Im Og Now My Friend Is Trying Im Mad Do I Have That Right

52 Replies
amb - October 5

okay ladies i have a question. A few monthes ago a friend and I were talking to about me having more kids, she was against it for finanical reasons, (shes too nosey and opinionated) anways i found out I was pg aug 1st and she didnt seem real thrilled about it! anways NOW all of a sudden her and her husband are now trying to get pg......i am alittled irritated about this and maybe its my horomones but now i dont want her throwing my baby shower for selfish reasons i guess, but i feel like shes trying to get pg just cause i am and that really p___ses me off. how would yall feel in my situation?? do i have a right to be mad or am i being childish??

 

J - October 5

I hate friends that have to compete and can't just be happy for you. I have a few friends from high school who are that way. My husband and I have now moved to a new town and I have realized that I hardly have anything in common with some of the old friends I used to. I try not to surround my self with negative people.

 

to amb - October 5

I don't see what one has to do with the other...so yes I think you're being selfish.

 

jb - October 5

I know how you feel, Im kinda in a similar situation. I guess we are being kinda stupid and selfish,but thats the way we feel. As soon as i got pregnant, my friend who cant stand for me to have all the attention started trying. It totally annoyed me b/c when we trying she was saying"oh Im gonna wait a few more years". Oh well, she's always been like that. I know I will get over it and be happy for her.

 

k - October 5

i don't think you are being selfish...i havea friend who is the same way...she found out that dh and i were trying and of course she got pg before us and she is oh so thrilled to rub it in each time she sees us...babies shouldn't be used to compete with one and other

 

Kate - October 5

Difficult to tell - it could be that your friend is competing, or it could be that your hormones are changing your perceptions of things. I know I've been convinced on a few occa__sions that people are trying to 'steal my thunder', or I've been annoyed that people haven't seemed to be happy for us...but then I've counted to 10 and thought about it, and realised that I was just being a tiny bit irrational and grumpy! It could be that you're justified in feeling like this, or it could just be that you're suffering from pregnancy madness!

 

amb - October 5

she has always competed with me, she was jealous that i graduated before her, i even started a year before her. a few monthes ago she said they were going to wait till her son was atleast three, hes not even 2 yet. and she wasnt thrilled when i told her i was pg. so im pretty sure shes doing it to "steal my thunder"

 

kris A. - October 5

She may not be trying to steal your thunder, she could be anticipating your baby's growing up together, and you and her going through the highs and lows of pregnancy together. She may have taken courage from you and made the jump to try to concieve. I would take it as a complement. A friend's pregnancy doesn't take the thrill out of your pregnancy - your family wont give a hill of beans if your friend is also pregnant, and your family is what this is all about... in my opinion. So congrats! :)

 

N - October 5

If she had accidently concieved while you were trying, I wouldn't think anything of it. The fact that she's TRYING after she told you that you shouldn't, and then bringing it up... that's pretty rude. I'm sorry, but if that were me I would be P#ssed off. That's probably the hormone's talking tho. I mean on the other hand she could have just been jealious (which is a form of flattery), or atleast that's what I would tell myself in your situation just so I could stay friends with her. Also, next time she says something, compliment her. If she wants to feel good about herself at your expense say something about how she'll be a good mom and she might get the hint to just keep her mouth shut. If that doesn't work, lose her number..

 

amb - October 5

thanks everyone for your advice. i know its not just horomones and I know why i feel this way, its cause she is intentially trying to get pg after i got pg, she wasnt thrilled for me when i told her i was pg and even told me she was jealous, which is fine but when your true friends i dont believe the first words out of someones mouth is "im jealous", even after she todl me that she siad they were going to wait till her son was around 3 to start trying and now hes not even 2 and i brought that up to her and shes like yeah i know but i want a summer baby and nows the time, if she knew she wanted a summer baby then why not wait till next year to start trying. i was there for her through her entired pg, took her to every doc appt etc. i threw her baby shower and when i told her i was pg she said well i cant throw you a baby shower cause i dont have the money, i was pretty p__sed off about that comment cause i didnt have alot of money when i threw her shower but anyways, thats just how she is i guess.

 

Kate - October 5

Ok, it does sound like there's a little more going on here than just hormones. Could you talk to your friend, see if you can figure out what's motivated her to behave like this?

 

amb - October 5

to Kate: no not really, i have tried talking to her about other things before and it doesnt help. she gets very defensive so i stopped talking to her about things. she would get mad at me for forgetting to call her and yet she wouldnt call me back. then i brought up how she forgets to and how she says "well i waited for you to call" y wait for me to call? if youwant to talk to me, why not just call me??? i give up ya know LOL

 

me - October 5

Well I think you have a reason to be upset...because it seems as if she is trying to compete with you. Maybe she was trying to get pregnant then when you annouced yours she thought you were stealing her thunder. But either way you could always make a good situation out of it and both be excited about being pregnant and do pregnancy things together.

 

amb - October 5

to me: well when i told her i was pg she said they were goign to wait till her son was 3 so i know they werent trying bc she also told me yesterday she just stopped her bcp so who knows. but i cant see myself being happy for a "friend" when shes not at all happy for me

 

Leigh - October 5

Well, if it's not your first you really have no reason to be mad; other ladies have babies, too! lol But even if it is your first, you can't really help it so don't stress yourself out. But. I have a story for everyone; it's a copy-babying story. My mom had a lot of health problems, so doctors told her she should "have kids now or forever hold your peace" - soon after, she became pregnant with me. *IRONICALLY* her best friend, who was always a copy cat, and her husband (who was my father's best friend) miraculously started trying at the same time. Thanks to an early labor, her friend gave birth exactly seven days before her. And for the next five years she drove my mom CRAZY by copying everything she did for me. I would be wearing a cute little dress to church one Sunday; the next week her daughter would have it. Growing up, this little girl and I had nearly identical bedrooms, wardrobes, hairstyles, etc. This lady did not know how to DO HER OWN THING! When she and her hubby finally moved to another part of the state, he copying generally stopped. It would revive every now and then when we'd visit (and the mom would run out and buy something that I brought along for the trip); somehow my mom managed to keep her sanity. I think it was realizing our personalities were so different. After years of this copying c___p, and years of this mom acting as if SHE'D bought the stuff for her perfect daughter first, her daughter moved out, dropped out of school, got into heavy drugs, slept around..and I didn't. NO COPYING AT LAST! LOL Not that the situation is funny, but I'm glad I don't have to deal with the fat little blonde girl chasing me around, going, "LOOKIE, MAMA BOUGHT ME THIS TOO!" ARGH. Okay moral of the story: people will copy and it will drive you insane; just take a deep breath and try to take it as a compliment. (Yeah..)

 

lam - October 5

Oh my God, amb, I have a "friend" who is doing exactly the same thing and it is driving me up a f*cking wall. She lives far away, so I don't have to deal w/ her often. When I told her I was pg, she said she was going to try. She already has a 12 y/o. This is my and my husband's 1st child. She did other things this summer to irritate the hell out of me, including another one that she did just bc I told her I was going to. Mutual friends here keep telling me how this woman has always wanted to "be" me since we were kids. I think it's more than hormones, too, but they certainly don't help. I have to say something to her or I will explode. Because she will never stop. Amb, I totally understand how you feel and don't think it's childish. It's childish, selfish and ridiculous of the so-called "friends" to act the way they are.

 

amb - October 5

yes i know there will always by copying in the world but i truly feel like she got mad cause i got pg, and that hurts my feelings. everyone else i told was so happy for me and yet my friend cant be happy. this isnt the only time shes been like this and i know shes doin it bc im pg, its mean to say that but its the truth. maybe if she hadnt been so adimant (sp) that i not get pg. she was always telling me not to have more kids, yet its none of her business how many kids i have. i always b__w what she says and does off but this time im truly hurt and p__sed off at her. maybe if she had said yeah we are trying too it wouldnt be a big deal but she kept saying yeah we are going to wait atleast another year. now that im getting attention, she doesnt like it!

 

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