Is It Just My Man

12 Replies
tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - May 18

Okay, I have a very loving and supportive husband, and I know he'd do anything for me. The problem??? We are expecting our 3rd child in November, and he barely mentions anything about this pregnancy. With our first, he was all about every aspect of it, with our 2nd, not so much, and with our 3rd, forget about it. I think about this baby all the time. I don't expect it to be the topic of every conversation, but man, it would be nice to give it some mention. Thanks for letting me vent. :o)

 

Missy - May 18

Tiffani - it's not just you. This is our first, and he still calls what will become the baby's room the "other room". Whatever, I am just enjoying this. I think your hubby's and my fiance's reluctance to talk about the baby has to do with the whole I am a man and I need to worry about providing bit, not that he doesn't care. Anyway, anytime you wanna talk babies, I am here!! EDD 10/2/05

 

Heidi - May 18

I know how you feel. My fiance never really even brings it up. He did go to one ultrasound with me and my 17 wk dr. appt so that was nice. It shows he's trying to be a part of it but yet he never talks about how I feel or if the baby is moving or any of that. We're building a house so maybe once we're in and getting the baby room ready, he'll be more into it. I'm not due till Oct. 21st so maybe because I'm not really showing or sick anymore that he kind of forgets. I do some days too I guess. I'm just as guilty. I'm hoping it changes a little once we're moved in and can relax and enjoy life again!

 

ASH - May 18

Even thought ur hubbys dont mention much about the baby and all, u bring it up in the conversation. talk about what names if its a boy or a gal, and talk many things and make him feel included. also get him to touch ur stomach every now and then and get him to press his ear on ur tummy. that way he will realise more and be involved more. well thats wat i think will work

 

Kim - May 19

I feel your pain. This is my husband and my first child together and I am so excited, but he never talks about it. I know he's got alot going on with his 2 other children, but we both wanted this and it frustrates me. He does go to all my doctor appts and will talk about the baby if I bring it up, so I know he cares. I think it's a man thing, they are more concerned about how they will provide for the family.

 

Heidi - May 19

Well last night I was laying in bed with my gut hanging out and he said it's getting a little bigger and he asked me if I ever get scared and I said, YES, every day I'm scared! Duh!!! It's my first pregnancy and I've never really been a big "baby" person so that scares me too that I might screw something up when it's an infant or whatever. He has a daughter from a previous marriage so he's been there, done that, and he said not to worry about it and he'll show me the way and I said, well you'll probably end up doing it all until it's not this fragile little infant! He said he'd do his share but show me what to do and not to panic cus it's not as bad as some people make it out to be. So that was kind of nice we had a little talk about that. At least he knows I worry about it on a daily basis. He's also going to share my maternity leave with me so I can go to work a couple weeks and then take off again for longer leave time and so I can get away....and so he can sit at home. Ha ha! Not much to do in Nov/Dec though but that!

 

Brian - May 19

From a "man's" point of view...It is NOT that we don't care, it is that we ourselves are worried about other things, not that they are MORE important, but worry about things like, ok, how am I going to provide for this baby, how hard is this going to be, what things do I need to prepare, what else can I do to get "prepared". I am 22 and my wife is 32, we are expecting our first baby December 25th-27th. I am still VERY involved with my wifes pregnancy, I rub lotion on her belly every night to prevent stretch marks she so desperately doesn't want to get, I rub her feet, talk to the baby(even though I don't think it can hear yet), rub her little belly, go to every Dr.'s appointment(speaking of which we have another appointment tomorrow, thanks for reminding me). I am also stressing myself over the costs(I am jewish), so I am constantly trying to work our budget to save as much as possible, and while I still worry about all those things I mentioned previously, I still maintain concern about my Wife. Maybe it is time to open the lines of communication with your hubbies...and get them to talk about thier fears/worries, along with yours. Just a suggestion....

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - May 19

Thanks ladies, it's good to know i'm not alone. I think men just have a been there, done that type of att_tude about pregnancy and childbirth. My husband is an awesome father, and for that I should be grateful. And he will talk about the baby, just not nearly as much as he did with our first. Oh well, we can't have everything. :o)

 

Karen - May 19

Thanks Brian for your input. Like the other ladies I was having simliar situtions. My bf does not talk about it alot and I often have to bring it up. Although he is supportive when I do. I often wonders what he is thinking and when I ask he usually just say nothing. I think I will hint on the belly and feet rubbing sounds dam good to me ,....... We have 4 months to go so I am starting to have trouble reaching my feet HINT HINT . THANK YOU BRIAN....

 

BBK - May 19

Tiffani, if I could add my $ 0.02 as a man as well.... I'm as involved as I could be with this pregnancy, but honestly I don't know how I'll be with subsequent ones. I hope I can maintain the same pa__sion and level of involvement, but the "been there done that" might also kick in......I hope not, after reading this.

 

KH - May 19

I'm in the same boat! He never even wants to touch my huge belly :)

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - May 19

You know what, come to think of it, i'm guilty too, but in a different sort of way. With my first child, I swear we took a thousand pictures before she was 6 months old. I took her every other month to a portrait studio to have her pictures professionally done. I wrote every milestone in her baby book, from the first time she smiled until the first time she had a peanutb___ter and jelly sandwich. With my second child, we took pictures, but no where near as many as we did with my first. He has no baby book to track the milestones (although I do write down the important ones on paper) and goes to the studio to get pictures done twice a year. I can only imagine how much less i'll do with this baby. I don't love my son or this baby to be any less than my daughter. I'm starting to realize why my husband is the way he is now. This site is like therapy, I swear. I feel better now. :o)

 

CEM - edd 6/26/05 - May 20

hi tiffani - i'm sooo with you on the hubby thing. this is also our 3rd baby and he almost never mentions anything about it, ever! the funny thing is that i even sometimes forget i'm pregnant, i'm too busy running after the other two! i live far away from home and i wrote (yes, can you believe it, WROTE!) to a friend the other day and wanted to send a picture too, but discovered i hadn't taken one in over a year! so he's not the only one to blame......i'm sure he's just got other things on his mind, it doesn't mean he'll love your baby any less. lots of luck :0)

 

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