Is This My Responsibility

10 Replies
Bobbi - April 29

Hey girls, I'm feeling a little bit down today, so I thought I would vent a little bit. I am 30 weeks pregnant, and my baby's dad and I are not together, and we haven't been together since the end of January. it broke my heart when he broke up with me. Anyways, my story is this..I never met his mom. She never wanted to meet me because there is a big age difference between me and him (15 years..im 20). Although that hurt my feelings, I never said anything, but when I got pregnant, I told him that I thought it was important that her and I got to know eachother, because this was going to be her only grandchild. He agreed with me, and we made plans for us to go out for dinner. She cancelled, and we made plans again..after at least 10 times of cancelling with me, it really started to hurt my feelings, but i dropped the subject. Soon after that, he and I broke up because he has really bad depression and trust problems, and even though I wanted to stay together, he said he didn't want to stress me out more, and he wanted to get better for all three of us (me, him and baby) We stayed very close, talking everyday and seeing eachother for dinner at least once a week. During that time, I realized that I was happier without him, and even though I still love him, I know we are both better off. It took me over a year to realize it, but we are two very different people. Anyways, I told him this, and he was very upset, but we decided that it was the best for now. A few weeks later, he told me that the reason his mom didn't want to meet me is because she didn't believe that the baby was his. This hurt me so much, as I KNOW he is the dad. He said that he knows its his and it hurt him too that she thought otherwise, and he was going to try convince her to meet me. He ended up calling me and asking me when i would like meet, but it had to be on a day i work (i work until 8:30 most nights) and I have to drive there (1hour drive) I told him that I am too tired on those days, and he got mad at me. Maybe this was a little out of line but I told him that he should ask his mom when she wasnt going to cancel, and then I would meet her. Anyways, he started yelling at me and telling me that I should respect his mother and her opinions and such...I got really upset and told him that I have no respect for someone who doesnt respect me and who doesnt even respect him, and after saying bye, I hung up. We didn't talk for almost three weeks, but the other day he TEXT me that it is his moms perogative and that he is going to support her if she doesnt want to meet me. He also said that he wants ME to keep in contact with HIM. Maybe I am being oversensitive about this whole thing, but I dont think it is my responsibilty to keep in contact with him, when he is hurting me so much. Do you ladies think it is my responsibility to keep in contact with him right now?

 

jamiew - April 29

Putting Grandma aside, you need to look at the bigger issue. Mom, dad and child. Grandma will EVENTUALLY come around. You need to worry about your baby. It is BOTH of your responsibilities to maintain a decent and civil relationship for the Childs sake. It just not your responsibility, but both. Now would be a good time to sort out your differences before baby comes into the world.

 

Drew - April 29

My daughter's father is a guy I knew all through high scool, partied with ect. We started dating, and not long after I became pregnant. Not long after that, we broke up and spent the majority of my pregnancy deciding wether or not we wanted to try really hard for a relationship....I grew up, he didn't. At this same time, I had never met his mother. His family is catholic, and she couldn't believe her "innocent" son would be like that...partying, having s_x ect, and she didn't want to meet me. Once my daughter was born, and was about a month old, I brought her over to his house (he was living with his mother) to see him and she finally came around and met my little girl. From that point on she wanted to see her all the time, and kept bothering me to see her....which would have been really nice, but she became obsessive. Well, I stopped talking to her son altogether, and realised that in my situation it was better for us that way. He didn't want anything to do with our little girl and moved away, and to this day I haven't personally talked to him. But his mom stayed. From the time my daughter was about a year old on, I was dating someone else (who I have been with since...6 yrs) and he quickly became my daughter's father figure. She calls him daddy, and he loves her as his own. But gramma didn't like the fact that some other guy was doing her son's job, even though he didn't want to and so off to court we went. Her father gave up his parental rights, and she got visitation. Today my daughter is going on 8 yrs old, and his mother gets to see her one day a week. It's a living nightmare!!! Like I said, she hates the fact that someone is taking over as my daughters dad, and likes to make life diffucult for us all. I guess what I'm getting at here is even though you have good intentions at heart, and want your baby to know both sides of the family, it can come back to bite you in the b___t. My suggestion would be to let the gramma know that you would like her to have a relationship with your child, but you've done all your going to do and now it's up to her. Don't upset yourself over it, you and your baby may be better off in the end without her in your lives. Just think about it long and hard, and don't try to force anything. The fact that she's un cooperative just may be a blessing in disguise!! Good luck with your pregnancy! :)

 

Bobbi - April 29

Thank you Drew. I feel like I have been making a huge effort all these months, with both him and his mother, and I have gotten nothing in return. I mean, last time i saw him, he wouldnt touch my belly because it was CREEPY..little things like that just bug me sometimes i guess:(

 

torbman - April 30

Bobbi, I think you have a good head on your shoulders and should trust your instincts. This is his child also, and he should be making an effort to keep in contact with you. As for the Mom, this ay be her grandchild, however she was in no way apart of making this child. You do whats best for you and the baby.

 

Leahp - May 1

It sounds like to me that you know deep down what to do, but it is the toughest choice. If you seem happier without him, move on, you're 30 weeks pregnant with no ha__sels if you leave him behind, also, you can find a guy that will support you and the baby and fall in love, make sure to find one that's not attached at his mom's hip. But it's obvious that you will always have issues since he can't sympathize with you and only with his mother, it will be a constant battle, leave now before the baby is born, there's just to many fish in the sea, and I'm sure one will fall in love with you and baby, you're only 20, you have a whole life ahead of you!!! What about your family are they supportive???

 

Drew - May 1

Your welcome Bobbi. I know it's not what you want to hear.....when I was in that situation I just wanted everyone to tell me "Don't worry, everything will work out in the end. Him and his mother will come around and you will be one big happy family!" Now I'm glad no one ever said that to me, cause in the end it helped me let go of the dream of being that "happy family" and move on to reality and a much happier life. I wish you and your little one all the best no matter where this journey takes you!! (((HUGS))) :)

 

Bobbi - May 2

Leahp; most of my family is very supportive. My dad wasn't at first, and he wouldn't talk to me for several months, but he is coming around now, and even talking about how he is going to babyproof the house, and how we are all going to make the back yrd nice for the baby. As for everyone else, they have been very supportive:) I know that I should walk away, but just when it gets easy, he emails me or something and says how he wants to be a part of the baby's life. It just confuses me because even though i dont want to be with him, I dont want to give up on him either..you know what I mean?

 

Lynne - May 4

Sounds to me like he has "mother" issues. I would leave the ball in their court let them know you are open for them to be a part of your life, but if they choose not to, then you have extended the invitation. I think you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let HIM stress you out about his MOMMY. Come on. You are going to be blessed with the child, plus you have a supportive family. In the end, they are the ones losing out. You don't need this stress in your life especially while being pregnant. Congrats. -L

 

hello - May 6

I am a single mom and its easier when they arent around...... Mine is though..... You dont need it, u have enuff to deal with right now....... I say f'k him right now, his head is in his a__s saying he will support her if she doesnt want to meet you, i am so tired of mommys boys, u will be fine on your own and i am glad u are strong enuff to realise it, good luck...............sorry if my language was a bit severe.... You arent alone with looking after a baby and u dont need that kinda head f'k when you are pregnant.... He sounds like an idiot with his comment i am sorry to say and you are gonna be better without a mommys boy around..............You are the pregnant one , he needs to call and see how u are, not the other way around.............

 

hello - May 6

I will say though if he plans to be in your life and i hope he doesnt cause it is easier when they arent around then u will eventually have to find a way to be civil, for now concentrate on you and dont think too much about it as stress isnt good for u and baby, good luck

 

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