I Really Need Any Input Here Please

13 Replies
scared & alone - February 23

my husband recently told me that if I bring the baby home from the hospital, he's moving out. he says that there's no way were ready. I'm 25 he's 33. should I put the baby up for adoption, or is this just a form of sick abuse? we've been together 5 years & I love him SO much, but I feel I should be on the side of my baby on this & I don't want to be blackmailed into something I'll regret forever. Please help. I'm so lost on this.

 

P - February 23

Oh. My. God. I'm stunned. I'm sitting here with my mouth just hanging open. I can't even imagine a human being that would even so much as threaten something so heinous. Exactly when does he think he'll be ready? Did you discuss having children before you married? If this is something you don't want, believe me, you WILL regret it for the rest of your life. Do you think your marriage will last knowing what he forced you to do? Honestly I can't imagine someone that's supposed to love me demanding I do something like that. I'm sorry I can't be much more help because I'm having such a hard time expressing what I'm thinking. If you think it's the right thing to do, by all means, give the baby up for adoption. It will have a wonderful life with people who will love it. But please don't let youself get into something you don't really want. It sounds like you'd both be better off if he were to leave you and the baby. Doesn't sound like he'd be much of a father. Please please please talk to someone close to you about this.

 

s&a - February 23

the sad part is we were TRYING to get pregnant & his twin brother (who lives w/us) has been more supportive through the whole thing.( I'm 7 mos. by the way

 

Judibear - February 23

My husband said the same things when I was pregnant with my first child. He didn't really mean them, he was just stressed out beause he finally had to grow up. If your husband would agree, maybe the two of you could go to counseling, so that he would realize what hateful things he's saying to you, and how much he's stressing you out at a time when you're already scared and in need of moral support. How many months are you? Is there a chance he's just reacting to the inital shock of learning he'll be a father? Chances are, he'll stop acting like such a beast, and start acting like a husband and a father.

 

P - February 23

My jaw is back on the floor. Could it be he's just getting cold feet? Maybe testing you somehow? I'm having such a hard time wrapping my brain around this one. If he really feels strongly about it I suggest you let him walk. Anyone that selfish shouldn't be responsible for raising a child. Never mind responsible, he shouldn't be allowed!! He sounds like he's practising his mental abuse and from there it's not a big step to physical abuse. You and your baby would be better off far away from him. You can do it alone if you have to. I am. Due in four weeks. It's not ideal but it is do-able. I have friends and family who love me and will be there for me. I hope you do to. God, you must be so stressed out about all this. I really feel so bad for you to be in this awful situation. Good luck.

 

P - February 23

Counselling does sound like a very good idea. Think he'd go for it? Hope so. I really hope it's just nerves making him so mean.

 

scared & alone - February 23

dear p, I really don't know If D.(father) would go to counceling, but his brother E. is totally on my side. This is my first pregnancy, and E. is actually talking to the baby & going to my appts w/ me. he actually got mad because D. got to hear the heartbeat b4 he did. maybe counceling would be good, but im not 100% sure he'd go for it.

 

Hello - February 23

I think that what you said in your last post shows that he is scared!!!! If he is upset taht someone else is taking his place then he needs to step up!!! It is your choice, BUT I personally think that NO man is worth the gift from GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS & good Luck!!

 

tara - February 23

I think if he had agreed to trying for a baby, then he is just scared right now. It's only a short time before his baby arrives and he may think that he is not ready...there is obviously more to this than he is admiting to you. One way or another I think you need to find out where these feelings are coming from. Maybe his brother can help. Has he tolled you why he thinks you guys are not ready? Do you at some level agree with him on that? In order to be able to resolve this you really need to find out where he is coming from and why he is feeling this way.

 

ELIZZABETH-UNBELIVABLE - February 23

WELL ITS GOOD YOU TOLD US ABOUT IT!! MAYBE YOU ARE TOO MUCH IN LOVE TO SEE THE REALITY IN MY OPINION I THINK THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU BECAUSE IF HE DID HE WOULD NOT BLACK MAIL YOU SO UGLY HOW CAN HE BE HUMAN , SORRY I DON'T KNOW HIM AND I HATE HIM ALREADY.. YOU DON'T WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU'LL REGRET LATER ON..PLEASEE THINK ABOUT IT!!! i AM TOO PREGNANT AND IF MY FIANCEE EVER TOLD ME THAT i WOULD SLAP HIM AND MOVE ON WITH MY BABY AND NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!!

 

Stand up for yourself!!!! - February 23

Get rid of his worthless a__s and kept the twin brother!

 

P - February 23

Well the jealousy part is a little promising. Of course he could just be p__sed that his brother isn't taking his side. It's really hard to lay judgement on someone when you're only getting one side but I completely agree that if you have to you will get over losing him but you will never get over being forced to give up your baby.

 

Coco - February 24

I know what i am going to say might sound harsh and hard to do , but what i suggest u is to show him ur strenght,i.e show him that that even if he leaves it doesn't get to u.Maybe he wants to see how much u'll love him after the birth of the baby.Are u paying a lot of attention to the baby already ? Maybe, he feels already left out ( is he emotionnally demanding by nature?).I know that whenever hubby threatens me to do stupid ( i'm gonna leave u cos i can't take it anymore, because he's frustrated) i just let him talkand don't move.HE then crawls back to me saying things" u didn't try to prevent me from leaving etc....).My point is Get as much support as u can and TRY ( i know , i know it's easy for me to say it )not to pay attention to his rubbish,and in the same time get ready for anything,but don't give the baby up for adoption, it is HIS baby as well.Do u really think if u do that u'll live happily after together? i think not.Anyway, i gave u my honest opinion. Be strong girl,and u can come on here anytime to vent if u need to !

 

Tina - February 26

Scared & alone Iam sorry you are going through this . Listen to your heart . Don't let your husband do this to you if he loves you he would not be putting you through this . He did help make this baby . When is anybody really ready . .My husband is 32 . I am 31 we have been married going on 10 years . We are just now trying , If I would have gotten pregnant sooner you better belive my husband would be behind me 100%. You say you love him , but where is the love for you . He just needs to grow up and stop being so selfish. You will regret it for the rest of your life. I just can not believe he does not want this little baby that you together have created. This makes me so sad. (FOLLOW YOUR HEART)

 

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