hurts so much to hear that. He also asked me if I wanted to go for lunch tomorrow, and I am proud of myself because I said NO. I wasnt mean, but I just told him that I needed my time and space, and hanging out with him in any way is not what I need. I guess it really is over with him..

 

Bobbi - January 4

Im still not with my Boyfriend, and I decided I would be ok to do this on my own, but then yesterday, I lost my job. My boss called me in and said that they were making budget cuts and that they didn't need any administrative people anymore. My last day is friday, and then I have no source of income. I am already looking for another job but I just feel so discouraged right now! Has anyone ever gotten a job while they were pregnant (and showing?) I appreciate any answers.

 

Lyssa - January 4

Bobbi, I can completely sympathize with you. My boyfriend of two years is 5 years younger than yours and acts like a child as well. My mother pa__sed away a little over a year ago and I moved back home with my father because my boyfriend and I lived 4 hours away and I could not stand to be away from my family. I admit I had a pretty serious drinking problem after her death, but I had started to work that out before my pregnancy. Now, he lives with this guy who sleeps with every girl in town and goes out when he is out of town on business trips and totally puts my last on his priority list. He hasn't been to one single DRS APPOINTMENT!!! Its all about him!!! To beat everything else he still hasn't told his family and I am 3 months and starting to show. I refuse to run around town in oversized sweats just so I can keep what he thinks is a "dirty little" secret. I am like you though, I love him and I want things to work. He keeps saying "we just need to work on getting along first" what this means is "please be civil with me while I do what the hell I please" I hope things get better for you. If you would like to email me my address is [email protected]

 

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