Is She Cruel And Crazy Or Is It Me

11 Replies
19 Weeks - November 21

I need opinions. I've been best friends with someone who's life has been a never-ending soap opera from 2 divorces to an obsession with internet dating. This woman is 32, yet dates younger men who always scorn her (although I'm not judging the younger part) and getting into trouble with money lending and all kinds of things associated with it. She is so obsessed with her looks (she's not unattractive but average) and dating that she hardly has time for anything else, especially me. But to a certain degree, I've been busy in a loving relationship anyway. At the same time, I've steadily called to make plans to do little things with her. Despite my attempts to make time and keep her in my life, she has been distancing herself from me even further since my pregnancy. She constantly uses excuses not to get together like she has to work out every day. (She lives 2 blocks away). Last week she actually invited me over after months, but then purposely avoided my calls the same day, because I think she wanted to dress up provocatively for a self-timed photo shoot. She's mentioned wanting to do that earlier in the day. This was to be able to post pictures of herself in shorts and boots on the internet to "get back" at some 20 something year old, who she'd failed in dating again. So finally when I questioned her disinterest in our friendship and my pregnancy, she more or less told me to get lost and have a nice life with my partner and good luck in my pregnancy, bye. This after I'd been there through all of her ups and downs. I know she is being self-destructive and unstable, but it still hurts when the one person who I thought would be there for me could do this. And I don't think jealousy is an excuse. Any opinions?

 

Beth - November 21

Yikes. Well, looking in as a third person, it's easy for me to say - good ridance! - but I kow that's not easy when you've been friends for such a long time. I think you should give her space, if she said so long - then do just that, and I'll bet you anything, she'll come back once she realizes that she lost a constant in her life. OR, she won't come back, and even though I know it hurts, you'll be better off. Sometimes, you end up with someone and you just keep in touch because you think you have to. I was friends with a girl all through high school, and in college, we were both kinda doing our own thing, and then after that, we grew even further apart, but we always kept in touch. The thing is, it was so strained whenever we would talk, because we were both just two totally different people from what were like in high school. We didn't like doing the same things anymore, and we didn't even really have anything to talk about. It got to the point that everytime we spoke it was just telling old stories, "remember that time..." - finally we both agreed, there was just no point in keeping this thing alive. I felt really upset about it at first, but now I'm honestly relieved. I think you will be too. Besides, you're going to be so busy with your new family, you don't need or deserve to put up with a trainwreck. Like I said, maybe she'll grow up, and come around, but until then, enjoy the break from the drama.

 

Julie - November 21

I agree with Beth,sometimes it hurts to let go of friendships(esp. close friendships) but sometimes we are better off.This "friend"seems self absorbed .find other friend that have more in common with you (have children) Joining mommy and me groups are great places to start. who knows, one day this friend will realize the mistakes she has made and return.

 

19 Weeks - November 21

Beth, trainwreck is the perfect way to describe her. But you're right, I don't need a friend like that. I just have nothing in common with someone who's preoccupied with sleeping around and worrying about her hair. She actually brags about all the "cops" she "dates" likes it's an accomplishment. (Yikes) I feel sorry for her, actually. So I will look forward to making new friends, as Julie said, in Mommy and Me cla__ses where the topics have meaning. Thanks Julie.

 

Becky - November 21

I agree with Beth and Julie. Sounds like she is at a different point in her life than you are, and that makes it hard to stay close. Give her space, and maybe someday your paths will align. This poem is a good one. http://blogger.thenest.com/blogger/104493714876668/archive/2005/05/02/6686.aspx

 

Clair - November 21

Sometimes it's just better to get rid of poisonous relationships. Who needs someone like that to come around again.

 

To 19 weeks - November 21

She obviously has issues. She must feel like a loser going around on the internet in boots when here you are pregnant with a loving partner. Cut her off!

 

Ceecee - November 21

She a nitwit, honey. Her boots are made for walkin away from you. She is blind with jealousy for sure. no need for you to be friends with her

 

Lisa - November 21

Pregnancy sometimes gives you a way of losing touch with the people in your life that you should have banished years ago.

 

Drew - November 21

I totally agree, it's time for her to make her wxit. But....maybe jealousy has a little to do with it. Maybe she's jealous that you have your life together and a loving relationship with a man who's the father of your child. I don't know, some people are sooooo hard to understand, but it does sound like your much more grown up! Good luck!

 

me - November 22

Sounds like she just is in a mid life crisis. She'll get her perks and experiments out and probably will come back wanting your friendship when she realizes what a jerk she made of herself. Sounds like she just wants attention where she can get it, and with you being pregnant it's takes the attention of her and puts it on you. I would just let her be because as a mommy you don't want to get sucked into her games anyway. I wish you luck and hope that things work out for you!!

 

19 weeks - November 22

Thanks everyone.

 

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