Mil Tries To Buy Everything

22 Replies
L - December 7

Do any of you have this problem?? My MIL just won't quite!! She buys bags and bags of clothes, now that the baby is born she's calling out that she wants to buy her first tricycle NEXT christmas and she's already calling to buy us a jogger, and it keeps going on and on. My husband and I don't want to sound unappreciative, but we're also very independent and feel like she's trying to compete with other family members and try to buy everything before anyones else gets a chance. Plus, it makes me feel like she doesn't think I can handle the finances of our baby, but we're doing just fine, kinda like steppin on a woman's turf!! Any stories??

 

kiddolebel - December 7

yup i know exactly what you are going through. my husbands step mom went nuts buying things, including a sailor suit and a christening gown. those were the two items we said NOT to buy. When we told her to not buy anything anymore so other family members could, she told us off and to never talk to her or her family again. Nice huh. Havent heard from her since and its been two years. Then theres my mom who WONT stop buying things even to this day and we all get really mad about it because no one knows what to buy my son anymore. My husband and I walked around toys r us for an hour looking for things to buy him for christmas, kinda sad we couldnt find anything because he has or is getting things WE wanted to buy him. When i said something to my mom about other family members getting mad and such she said "oh well, too bad". But then she complains she short on money. Well stop buying things, lol. Stick to your turf and try to say nicely that you really appreciate it but other family members are getting offended because shes leaving nothing for anyone else to buy. Good luck.

 

~m~ - December 7

My advice would be to graciously accept much of it and be glad she wants to help. HOWEVER, that being said, there are certain things that parents should have the pleasure of buying... such as the "first" anything special (tricycle for example). You should just tell her that it would be nice of her to run things by you guys before she buys. Also tell her that you and your dh want to buy the special things. It may just be that she's so excited and happy that she goes overboard without even knowing it. It sounds like she hasn't really crossed any lines, but you guys should probably talk to her to make sure that doesn't happen.

 

lb - December 7

My brother just had a baby and my mom did this exact thing. She bought so many clothes, etc. that we were all trying to tell her that maybe the mother of the baby would like to pick out some of her own stuff. It is my mother's first grandchild and she just went nuts on buying stuff. Just be polite and talk to her about it -- better yet, get your husband to.

 

Jamie - December 7

Suggest to her that a college fund fr your child would be more a practical use of her money, and one that will be forever appreciated, instead of clothes or toys that are quickly outgrown.

 

L - December 7

Funny you mention the college fund, she's been there and done that on top of everything else!!! I gotta say though, my husband and I loved that idea the most, but she has already tried to buy me an electric pump and I politely told her that I was fine w/ the manual and she insisted that she buy it for me, well I finally had to get firm via-email and and told her to save her money and that I prefer the manual, she wrote back and said, "Okay I'll stop the nagging, you know best!" I really don't know how to take the e-mail and haven't written her back yet, it's just beginning to be too much!!! and the thing that sucks is that her and my sister in-law offer gifts all the time and get all excited and when I say I'm fine without it, it's like they get upset!! It's a no win situation, but I would like a little control of my life and my baby's!

 

~m~ - December 7

Email isn't always the best line of communication for sensitive subjects. Because you can't see facial expressions, you don't know context, and it's much easier to be harsh or to take things the wrong way. I don't know you guys, but it sounds like she is just trying to be super helpful, and wants to do all she can. You told her no and she said that's fine and you know best. Sounds like she understands and will back off on that subject. Is it that you truly feel they are crossing a line, or that you just don't want them helping out? Because it almost sounds as if you have a personal grudge against your hubby's mom and sis. From what you are saying, it sounds like you are a lucky girl to have in-laws so willing to help.

 

~m~ - December 7

Oh, and might I add, the electric pumps are sooooo much easier than the manual. Those things are a pain! I'm not sure if it's pride causing you not to accept the gift or what, but trust me, electric pumps are a lifesaver. :o)

 

L - December 7

I see where you're coming from and maybe it is a little pride, but it's all the time!!!! She even sends $50 dollars a month, which is a great help, but if she does that she can hold off on other things!! I've heard that electrics are a lot easier, but I have a long trudge into work since it's a huge building and like the easiness of the manual, but I've been offered a electric by many other friends and family and when I tell them no, they accept it, she pushes and pushes, even my husband understands!! When we visit her, she'll offer food or a drink and you tell her you're fine and she'll stick it under your nose! Maybe I do have a grudge but they have done some hurtful things to me in the past, like when I was pregnant, warning me that my baby might be mentally retarded since my MIL found her biological mother and she was a little slow, I mean HELLO, that's not something you tell a pregnant woman!!! I was upset for days, along with my husband and doctor!!! and his sister cussed out our answering machine two months before our wedding since their names weren't on the invitation, sorry but those things stick like glue and really make me want to take care of my family myself!!!!

 

amb - December 7

i totally understand where your coming from BUT take it from me. when i was pregnant i used to tell my friends and family how controlling they were with the other kids and how i wasnt going to let them try to do that with my daughter... well shes 6 years old now and they didnt even buy her a birthday card this year. they dont care about her and shes my mils only grandkid and my gmils onky great grand kid. they dont even care that im pg now. so try and be grateful to some extent! atleast your kids have a loving family that does love them and care for them.

 

Heather - December 7

My mil is the same way, with buying tons of toys and clothes for my daughter. She overbuys for everyone because she's a cold, rude woman, and I guess it's her way of buying people off. Well, all the kids in the family are spoiled brats. I told her when I was pregnant that I did not want my child to just be given everything, (I didn't want them expecting a gift everytime they saw someone). Well I had my daughter and she tried anyway. My daughte is now 6, and whenever mil gives me things for her, I remind her of what I said, and let her know that I am going to put the toy away and distribute it as I see fit. It sounds harsh, but she got the picture and has since laid off. Also, my daughter is growing up so gracious, and thankful.

 

L - December 7

I hear that can start to happen once more kids pop into the picture. I am grateful for a lot of things, I just wish she would slow down, because $100 dollars here and a $100 dollars there is stressful to me, and my husbands family doesn't even have a lot of money. So it seems that she's trying to out do people in my family who have money, and I don't want her to do that. So it feels like all these materialistic things aren't even coming from the heart. She's seems to be an insecure woman.

 

L - December 7

Yea Heather, I was worried about that as well!! My husband said that we'll have to put away a lot of the things that she sends because she sends SOOOO much. I want my daughter to grow up very thankful and not materialistic. I rarely go shopping and everytime we visit my husbands family, that's all they do and when they visit here as well!!

 

karine - December 7

well in a way i would be happy if my mil would be like like, i mean i have baught almost everything myself, i dont get help, and sometimes, some help from family would be nice. For my daughters baby shower, she gave me some cheap wipes (when she knew all i was going to use was pampers) and she gave me a cheap blancket THATS IT! thank god the gosmom, baught my daughter her trave system and some clothing for the shower and then she baught the high chair and toddler bed, she knew colours i liked and she respected that when she would buy. and always ask me if it was ok! i appreciated that. But yeap, my mil never got things like that for the kids. she only buys on bday and xmas. AND ITS mostly awfuly. like, last year, she asked what to buy for xmas, and i told her that the kids needed a little cheap cd player for their rooms, so it can sooth them at night. she said ok. YOU know what she baught? a portable (walkman like) cd player with ear things. for them to share....i was very upset! as it was a waist. and i could have gotten the kids that if i would have known. the godmom bauhgt them. lol for valentines day! ad she only bauhgt the kids one time some clothing, from a garage sale (i dint mind as i buy some from garage sales too, but i look for brandname no stains) she braught me a bag or really really old clothing. (i swear it must have been from the 80's!) and their was a jacket in there (pink and flashy green for my son!) i said no way hes wearing that.! she gotmad, and told me she wants to see him in their. i gave it away ! to a kid for her dolly's LOL. I can nderstand how you guys feel, but your still lucky to have grandmas think of your lillte ones like that. just take the stuff and say thanks. if you dont think your going to use it then....just sell it later on, and buy baby someting else.

 

~m~ - December 7

L, I understand how hurtful things can stick with you and I sympathize. I'm sorry your sis in law cussed you. And yes, I'd be upset if someone told me my baby might be MR. My thought is to try to find the silver lining. Yeah, it may seem pushy and overbearing, but I've read so many posts with women saying how the in-laws didn't want to help at all. So in a way, you are a lucky girl. But you do have to set your boundaries, and I understand that. Good luck with your situation.

 

L - December 7

Sure you can take the stuff and say thanks, but do your MIL's then come along and drill you where everything is at??? It drove me bonkers when she was visiting, because she was wondering where all the stuff was that she bought, and I had a lot of it boxed away and some of the stuff I already had bought myself and then she would make smart comments like, Oh, you like the fancier stuff. So I can't win!!!

 

to L - December 7

sounds like she is the one who cant win. that womans buyin u all kinds of stuf and all u do is whine. man, talk about bitin the hand that feeds u. u havent given any good reasons to b so p__sd off. except for petty control freak issues of ur own

 

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