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Sarah Mae - July 26th, 2005 8:44 AM

I think I have a different situation than what most people have on this forum. I'm 19 and 13 weeks pregnant and I want 'nothing' to do with the baby's father. He wants to be there and everything b/c he does care, but I just don't trust him. He's been lieing to me since day 1 and I don't want him in my life. He sells hardcore drugs and even does drugs. I don't think I want my kid around someone who does that. I don't know if I'm being selfish or doing the right thing, but I need someone around me who cares about his own life as well as his baby's life. Please help, I'm confused.


Christy - July 26th, 2005 8:56 AM

I wouldn't want my baby around that at all. Your not being selfish. That is a dangerous world and he is probably a dangerous person. Are your parents in your life? If they are talk to them and be honest w/ them about his drug sales/use. I would do anything to stay away from him, even if it meant moving away. Good luck.


Mel - July 26th, 2005 9:26 AM

You're not being selfish, you're looking out for you baby. But, the father has rights along with you too. You just cant move away. You need to let him know that if he wants anything to do with the baby he needs to stop doing drugs and selling drugs. If it comes down to court, let them know about his habits and I'm sure they'll find it in the best interest of you and a baby, maybe even supervised visits. It's really sad because you have a man willing to accept his responsibility yet he isnt willing to drop his immature habits. Good luck!


Sarah Mae - July 26th, 2005 9:54 AM

jb...Didn't I just say that this guy has been lieing to me since day 1. He's lied about his age, his name, his job, his girlfriend, everything. Maybe you should learn about my situation 1st instead of being a smarta__s.

And as for the other posts. My parents are in my life, they are there for me and they do know about his drug sales/use. They don't want me to be with him or have anything to do with him. I've told the father about getting a real job, but he won't listen to me. I want him to be apart of his kids life and he does too but not when he's selling drugs for a living.


Christy - July 26th, 2005 9:56 AM

Mel, why can't she just move away? Any man who sells drugs does not need to be anywhere near an innocent baby and I don't think drug use or selling drugs should be considered an immature habit. It's illegal and for a reason.


Maleficent - July 26th, 2005 10:40 AM

just moving away won't solve anything. getting a lawyer and having his rights teminated or closely supervized will. if you don't want him in the babys life then do it the smart way and get legal help.


Mel - July 26th, 2005 12:12 PM

If she moves away she is taking away his rights. Who's to say he doesnt decide to clean himself up and be a part of this child's life and shes long gone? And I do think doing drugs and selling drugs is an act of immaturity. It shows he has not grown up yet in being an adult and knowing drugs and babies do not mix. But moving away will not solve problems, people are now a part of your life...him...his parents...his family. What about their rights? You need to tell him to stop, point blank. And if he doesnt, wait until the child is born and get full custody then move away if you'd like.


Lissi - July 26th, 2005 12:28 PM

No, you're not being stupid. You'd be doing absolutely the right thing by putting your child's rights before anybody else's feelings. If this guy really did care, he'd stop dealing. There have been so many stories in the news about children being caught up in drug related crimes. Last year, there was a 7 year old girl (In England) who got shot dead as she opened the front door. The killers were after her father, who was a drug dealer. There are so many pathetic women out there, who are willing to stand by their partner and put their kids through hell, because they "need" them. It's nice to hear of someone who's willing to go it alone, for the safety and happiness of their child. I think you'll be a good mom! Good luck.


Lissi - July 26th, 2005 12:30 PM

I meant to say, you're not being selfish. Not stupid. Stupid is me! :)


LB - July 26th, 2005 1:06 PM

jb this is a forum for support and although every one is ent_tled to their own opinion and freedom of speech some things are just out of order. Sarah mae i think that it will be hard for this guy to quit selling/doing drugs because all of the good money and none of the work. If he says he will you should make him check into a rehab program and i wouldnt trust him until i saw proof that he was off that corner and got a real job. its sad that you would have to monitor a grown man as if you were his probation officer giving him p__s tests and checking his pay stubs. in my opinion he doesnt deserve to have a 2nd chance to disappoint you or your baby.


Stephanie - July 27th, 2005 1:24 AM

I don't blame you for wanting to protect your child from that enviroment. That's what a mother is supposed to do. It's not being selfish at all. Since you are only 13 weeks pregnant though you have about 6 months for things to change. If I were you I would give him an ultimatum. He's got the next few months to get his life straight or he won't be able to be apart of the child's life until he does. If he really does care about the baby, he'll stop his activities and try and get help now and get things together before he/she gets here. And if he chooses not to, then the baby is probably better off with at least one good parent with the sense to get away from those things then one good and one bad parent who obviously cares about his own life more than his childs.


Ranya - July 27th, 2005 8:02 AM

Wanting the best life possible for your baby is not being selfish and you are lucky to have a supportive family. How old is the father and does he have any other children? If yes, what's he like with them? Problem is, if he's a dealer and a pusher then he's a criminal and could get arrested or worse...How does he propose to "be there" for his baby?


Sarah Mae - July 27th, 2005 10:08 AM

The father is 21 and to tell you the truth I'm not sure if he has any other kids. I've heard from other people that he does and he tells me he doesn't. Like I said, I have know idea if he's telling the truth b/c he's lied to me so many times. The sad thing is....is the way I found out his name and age. It was on the news and thats why I don't trust him. He's been in and out of jail and he's due to go back in August. I don't want my kid around that and I don't think he's gonna change. He's never had a real job and he never will. I really don't know what to do b/c he does have a right to see his own child but I am scared of him and of what he will do. I don't want that chance of having my kid taken away from me.


me - July 27th, 2005 10:34 AM

His problem sounds permanent! Get away from him as soon as you can. You can tell the child who he is and why you left him when they're old enough to understand, so they can look him up if they want to, but you definitely need to keep that child away from him in his most formative years. I'm sure they wouldn't give custody to him or even visitation rights, because while he's a dealer and a user, your child would be in danger.


susan - July 27th, 2005 11:26 AM

i am sort of in the same situation Sarah Mae the father of my baby is into drugs so i am sort of scared to even tell him b/c i know he will want to be around my baby and still doing the drugs and i will not have that around my child.


Ranya - July 27th, 2005 2:19 PM

Keep away from this guy for sure, but it might be a good idea to talk to a lawyer and know all your rights etc...protect yourself from any future claim from him and then you can decide when the time comes if you wish to allow the father to visit his child. You never know what the future holds but your child should be your first priority and you must make sure that you hold all rights to him, then you'll be prepared for anything. Good luck!


Feffa - July 27th, 2005 4:40 PM

Sarah Mae - I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this guy. A few suggestions: (1) don't put the father's name on the birth certificate - if it's not there he has no rights - he doesn't sound like the kind of guy that will pull you into court for a paternity suit - it has some down sides to this option - (a) you and your baby will have no rights to any child support or future expenses such as medical/dental/college, etc.... although if he doesn't have a stable job it won't matter anyway (b) he could ask for a paternity test and be put on the birth certificate - highly unlikely giving this guys background. I agree with what someone else said about him getting into rehab - but the jail time bothers me. (2) consult an attorney about the babies rights - if the father is awarded visitation be sure it is supervised - (3) with his criminal background it sounds like you have cause to terminate his parental rights - you are very lucky to have the support of your parents - you'll do just fine as a single parent - the best of luck to you and your baby - stay strong.


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