Just Feel Like Venting

13 Replies
Arinae - March 17

OK so this is more of a parenting topic than a pregnancy topic. I have alot of friends that are also mothers and I would say that 90% are questionable to me. The thing is(and please if you are reading this feel free to tell me if I am wrong) alot of my friends are single mothers, which there is nothing wrong with, but in my mind they could be doing a better job. A couple of them work full time, between 30-40hrs a week. When the weekend comes they drop their kids off at their mothers and go out drinking and dancing all weekend. Then another friend, who doesn't work but sends her 12 month old to daycare everyday then still goes out every weekend when the father had the baby. I just don't understand how someone doesn't enjoy spending time with their children. I feel really bad about feeling this way about my friends, and I am not doubting the love they have for their children. But there are all out on a friday night getting drunk while Im at chuck e cheese's having a great night out with my 2 year old. I know being a single mother is tough, and most single mothers are not like this. I know everyone deserves a break, but when is it too much? It just makes me mad and I feel so bad for their kids.

 

Corrine321 - March 17

To me i think its way to much! I mean seriously, not every weekend you have to go out drinking! and except your parents to watch the kid(s)... Your doing a great job... I'm only 15 and 26 weeks pregnant! I know i cant do most of the things i did, and i understand that! but yeah to me i think thats a little to much!

 

skylersmom - March 17

i think that is way too much. everyone deserves a break once in awhile, but if i worked all week (which at the moment im a stay at home mom, but ive had times where i worked alot) the last thing i would want to do is go out drinking all weekend. spending time with my son is way more important to me. and when i didnt see him that much because of work, all i wanted to do was spend time with him and do fun things on the weekend. once in awhile is ok, but not every wknd. maybe you could sit down and very nicely explain to them how you feel. it might not be as bad as you think? good luck! and also, the kids deserve to spend time with the mom as well. im sure they miss their mom.

 

mtlquebec - March 18

I think you shouldn't judge your friends - maybe people are judging you for being a stay at home mom - I've heard people give my sister a hard time because she's not working, etc. That she's old fashioned for staying home - and my best friend had no choice financially but to go back to work and put her son in daycare and people judged her for that. Either way, nobody has the right to judge others' decisions in life. You are NOT being a good friend by sitting back and deeming what they do as wrong. I wouldn't want a friend like you - I'd want someone who would support my decisions and try to understand them.

 

Lillie E - March 18

i understanding supporting a friends decisions, but i think what puts apart friends from good friends is telling them when there doing something wrong that they might regret it later on. my mom had my 2 older brothers and she would go out and drink and party and to has an effect on them. maybe it won't effect the mom, but it will play a part on the kids lives...

 

Arinae - March 18

Thanx Lilly, you took the words right out of my mouth. For the record Mtl, I do work 20 hrs per week, because I HAVE TO. But I cannot see working 40 hrs a week and then drop my child off at someones house for 2 days while I am out. I sis happen to talk to one of my friends last night and I toild that I think she should slow down, and she agreed. I think my friends just need someone to bring it to their attention for them to really sit back and think about what their doing. I don't feel like I am being judgemental, I am just looking out for my friends and their kids. And if you could find a friend that supported you seeing your child for about 20 hrs a week, LUCKY YOU!

 

fltjt705 - March 19

I was that way when my son was about 4 years old. I regret it because my son had such a hard time, I too was a single mom at the age of 18 and moving place to place, having different boyfriends, working odd hours and it really effected him. He was kicked out of daycares because he was just way too out of control. When he got school age he just wasn't with the program. I was constantly going to teacher/ parent meetings, he had a problem with every subject and speach. Finally by the age of 8 I finally realized I needed to change. At this time I was living in Oakland California, very bad neiborhood. I moved to Florida for the second time and I got my act together. I had to work with him and I mean work, I placed him in karate to get him to be more extraverted, I put him in a pull out cla__s to help him with subjects he was having the really low grade scores and I gave him short term goals. He is 13 now and is an anoroll student , I give so much credit to my husband who helped me through this journey, So ladies, there IS a price you pay for not speding as much time with your kids as they truely need. The feeling of stability really helps them excell in life. I learned the hard way and being a single parent truely is hard especially when your young and alone. my story could go on and on.

 

mandie - March 19

Another thing that kills me to see are mothers who are just to lazy to take care of their kids. A mom I know is too lazy to call and make an appointment to get the kids' teeth cleaned. They are on their father's insurance, it would cost her nothing, and she just wont do it. Her eight year old boy just had to have a tooth pulled because it had rotted beyond repair. For someone who never had insurance growing up and is now paying the price, I think that is uncalled for. When you have the means to take care of your kids and neglect them because you just don't want to call and make necessary appointments, shame on you. In my mind, unforgivable.

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - March 19

I know a lot of mothers who are the same way. It looks to me that when they go out drinking and partying every weekend the were not ready to have kids. I can understand once a month needing to go out and relax, but every weekend is too much. I can not imagine acting like a teenager when I know I have kids at home who look up to me. I have a relative who has two small kids and does the same thing. It makes me sooooo mad. I am going crazy wanting my baby to be here and she acts like she does not even want hers.

 

Frances - March 19

Hey ladies, I just going to comment on the original post. Arinae, you are right on. My husband's younger sister played that game for quite a while. Fortunately, my nephew's dad is a great guy and a super dad. He has been awarded full custody. I think you are probably correct about your friends not being ready to be moms. I really don't understand people who don't like to spend time with their kids either. I'm always a little sad when my DS goes to spend the night at his Grandma's house, and it's only a 15 minute drive away. In any case, I'll pray for your friends!

 

Leahp - March 20

Gosh, it's funny you bring this subject up but I've been kind of disgusted with one of my friends lately. SHE IS a stay at home mom, I give her props for that, but every chance she gets she runs to a bar that her 1st love owns and I was with her one night and she was saying how she wonders what her life would of been like if she was married to him, she was piling on the makeup, blah blah. While her husband is out working his a__s off as a firefighter! Then the other day she tried to lure me into wondering about one of my old flames,she was like, you know who is ultimately s_xy and then she said my old flame. Right there I was like this girl is trying to play mind games, just because she is unhappy in her marriage she wants me to take part in daydreaming about old boyfriends, I think she can't stand it that I'm happy in my marriage and she's out galavanting around on the weekends, she's even made comments like, WOW you haven't been out in a while, what's up, I said I really don't feel like, my two favorite people to hang out with is hubby and baby!!! But yes I give her props for beinga stay at home mom, but she needs to find something to keep her busy so she stops daydreaming. I also, feel for those single moms, I have a few friends like that as well, you gotta admit how else are they going to meet a guy / father for thier child if they're working 40 hours a week. I know there's Harmony and all those fun sites but their kids are probably in bed by then anyways, as long as they aren't too hungover to take care of them the next day, I got a firend like that too!!! There's mothers of all colors!

 

skylersmom - March 20

thats true, they do need to meet a dude somewhere. but it doesnt seem to me that a bar is the place you would want to meet a father for your children! maybe its just me though........

 

Arinae - March 20

My friends so the same thing, they never invite me out, even if there just going out to eat to Applebees or something. So I asked her why she never invites me to the movies or out to eat and she said, "Well you never want to go out w/ us so I just a__sume not even ask. You always want to stay home w/ the baby" I said there is a difference between going out and having dinner and going to a movie, than going to the club. I would love to just get together with friends over dinner. Not the club. Well I did talk to her and she said that she understands where Im coming from, I just hopes she really takes my advice into consideration. I feel awful for the kids.

 

Steph - March 20

Arinae, I have seen the same types of behaviour in my friends when they were younger parents (i.e., 21-24) and pretty much stopped when they grew out of the bar/club scene. It did take them a while, but they quit, so I understand how you can be frustrated and not understand why they wouldn't want to spend time with their children on the weekends after they worked all week. I don't buy the "I need a break from my kids" line of bs either, especially when they use that excuse every single weekend night. Probably makes the kid feel pretty c___ppy if their old enough to understand what's going on. Hopefully your friends will outgrow the clubbing scene (or do it once every three or four months as opposed to every weekend). Maybe to try and help the out and change their patterns, you could see if they wanted to come over on a Friday night to your house, watch movies and hang out with the kids. Might be worth a shot. Also, mtlquebec, no one is saying that they are perfect...voicing your opinion about things that bother you or that you don't agree with is normal and everyone, including yourself do it on a daily basis. Post your opinon mtlquebec, but please for the sake of others, do it in a big girl way. :o)

 

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